I’m sorry for such a negative post, but would really wecome any advice and guidance!
Have been having a problem with a colleague since my condition made itself known (approx 2 years), She’s been making spiteful comments about my physical ability and fatigue. Over the past couple of months I have moved on to using a stick to hep with mobility, and most of my work mates have been very supportive.
Her negative behaviour has increased to the point where she was leaning forward into my face intimidating me to the point that I stepped back and tripped over my stick.
I now find myself in the grieveance procedure, and the next step is for me and her to sit with a mediator and discuss my concerns! I am absolutely dreading this she is obviously going to sit there and deny everything.
What happens if I lose my job, given my current physical state who the hell would give me a job?
Hi freckles, what a horrible situation. Is there not someone at work who has witnessed any of her behaviour who can back you up? What about union rep if you are part of union? Before mediation write down everything you want to say and practice so you won’t get flustered and forget things, don’t let her intimidate you, look her right in the eye when you are describing what she has done to let her know it ends now as you are not taking her carry on any longer, even if you are shaking in your boots don’t let her see. Good luck L x
Linda is reight about writing everything down - it will help organise your thoughts. Also remain calm throughout and don’t let her get you upset or angry. You need to seem like you are perfectly reasonable (not that I’m saying you aren’t but you know what I mean). Do you have any witnesses? I find it hard to believe you would lose your job even if she denys everything it comes down to your word against hers. In future if it happens again write it in a diary along with time and place and what happened.
Good luck (hope you take her to the cleaners, people leike that really annoy me)
Just want to echo what has been said above by Linda and JBK.
I can understand how this is dragging you down. Also, stress is a killer for MS symptoms so you try and stay calm for the sake of yourself (if you know what I mean). Don’t let her pull you down.
You’ve done nothing wrong. It is her that needs to be taught how to behave.
But why are you going to mediation? The problem-maker is your colleague. (She has probably been a problem-maker all her life and will enjoy the present situation as she will be confident that she will ‘win’ when it comes to mediation.) In a nutshell she’s a bully. Tell your line-manager exactly what has been said and done to you, emphasising that you are being bullied. And if things are not resolved you will take your grievance to the head of the organisation. Mention the Disability Discrimination Act which gives some protection from bullying.
You have had lots of sensible advice on here. And yes, it does sound as if she is a bully. Have anyone else had a problem with her - as they might be able to ‘back’ you up. But yes, write it all down - KEEP CALM - and look straight at her - do not be intimidated. lf she does kick off - she will just show her true colours.
We are all behind you - NO we are all standing alongside you in this. So feel the strength. We are a force not to be reckoned with.
thanks for all the advice and lovely support, it really means a lot and goes a long way to making me feel better.
Tomorrow morning 9am we meet with the Head Master and our line manager to try and resolve the issue. She is totally denying everything and has said I am making it all up. Dreading it have never been in this sort of situation before and have no idea what to expect.
My line manager and the Head have both (unoficcially) given me their backing. She is a drama queen and I expect that she will sit there crying and I will feel guilty and probably look it!
Don’t understand how people can get a kick out of making other peoples lives so miserable!
Good luck for tomorrow, people like that need sorting out, one way or another. As has been said, write everything down, that really helped me when i had a very difficult meeting with my head. Keep calm and remember, we are all supporting you. Don’t let her bring you down to her level. Let us know how it goes, will be thinking of you xx
Have been in a similar situation. My guess is she will get very upset, say that she didn’t realise that what she was doing was causing distress, be very apologetic and because of this approach she will ESCAPE ANY CENSURE from the head/line manager because she knows that appearing to be upset gives the impression to the managers that she is sorry and contrite. She is neither. Things will be settled for a while and then she’ll start again either on you or someone else. It will follow the same pattern – abuse and bullying then tearful apologies. What you must make clear is that if it happens again you are taking your complaint higher up - do not be influenced by her crocodile tears. Tell them you feel that you are being Discrimanted against and it’s not acceptable. Take notes IN the meeting - record what she said and what the head/line manager said. This will give you a sense of control.
Oh dear…Its not nice, however you are in the right. The truth always comes out in situations like this. The power of thought is a living thing!! When you go to meeting tomorow, remember all us lot will be there with you…
Take on board what excellent advise you have been given!!
Had the dreaded meeting in the Heads office, to be fair to him he was extremely good at managing the situation. She totally denied everything as I expected her to. She sat with her head down not looking at anyone tissue in her hand with her voice wobbling emotionally!
I took everyone’s advice stayed calm and make good eye contact with everyone. As there has never been a witness it was basically my word against hers.
The outcome is that if either of us want to take it further we write to the Chair of Governors. All I’ve ever wanted is for the nastiness to stop, and not to fell sick everytime I see her.
My line manager has said that because it’s out in the open and others are now involved it will stop.
So fingers crossed for a peaceful life!
Thanks again for all your support and advice really appreciate it.