Forum

Sex & Relationship

Hi. Feeling really flat this morning.

This horrible horrible disease has left me with hardly any sensation down below, if you know what I mean. I have tried to work hard at making this ok between me and my hubby, but it’s really hard. I know things are going wrong between us. I know he has been looking at the men’s mags, and although I hate them, it’s been a mean to an end. But yesterday I discovered that he has been logging into live porn sessions. I feel awful like he has had an affair. I can’t accept this as part of the deal. We have been married for 15 years with three lovely children. Do I confront him, or let it into my life like everything else: (

Hi - I think you need to talk to each other… I know its a difficult subject, but please I’m sure it is worth a go. Not sure what meds you are taking or what type of MS you have, have you spoken to your nurse - I know its embarrassing, but they have heard it before and these symptoms are very common with ms… I have had this in the past and know how difficult it is for both the person it affects and their partner. I too would feel betrayed by these porn sessions, some men feel this is acceptable… If you do not, then I would say. Have you tried any stimulation using aids etc… Sorry to be familiar… You state that you have 3 lovely children together… so if it was me, then anything is worth a go to try to save a relationship. I’ve had issues in my relationship, which sometimes feel like its time to walk away, but I havent cos of my girls. I do hope that you are able to talk… Good luck x G

Hi

I am the other side of the equation and have found that I need porn for stimulation. For some reason, this enables me to become stimulated and sadly, this is something that for mental reasons, is not easy anymore for my wife. An awful thing for you as I genuinely understand. My predicament is such that I dare not even divulge this. However, there should be no reason for a breakdown in your relationship and I guess, unlike myself, honesty probably is the best policy and communication is vital.

Not sure if this helps any but happy to chat if you so wish.

Take care x

Hi, I have same issue hardly any sensation down below and yes i’ve mentioned it to my neurologist but she basically blanked it i even bought a vibrator to use with him seemed to work i won’t go into detail but he would use that on me while i pleasured him in other ways at same time. So neither of us felt betrayed it was just extra fun don’t use all time cos there’s no replacement for real thing, but if sensation really low while intimate, i just remember how it used to be and how felt before MS and it all seems to come flooding back. I would talk to him it’s bad enough we feel useless at best of times but that department even though not essential is part of your love for each other, And if what he’s doing makes feel worse you have to tell him, don’t let this ruin your marriage just tell him, i know i wouldn’t allow it but i did give him option to stay or go at begining of diagnosis and 10yrs later he’s still here. Make sure you still have your kisses and cuddles and impulsive passion when you can.

wendz x

Hi, I have same issue hardly any sensation down below and yes i’ve mentioned it to my neurologist but she basically blanked it i even bought a vibrator to use with him seemed to work i won’t go into detail but he would use that on me while i pleasured him in other ways at same time. So neither of us felt betrayed it was just extra fun don’t use all time cos there’s no replacement for real thing, but if sensation really low while intimate, i just remember how it used to be and how felt before MS and it all seems to come flooding back. I would talk to him it’s bad enough we feel useless at best of times but that department even though not essential is part of your love for each other, And if what he’s doing makes feel worse you have to tell him, don’t let this ruin your marriage just tell him, i know i wouldn’t allow it but i did give him option to stay or go at begining of diagnosis and 10yrs later he’s still here. Make sure you still have your kisses and cuddles and impulsive passion when you can.

wendz x

Sorry it posted twice

Hello,

I am sure that there are a lot of people going through these problems but nobody only a few people to want to talk about it.

My counsellor said that any disability hits you like a bereavement. The problem with sex becoming a disability is that you lose a lot more than just the sex. Having sex is good, it strengthens the relationship, helps to maintain the bond btween you and the other half.

I now have to use a pump but OH not really interested in me using a pump and my lack of sensation when we make love. Yup, I find it very difficult to live with this loss and still do. OH is not bothered about stopping sex but it frustrates the hell out of me. OK I’m 57 and she is 60. I’m sure we would still occacionally make love if I did not have this disability. I know I want to because the feeling after making love has gone forever - that is what I really miss

Don’t worry, I have plenty of other disabilities but sex is the one that stresses me out - thats one of the reasons that I talk to a counsellor.

I hope this issue is not destrying an otherwise healthy relationship, I hope this has been a help. If this is any help go to my website www.aid4disabled.com. I don’t talk about this issue but there are other related issues etc.

Good luck,

Patrick