Wish I wasn't so intimidated

Hi all,

feel really low, and need someone to give me a good kick (virtual not real!) To cut a long story short verbal and physical unwanted behaviour towards me at work ongoing for over two years. Tried grievance procedure etc but the situation is culminating in a mediation process.

I’m called a crippled **** and other foul names. Can anyone explain how mediation will work?

Back to work tomorrow after Christmas break and can’t get to sleep, could easily curl up in bed and cry.

I never used to be this pathetic, I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to become so intimidated.

Thanks for reading sorry it’s so depressing!

Freckles x

Hi Freckles - I think someone else could do with a good kick for treating you like that! Sounds like gross misconduct to me… We are supposed to be protected by the Equality Act - has that been any use?? You are really strong for fighting this appalling, infantile, bullying behaviour - you haven’t curled up, you’ve stood up for yourself. Bullies are good at being intimidating and not much else. Look them in the eye - they are the pathetic ones who should be ashamed. I pity people who are that ignorant.

I hope you’ve got some support in your workplace - if not, remember that you can be in the right, even if you stand alone. You are brave!

Good luck for today, and let us know how you get on


Hi sweetie - this had been going on for too long.

How about you get a small dictaphone and every time you see this person, hold it out and press record, or if you have a smart phone start recording on it. You aren’t hiding anything and if this person continues you have evidence. If you already have such then surely this can then be taken to the police for harassment.

Failing that - start walking with a stick and let it slip a few times around her shins. Easily done in this wet weather!!!

I hope you finally get somewhere with the mediation hun

JBK xx

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OMG. You poor thing.

Not sure if mediation would work with this idiot.

You are not being pathetic.

If I were in your position and if I got full pay while this was happening I would go off sick with stress, visiting my GP to tell him/her all about the stress that I was under then let them sort it out while I was out and not go back til it was sorted.

Are you in a union?

Shazzie xx

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Aww, Freckles, honey

Your employer has let you down big time for letting things get to this point and not dealing with it. I understand how people can be devious and manipulative though as we have someone similar at my workplace who has got away with being really nasty and even swearing at colleagues. Yet this person is really nice to management so nobody has dealt with them properly. There are some people who can see straight through the fake people but others who just can’t see what they are really like.

I really feel for you in the mediation. Have a look at what mediation is supposed to be about and try to refrain from making personal attacks during the process. Otherwise it will look as if you are the one with a problem - exactly what such devious people hope to achieve.

Good luck, hopefully if you can remain calm and patient during the process the other party will blow a gasket and show her true colours. Sometimes not showing that their jibes and cruelty get to you can make them even more frustrated so that could work in your favour …

Tracey xx

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Chi freckles. I used mediation and restorative process in my work with young offenders. It will give u a chance face to face to tell this person the effect they have had on you. Do not feel intimidated by this process. It’s normal to feel nervous and unsure but the process should be explained to you in detail before it goes ahead. I have done many restorative processes. And it can be really effective only if the person harmed feels that the person involved takes response similitude for their actions. It’s important for u to be honest about the effect this has had on you. This should allow the person to see the harm they have caused. And get a chance to make amends. I can totally understand you may want nothing to do with it but trust me it can draw a line under it. It’s out of order and completely wrong g for anyone to make you feel like this especially in your work place. Ask for more information about mediation from ur employer and don’t take part in it unless you are totally happy. It won’t work anyway if I not. Good luck and stay strong there is an end to this.

Hi Freckles, I think this could be a case of gross misconduct. If I hear one of our employees using that word they will receive a written warning and so on, I think anybody that uses that word or any other foul language,just sums them up as being idiots. If I were you I would also request that an independent person be present whilst in mediation. Good luck with it all.

Do you have to attend the “mediation”? I do understand the principles behind it, but I don’t think it’s for everyone, and I would certainly not feel disposed to “mediate with” someone who’d called me “a crippled c*nt” - or anything remotely similar.

Mediation suggests there is common ground to be reached, or perhaps even that there has been error on both sides. If it was completely unprovoked, and I didn’t feel it was part of some feud for which I’d been at least a tiny bit to blame, I can’t really imagine what common ground I’d have with such a person.

