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My mum

Hi everyone, on Thursday morning my mum died. She has had Alzheimers for 11 years and was in a home. It is her funeral on Thursday. My daughter is going through a relapse (again) at the moment but was starting to be able to walk by herself as of yesterday, today she has noticed that her arm is going numb. I am terrified she is having yet another relapse which would be par for the course for her MS, every month since diagnosis she has had another relapse. I am so scared that she is going into relapse and gets worse as what about my mums funeral on Thursday, she would be devastated at missing the funeral and also I am scared I will miss it too as all the family are going to funeral and there will be no one to look after her. I am so sick of this disease. Lx

:frowning: I’m so sorry to hear you’ve lost your Mum. I’ve read all your posts with a tear in my eye ever since your daughter was diagnosed with this horrible disease and I really really feel for you. Would it be possible for you to get a wheelchair for your daughter to enable her as well as you to go to her grandmas funeral? I’m sick of this disease too love it’s robbed me of so much but life goes on. I will be thing of you & your family on Thursday Xxxx

That is a great idea, don’t know why I did not think of that myself. If she is relapsing and can’t manage I will definately get a wheelchair as there is no way we can miss my mums funeral. Thank you so much. Lx

You didn’t die just recently,
You died some time ago.
Although your body stayed a while,
And didn’t really know.
For you had got Altzheimer’s,
You failed to comprehend.
Your body went on living.
But your mind had reached its end.
So we’ve already said, “Goodbye”,
To the person that we knew.
The person that we trully loved,
The person that was, “You”.
And so we meet again today,
To toast your bodies end.
For it was true and faithful,
Until right at the end.
And so, when we remember,
We’ll think of all the rest.
We’ll concentrate on earlier,
And remember all the best.
For in the real scheme of things,
Your illness wasn’t long.
Compared to all the happiness,
You brought your whole life long.
We think of you as yesterday,
When you were fit and well.
And when we’re asked about you,
It’s those things that we’ll tell.
And so we meet in 'membrance,
Of a mind so fit and true.
We’re here to pay our last respects
To say that, “We love you”. Just re read my original post and it seems as if I am glossing over the impact of my mum’s death. I miss my mum, have done for many years.

Hi L,so sorry to hear about your mum,you werent glossing over the fact she has died,the thing is you do your grieving,for them when they are still here,you grieve for the person you lost when the alzheimers took them,i lost my Dad the same way,and i know that a lot my grieving was done,while he was sill alive,that may not make sense to people who havent been through it, but i know you will understand just what i mean.

you could hire a w/c for Rachael for the day,so you can take her to the funeral.

J x

So sorry to hear you have lost your mum. It brought a tear to my eyes as my mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and we already feel we have lost the mother she was. You must get the wheelchair as suggested so you can take your daughter to the funeral. Kind thoughts to you all and your mum is now at peace… Linda x

Oh Linda. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. My father in law passed away the same way and we are believe that he is looking down on us as he was when he was fit and well.

I agree with hiring a wheelchair for Rachael. I am sure she will want to be there and to be there for you in her way too.

Shazzie xx

Oh love, what can I say? I am so, so sorry to hear you`ve lost your dear, darling mum.

I lost mine 12 years ago…and my dad followed her just 3 painful weeks later…but no, I dont want to hijack your post…sorry.

My mum is on my shouler, she helps me understand when things get muddled, she helps me find a way through my difficulties…think of your mum sitting lightly on your shoulder…now she is free of that oh so cruel desease Altzeimers and she is clear thinking and helping you now, with your struggles with your daughter.

Yes, I was going to suggest you take her in a wheelie to the funeral. You must both go…youll manage.............then you can say your goodbyes the way youd like to.

Bless you both…

much love Polly xxxxxxxxx

Hello L.

So very sorry to hear about your mum’s passing. My mum died on the 21st november, its her funeral on Tuesday so I can empathise with how your feeling. Alzheimers is a cruel disease isn’t it…its like losing the person you love twice.

I hope your daughter dosen’t have a relapse but if that does happen then a wheelchair would be an excellent idea.

All my sympathy to you and your family

Love and Light, Noreen xxx

hello L,

i’m so sorry for your loss, i’ve been there too, 2004. it’s so terrible to watch this happen to someone you love, i know. your poem was really touching and went to the heart of what we’ve watched and felt. it didn’t sound at all like you were ‘glossing over’ your loss. we all have to deal with the realities of making arrangements when we’ve lost a parent, and as a mum yourself, you’re worried about your daughter attending. i hope you can find some time soon to catch your breath and start to process your feelings.

i’m sure you’ll manage to locate a wheelchair. is there a local mobility organisation near you? this might sound odd, but my daughter’s a student nurse and one of her placements was in a hospice, they did some day things with people who have ms, might they loan out a wheelchair as your situation is so time sensitive?

take care,

wendy xx

Hi Linda, I am sorry of your news, I totally understand your feelings if grieving for someone whilst they are still alive. I hope R isn’t having another relapse, let’s hope it isn’t. The wheelchair sounds a really good idea, don’t let this disease stop you and R being able to say goodbye. I’m not sure it is a poem but that was a lovely tribute to your mum. Take care of yourself and R Big hugs Barney

So sorry to read about your loss. I hope the advice is helpful and you’re both able to attend the funeral. Take care. xx

So sorry about your Mum. Hope you both get to the funeral, in order to say “goodbye”. Look after yourself! Teresa xx

L,

You should ask your OT/GP about getting a wheelchair anyway - they are sometimes essential. ln the meantime - try your local Red Cross. l know our local branch - hire out all types of ‘aids’.

Bless you both at a sad time.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice, we have a local mobility shop so will give them a phone to see if we can hire a chair for day just incase she needs it. Her left arm is numb today and she has a stonking headache and feels generally unwell. Fingers crossed it does not come to anything and may just be stress at her gran dying. Lx

Like others on here with parents who have/had Alzheimer’s I understand how you are feeling. My dad is still alive but lost to us many years ago. My mum died in February, her last years blighted by grief and loneliness. She had a brain tumour and severe arthritis but she died of sepsis when she fell and broke her wrist and hip and the hospital didn’t diagnose a UTI she had when admitted. She prayed on the hospital trolley for god to take her. She was resuscitated by a junior doctor during the night ( against our wishes) but died a few hours after. The day she died the sun was shining and did for two full days - bright lovely skies mid February. The following week at her requiem mass followed by cremation the sun also shone brightly. . I am neither religious or spiritual but it brought me great comfort, as did listening to the music I had chosen for both. One of the tracks was Songbird by Eva Cassidy ‘for you the sun will be shining’ … Your poem is beautiful. It made me cry. It doesn’t take much. I know I will always miss her and be grateful for the love I had from both of them. I hope you have much support and friends and family who let you talk about her as much as you need to. Susi x

Hi Linda,

My condolences hun, I’m so sorry for your loss. No words will take the pain away but we are all here for you in whatever way we can.

I would get a wheelchair for Rachael even if she feels up to walking. It will be a stressful time for both of you and having the chair will give you both an extra level of confidence that you can get through what will be a difficult day.

Hugs for you both

take care and my prayers are with you

Kelly xx

Hi Linda i sympathise , im going through the same myself , mum diagnosed with vascular dementia couple of years ago shortly after dad died (RIP) and quickly got to the stage where we couldnt cope and have recently had to put her into a care home and every visit i make seems like im loosing a little bit more

Thinking of you all. Sending you hugs Barney

There are no words that can help, coming up to 2nd anniversary of losing my mum. So sorry for your loss

Tracey xx