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my Dad

Hello, my Dad died last Saturday, 6 days after having a stroke/bleed on the brain. He was very well up until then, for an almost 89 year old, so it was a tremendous shock to us all.

I feel so bad that I am not helping my sister and Stepmother more with the arrangements and not doing my part.

But just living with and coping with the day to day symptoms of MS leaves me with no energy to do more than the bare minimum.

This weekend I am spending time quietly at home because I have to go back into work tomorrow and I just need to conserve energy for the week ahead and the funeral on 29th. But I feel bad. My sister works full-time too and has a houseful as her children are still at home, whereas I am an empty-nester. But I feel so bad and useless.

I am doing some of the admin and business side of things, which is what I do at work, but my sister is doing the practical and caring. I feel I am not doing enough and I look uncaring.

Gill

Sorry, the above is my post. I had not meant to post it anonymously.

hi gill

i’m so very sorry for your loss.

27 years ago my mum died really suddenly in her sleep of a bleed on the brain so i fully understand the shock of it.

it is only you who thinks you are uncaring.

i imagine your sister thinks no such thing.

what would your dad have said? “don’t be daft lass” or something like that.

you can still talk to him you know.

i talk to my mum all the time, it feels good.

you and your sister have an important day ahead to say goodbye to your dad.

and to prop each other up - it’s a two way thing.

wishing you happy memories of your dad.

carole x

Hello Gill,

It may be that you and your sister have divided the load fairly between you.

This might sound unfashionable but why not write a letter to your sister telling her what you’ve told us and how you feel? Tell her about the memories and the sense of loss. The feelings that risk getting forgotten in the practical day to day organisation that needs to be done.

There’s no need to wait until the day of the funeral, that’ll be a busy day in itself!

I’m like Carole, I talked to my Mum for years after she died. She helped me sort out a lot of problems.

Best wishes,

Anthony