Hi all I have posted before on my relationship difficulties. I have had MS for 15 years now but for the last ten sex has been very rare. I have had endless conversations with my wife but she feels that my sexual disfunction is part her fault. I tell her it is part of the condition but she is unwilling to even try anymore. I have now reached the point I am looking for an affair, an old friend knows of my problems and she may be willing to help me. am wrongt to be even concidering this?
If you wife finds out there is no going back. Would you care if she found out. Could you with the guilt. I was in a sexless marriage that was before ms. I had an affair and the guilt wasn’t good but I did feel more alive and it was great to be wanted Having said that having left my partner just before my ms hit being single with ms isn’t all that fun. I can get sex easily enough if I so wish but someone being there to talk through how I’m feeling is more important. I just want a cuddle someone to say it’s ok I’m here for you. At the end of the day it your choice. Would your friend want something more?
This is just my personal opinion and I must admit to it being strongly coloured by being previously married to someone who had affairs because of the lack of sex in our relationship.
If something is not right in your marriage then I think you have to make some choices. Are you prepared to put up with it or do you want to stop being married? I don’t think staying married but seeking the missing element elsewhere is one of the choices.
I was fully aware that our dismal physical relationship was down to me (MS related I think) but that didn’t mean that I was happy about my husband seeking it elsewhere, lying and cheating and making a complete mockery of 25 years of marriage. If you think that your wife will be accommodating and understanding – I think you will be disappointed. I felt like a fool and I am pretty sure your wife will too.
Hi there I just wondered if you had tried any counselling, be it relationship or sexual therapy? Perhaps that might be a place to start before you embark on an affair. I am not going to cast judgement on your situation, but maybe that would be a start x
I think this is very sad.
I don’t know you so I wouldn’t comment on you personally, All I can do is comment as if it were me. I would be absolutely devastated if my husband looked elsewhere for sex. I am sure he would rather do without than hurt me. Perhaps we are just lucky that we have a special relationship but I am sure we are not the only ones that feel this way.
Shazzie
I totally with Shazzie.
** I totally agree with Shazzie.
I agree with Shazzie.
If you do have an affair, you are just proving to your wife that your disfunction issues are all her fault. That’s assuming you actually can ‘do the deed’, as they say.
Counselling sounds like the obvious next move to me, but it’s not for everyone.
I hope for both your sakes you find a way through this. I have the ‘lack of libido’ some MS people have and we’ve not had sex for years. It’s nothing to do with my boyfriend, just me and my MS.
take care
Thanks anons. I second what you say too.
Shazzie x
It not just the sex I miss the kissing and cuddling as well
Do you actually expect someone to say yes you should do it? Instead of seeking some sort of justification from a bunch of strangers, maybe speak to your wife and tell her what you’re thinking of doing.
To answer your first post`s question…
in a word, yes. I am sure it will only lead you to further, much worse problems…unless your wife is extremely understanding…
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I think you should be asking yourself if you still love your wife. I would feel deeply hurt and betrayed, if I thought my husband was speaking like this on a forum. We are quite close and open with each other. You should be speaking to your wife about this. Have ypu discussed trying joint counselling…do you both feel it’s worth trying? You have an old friend who maybe willing to help you…that’s jolly decent of her. If I was you, I would Give this a bit more thought and speak to your wife. Decide if you both want to stay married to each other. Good luck
Tomayto - Tomato
It really doesn’t matter what it is. If you are actively looking for something that’s missing by going outside your marriage – you are looking for a new relationship.
I wish that my ex husband had been honest and come right out with it that he wanted something different – but he didn’t, he lied and cheated in attempt to have his cake and eat it!
TBH I bet your wife would want to kill you if she found out that you had even discussed it with your “old friend” Betrayed or what?
Hi again…seems the majority verdict is against your idea of seeking sex elsewhere. How do you feel now?
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you have pm
[quote=“zetland”]
you have pm
[/quote] I have not acted on having an affair. I have listent to all and digested all your comments. many thanx
[quote=“zetland”]
you have pm
[/quote] I have not acted on having an affair. I have listent to all and digested all your comments. many thanx
Some would say the thought is just as bad as the act. For me it is still a betrayal and if I found out, I would struggle to forgive.
x
Hi i am a bloke with morals and i make no appology if this offends or upsets , i think to be asking such a question would point that you dont have feelings for your wife and what your asking is so wrong in many different ways , having been treated like your idea in previous situations i feel strongly about this and think your bang out of order.
Put the shoes on the other foot how would you feel if she had an affair ? my wife is my anchor id be lost without her she does everything and means everything to me , your so wrong , if you feel the need to do this then you should be looking at treating your wife properly and split up before you start your explorations elsewhere
sorry but no one will ever convince me what your asking advice on is right its not and its wrong