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Married but lonely

This is tough, I’m sitting here feeling lonely and alone. My marriage has recently ended after 33 years. I have lived with rrms for 29 years. I just don’t know where to go from here.

Well, you’re made a good move by posting on here, I’m listening and so many others too, you won’t be lonely for long.

I’m so sorry you’re by yourself, that is tough. I don’t really know how to be helpful apart from suggest joining a knit and chat group or the like. What are your strengths and are you inclined to use them? You’ll be valuable to someone. I’m lucky not to be lonely but I do need a kick upt’ arse to get involved in something worthwhile, definitely not knitting but I could chat.

I’m reluctant to leave the house, bit of an effort, but I could if I made one. I also have a couple of furry friends that I hate to leave by themselves, but again, I’m lucky because I am able to take them out and I regularly meet up with other dog walkers, they walk, I trundle, but they’re kind enough to pass the time of day with me.

I’m here if you need me X.

If it were me, I would be getting on Tinder/ the dating apps and having a go to see what else is out there…life is too short to stay stagnant, you have to move on and seize the day

Hi,

I’m afraid I can’t suggest car maintenance or quilt making as I know nothing about either subject. But then I don’t know anything about you either.

Tell us a bit about yourself. Nobody is allowed to bite (except Tracey’s ferret and he can’t type).

Anthony

You have made a big step now, albeit virtually. You are no longer alone. Friends are strangers not yet met, well, here we are. Everyone on here are priceless, old hands or new members. Input whatever you need to, even if it is just to have a moan. I’m not going to say I know what you are experiencing, but I will say, you’ve become a member of a very special club, shame MS is the precursor, but as for support & madness you will be rewarded with more company than you can dream of. Welcome to the motley crew MBL, looking forward to getting to know you. Please don’t worry about my ferret, aka Fezbomb, Mr D is quite correct, typing or reading are not gifts he possesses, & as for biting, he’s far to lazy to, unless of course, you put your fingers in his mouth or touch his unicorn, see BF thread. Seriously though, keep joining in, best thing I did joining these lovely lot, wouldn’t be without them, see you very soon Tracey xxxx

Touch his unicorn’, sounds dirty. Especially when addressed to someone named ‘Married but Lonely’.

Btw, MBL (as Tracey has dubbed you), why not ask the admin people if you can change your email user name?

I apologise for being flippant. I think you need to tell us something about yourself apart from your current marital status and the length of your MS diagnosis.

Meanwhile, given that you joined a year ago and were already lonely, it seems that to be alone is better than to be lonely yet married. I hope you can find companionship and a bit of common feeling amongst us on the forum.

Sue

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A year ago?!! Bloody hell MBL, Sue’s right, you really ought to change your user name. I am sorry you are in this shitty position, but you have already made contact, so you could/should feel you can open up a tad more. Help is always on hand but you need to want it. On that note, things will have to be broached by you, we are here if you need us & we will still be here if you don’t. Anyway, hope you can feel in a better place very soon & able to involve us in any support we may be able to give to you should you want it.

Uni is very dirty Sue, I wouldn’t touch it, nasty. xx

I will start with my normal…hugs.

i think hugs are great, that is in less I am trying to be strong & someone gives me a hug ( I nearly said ‘gives me one’ & realized it could be misinterpreted). Ok if I am given a hug when wobbling I cry. I don’t like crying.

I hope I have made you smile.

someone has pointed out that when you first joined a year ago you called yourself 'married but lonely. ’

I get its hard to share in a public place, but… To understand what someone needs even a little info helps. If you chose not to ‘share’ then please understand that people won’t respond, not through a lack of empathy, just without having any info the risk of saying the wrong thing is too high.

i agree with my learned friends, tell us a bit about yourself.

doesn’t have to be personal, but what you do, like, etc.

i’ll give you a quick synopsis of me - i’m 59 had ms for 9 years (that i know of).

married with 2 grown up sons.

love live music but can’t afford tickets these days.

like cinema, theatre and reading.

dabble with paints now and then.

so if you want to chat to a knock kneed knackered old nosebag, i’m here for you.

you will survive this, you’re stronger than you think.