I’m sure we’ve had this discussion before, but I think, in your place, I’d have been tempted to go straight to the police by now, and bypass work’s attempts to “mediate” altogether.

What the person is doing is a criminal offence of causing harassment, alarm or distress, and you have also mentioned or hinted at assaults. That isn’t a workplace spat, it’s a crime or pattern of crimes, and there’s provision for harsher sentencing if it’s proved it was motivated at least partly by disability - just the same way there is recognition of racially aggravated crimes.

Work aren’t above the law: they can’t stop you going to police, and force you to accept their “mediation” instead, if what’s happened to you is a crime.



Hi Freckles,

I have read your posts before and this seems to have been going on for far too long. What sort of person does this? Have they got a thing about disabled people?

Sounds to me this person really needs help. They are the one with the problem not you (apart from ms).

I really feel for you having to put up with this for all this time, no wonder you don’t want to go back to work. It must be so soul destroying.

i think by the sound of things your work just wants it all to go away.

I don’t have any answers but sending you ((hugs)). Have you seen a solicitor? They might be able to point you in the right direction.

Keep your head up high. You are doing brilliantly.

Mags xx

What a horrid situation for you. I agree with others that your employers are letting you down badly here. Mediation for when people are unable to see eye to eye and need help to find a way of getting along, despite their differences, and working together in peace. It is not, not, NOT a substitute for management dealing with the misconduct of an employee who has been grossly offensive and insulting to another. It is management’s job to investigate and discipline the culprit. Beyond your contribution to the investigation, you shouldn’t even be involved.

In your shoes, I would be getting independent legal advice, and fast. I would ideally want my solicitor’s advice on whether even to get involved in the so-called mediation. If that isn’t possible in the time available, I would probably go along with mediation, because Employment Tribunals can frown upon people who haven’t exhausted all the internal procedures available to them first, even if, as in your case, the so-called ‘mediation’ is a travesty.

Talk to an expert, please. It is amazing how the arrival of a solicitor’s letter can make bosses sit up and pay attention, by the way. That alone can be very useful.

Try not to lose too much sleep, though. You’ll get through this somehow.

GOod luck.


Hi Freckles,

So sorry you are going through this…the person is obviously an ignorant, weak insecure individual as all bullies are and it’s very sad to think that someone gets pleasure in life by bullying other people. It’s incredibly cowardly and basically they are no better than something you’d scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

If they are physically harming you, surely that warrants as actual assault and I would go to the police. You cannot continue to suffer like this. What do your other work colleagues think of the situation?

Don’t let this cretin spoil your quality of life. You don’t deserve this. Why the hell should he/she be swanning around getting away with such pathetic and cruel behaviour.

I don’t know anything about mediation but are you allowed to take someone with you who knows how much this is affecting you, maybe they can speak up for you also. Your employers sound like they are burying their heads in the sand…ridiculous.

Keep us posted and I do hope things will get better for you.

Anne-Marie x

It’ll cost you but go for legal advice. The law is on your side.

Once your employer sees you mean business he/she will start sorting things out.

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Ru in the union? Get union representative at all meetings and get legal advise through themxx

Hello lovely people

Thank you for your replies, I’m so glad I joined this forum it has been instrumental in keeping me sane!

I quoted the equality act to the school Governors to no avail. I spoke to a solicitor from the Disabled Law Service today, and after reading the letter I had from the Governors in reply to the grievance she said they hadn’t addressed the issues I’d raised. Because it was longer than three months ago I can’t do anything about it! Also she said that to go to tribunal would cost me an initial £250 followed by another £950, and basically a tribunal would come own to who they believe!

I invested in a pen that is actually a mini camcorder, but she is so quick that I can’t record her. My union has been useless and have never fought my corner basically saying from day one that I should go for mediation. I already walk with a stick and she has on one occasion kicked it away from me as she walked past!

