Hi You should be honest and speak to your wife about how you feel, having an affair isn’t going to fix the problems you are currently facing it will only make matters worse. My ex partner cheated on me and when I found out it wasn’t him having sex with someone else that hurt me the most it was the fact he was dishonest, lying to my face about where he was been etc I wished he spoke to me and so did he after it was all out in the open. This decision will affect both you and your wife for the rest of your life. Do you want to be someone who lies and becomes dishonest? Is that something you can live with? If you start and affair and your wife finds out this may break her heart and will give her real trust issues with not just you but others aswell. She may wonder who else knew? It’s doesn’t just change the way your wife sees you but the way family and friends see you aswell. If its you that’s having the affair it will you that everyone see as the one in the wrong. I hope you can speak to your wife and work through things. I don’t mean to sound harsh but there is so much to consider about how this decision will affect both you and your wife.
Just one more comment.
Your “friend” doesn’t sound like a nice person. I would stick to your wife if I were you. She sounds much nicer.
Shazzie
ok I should give you all the details. My wife had an affair 5 years, that left me with trust issues.
hun - this is just my opinion - two wrongs do not make a right. Discuss things with your wife, please. Tell her that you miss cuddling her and try having a night in with popcorn and some good movies and do just that - cuddling and kissing on the sofa. Agree that it will go no further - it would take some pressure off you both. If she is not prepared to do that then you two have a serious problem and councelling may be your only solution. But if you wish to seek a physical relationship elsewhere then you must end things with your wife first.
Good luck hun
JBK xx
look in your message box.
to be honest vlesat you’re on a hiding to nothing on this site when it comes to the mention of any marital issues.
The majority, if not all posters, will see the wife as the wronged victim and the husband as the root of all the trouble. This despite knowing very little of the full circumstances.
Actually Zetland I would say that most are just baffled at a question of that sort, being put to a public forum of strangers. I don’t think sex/gender/martial role comes into it.
I don’t think sex gender or marital statues comes into it at all & whilst i make no apologies for what i
said vlesat morally to me it is wrong & hurtful to either party but if it has happened to you that is wrong
& bang out order too , i can relate but jelly is right 2 wrongs don’t make a right , counselling , therapy anything
has got to be better as surely both parties are suffering extreme stress, i know what i would do but it’s gotta
be your choice or a choice you make together , i hope in the end it works out okay for you , but morally i
stand by what i said & im not religious in anyway ( sometimes i wish i was) just the path above causes
heartbreak for males or females , i hope it works out whichever path is taken.
Viesat - I can honestly say that if the genders were reversed my advice would be the same. Anyone who assumes otherwise needs to remove the chip from their shoulder (vinegar can stain you know). Having an affair is not right and - in most cases, it is more honest and healthier to split. But let that be the last option that you try.
I do wish you luck and hope you get a resolution of some sort to your problem (even if you are a bloke )
JBK x
And yet many posters felt able to advise/comment on vlaset’s question.
Also I’d say from the replies I’ve read that gender was a very important factor.
Yourself included? I don’t generally post but from what I have seen, a female posts about a rubbish breakup with ex. You post that you would have more sympathy for the person that chooses not to air their dirty laundry in public. A male posts something and you go on the defence for them. The posts were gender related because the OP identified themselves as male. Radical suggestion but I am sure if OP was a female the responses would probably have been the same. I will not post again on this thread. It has no business of mine at all. In two days on an MS forum we have 1) been asked in an affair is ok? and 2) how do you grow Cannabis? Come on…I have MS and guess what, I also have a moral compass. Goodnight all
I think I have made a decidion, I don’t want to have an affair.
Hi again, I think you`ve made the right decision luv.
I hope things improve and you and your lady can get closer again.
luv Pollx
thank you Boudica. I have had so harsh words.
Glad you have made a decision and I hope you and your lady find happiness.
Shazzie
I wish you both all the best hun. Hopefully having made your decision you will be able to find some happiness with your wife.
JBK xx
[quote=vlesat]
thank you Boudica. I have had so harsh words.
Seems to me that you’ve been bullied!
Whatever you do you have my full support.
I just told the truth. I thought someone else may have had the same problem.
[quote=“zetland”]
[quote=vlesat]
thank you Boudica. I have had so harsh words.
Seems to me that you’ve been bullied!
Whatever you do you have my full support.
[/quote] Thank you Zetland
thank you Zetland