Has anyone else checked MBL hasn’t pooped up on another post having changed their name… just a thought … In any event *waves … well you’ve already met most of the foggiest on here and well I’m sure that hasn’t put you off… and with an offer like that from a knock kneed knackered old nosebag that’s our Carol consider yourself at home … I’ll be looking out for when you pull up a pew with a cup of rosey, I think the BF thread is the only licencesed one, and a digestive and have more of a chat… just don’t dunk your biscuit apparently not everyone dunks blew my mind ! If dunking is your thing may I introduce you to the banana it’s cracking in tea … Any who wherever you are in the world your not alone here xx

Who are you calling motley?? hehehe Juls

[quote=“Flutterby Butterfly”] If dunking is your thing may I introduce you to the banana it’s cracking in tea … [/quote] WTF??? lol

Grandma, just when you had redeemed yourself, dirty girl, Flutty, your mad, but lovely & I hope MBL hasn’t ‘pooped’ on another thread!! xxx

sticking my neck out here - often when we get posts like this the OP seems to disappear and we never hear from them again.

Well married but lonely (yes you do need a new name), you don’t move on from sitting there. Coping skills needed and a plan. If you are still in the same house that you shared, you need to sort it out. It doesn’t have to be drastic but if you are still in the same surroundings I recommend making them your surroundings. Change some furniture, get rid of some things that bring memories every day, invite your own personality into the room. Buy something decadent, get a state of the art stereo, go on holiday (I found out last year you can lots of help if you tell holiday firms you are unwell), anything that your M.S. enables you to do.

I went to counselling after not this change, but many forced changes which made my whole life different over a short period of time. It was mindfulness counselling and I use that and try to share it every day. It takes away the ‘oh no, what about me’ feelings. I also moved house twice then to a bungalow so big changes for me. I initially bought new clothes, a new style, chucked all grim photos out or gave important ones to my children to keep. Even got rid of the old clock that had been there for many years. New look, new outlook.

I joined, and it was not easy to even walk there never mind go, several clubs at the library. On a good day now, I drive somewhere even if it is to the garden centre. This is my time, if I want to waste it looking at flowers, I can.

Thing is, you need to do something. Life is difficult, it can be changed but a little bit at a time. Sometimes the hurt is still there but don’t let it beat you, socks up, pull your outlook on and decide what small change can you make today. The nicest thing I did first, was to give to the charity shop all my mismatched family knives and forks. I took them up the road, cleaned my cutlery draw out, put a liner in then went to Freeport and bought lovely, easy to use, gripper matching delicate knives, forks and spoons. I even have desert forks and spoons. Then I made my way through the house, bit at a time. Oh and if you have any drawers with grey underwear or socks, no! Just no! The day starts, even if it is a bad day, with good things, not grey ten year old vests. My January job each year is to address this issue. Tidy cupboards, tidy minds, nothing grey and drab. Spring is around the corner. Anyway, you might think I sound a bit bonkers, but I definitely believe you need a plan. Looking forward to your response. My thing for today, is to get off my arse after being not brill for weeks and going to buy a new towel for the bathroom. Then back to bed for the day!!

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That woz well rit Hebeyellow, sorry I’m not the intended responsa but I’m going to take some pointers from that…and I need a new towel!

x

Hebe,

That is possibly the best advice I will read this year.

Thank you.

Best wishes,

Anthony x

Hi Hebe, I really admire your positivity and the advice you give. I nursed my severely disabled son for sixteen years and found that my coping strategy was to deal with one day at a time and I now find I need a similar strategy to deal with MS. Take care, Sue x

Hi Just saw your thread and it in a similar situation. Things are very strained and hard for me. I have been trying my best to do other things but can’t bring myself to do anything. Can anyone else relate?

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I’m new to the forum, and can say you won’t feel lonely with all these wonderful people , if you ever need to chat xx

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