The police have said there are a number of things they can do and they take any complaint of harassment very seriously, particularly unwanted conduct related to disability. Swearing in a public place such as a school car park would be classed as a violation of the Public Order Act. Any form of physical contact would be classed as assault. They will look to intervene if this conduct creates a hostile intimidating or offensive environment.

I basically feel extremely let down by the system and the people I work with who haven’t got the ba**s to stand up to this woman!

Thanks for your support

Freckles xxx

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Aww freckles what a horrible situation Fir u to be in. It would brake ur heart seeing anyone being treated like this. U must be very strong person to have taken it as long as u gave u should be so proud of ur self. People xan only take so much though. Ut sounds like this woman us helium in some way nit that thus excuses her behaviour but could she gave been diagnosed with something recently and reacting badly? It doesn’t sound like normal adult behaviour I wonder what’s behind ut clearly urs ger that needs help. U gave git determination and admiration For carrying on regardless what an inspiration you are. It’s absolutely disgraceful and ud never have coped as well as you. I knw u want ut to stop hun. Please don’t give up and let her intimidate u. Ur worth a million if thus woman and karma will come round and bite her on th bum and u can watch it with ur head geld high. Hugs xx


have you contacted your local councillor/MP

remember there is an election coming up soon so they may be more helpful, saying that I have a good MP who helped when they tried to change my medication because of costs.My doctor was also more than happy for me to go down this route.


Hi Freckles

How’s it going? I was browsing our website and remembered that our school has an Equality policy which most employers of a certain size have to have.

I quote:-

"The general duty to promote disability equality is owed to all disabled people,

which means that due regard must be given to:

 Promoting equality of opportunity between disabled people and other


 Eliminating unlawful discrimination

 Eliminating disability related harassment

 Encouraging participation by disabled people in public life

 Taking steps to take account of the disabilities of disabled people "

Your employer must have something similar and they are really letting you down. Have you tried going over the Head/Governors and going straight to County or as suggested above going to your local MP quoting the Equality policy? You are experiencing disability related harrassment and it should be eliminated. I’m afraid this is not the time to worry about embarrassing your employers - they haven’t given a cr@p about your feelings through all of this. The more I think about your situation, the more cross I become

Tracey x

Hello Freckles,

Let me start by saying that Im genuinely sad and angry that you have to live this situation what you have to go through right now is unacceptable and it makes me sick ! I`m part of upper management in an international company and if one of my employees would do this to someone else I would suspend him or her immediately…depending on the person I could fire him or her on the spot. Every company in the world have a code of conduct that every employee have signed and agreed too before starting your new work. Everyone has to live by that code even the president of that company.

Get a copy of that code of conduct and read the hell out of if and highlight the point that are not being respected. Confront your union and go see Human Resources of your company(HR tend to be a lot more human and comprehensive than Union).

Your union should be backing you regardless of anything, but sadly unions don’t work that way. If you are being ostracised by them and other co workers , it just means that you are doing a mighty good job and you are a good employee. Union will always protect the undeserving more that the deserving ones.

If both option fails…go to war,take notes of everything, from all parties. write down day/time of the actions, saying of your bully…those will be your ammunition in court.

Don’t loose hope, someone, somewhere will help you out .

Kind Regards

lf this is how the school governing body treat ‘bullying’ of their staff - what is the their policy for the pupils. The police will help more if you tell them you are being harrassed.

But do speak to your MP. or go to County as already advised. Don’t let them get away with it - as they will only go on to doing it to someone else as well as you.

Hi All,

thank you for your comments and suggestions.

On the 19th January I am going to London with my local MP. I am going to Downing Street, to a reception held by The Prime Minister for Community Champions.

My MP is driving us there, so I will have his undivided attention for at least three hours. He is a retired police inspector too. so hopefully he will have a lot of good advice and guidance for me.

So I am really excited to be going to meet the Prime Minister, politics aside it will be a very interesting experience. Also I think it shows people that I’m not the person with a problem in this situation I find myself in.

I have to go to mediation on 27th January (what a joke!) I can’t see it working. i will listen carefully to the advice from my MP, and probably will have to go to the police with everything.

Freckles xxx

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