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Husband wants to separate as I don't give him sex!

So… I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and we have 2 perfect children. On the outside, we have the perfect life although things have become a massive pressure cooker. I was diagnosed in 2017 when my children were aged 2 and 4. I had to stop my well paid, full time job as I couldn’t keep up with the pace. I then worked part time for a charity, and they treated me very badly and pushed me out (not without a fight). This happened in April. I have retrained and now work on a self employed basis but earn a very low income as a pilates teacher.

We have had sex twice this year. The main reason isn’t do do with my MS - it’s about the way he makes me feel bout myself. He makes me feel stupid (i get my words muddled up now and the right word doesn’t always come out), I am constantly exhausted, and because he is so emotionally cold towards me the last thing on my mind is putting it out to him.

He has said that he wants to seek gratification elsewhere and that he could ‘easily’ find happiness elsewhere. It’s alright for him. He’s got his own job as an architect, he’s good looking, and self-confident. I don’t feel the same about myself and feel broken and very very sad indeed.

I don’t know where to start in terms of going legal/moving out/what my rights are etc… I have just started counselling as this has been brewing for a little while so I’m relieved to have some external support.

I am also either relapsing or having a flare up. None of this is helpful to MS and I have lots of fear.

well you have 2 children so their needs are important as you know. I would see a solicitor ASAP who is experienced in family law. You dont move out is it your own home or rented, are you both on deeds etc?

YOU make no decisions until you know your rights ok.

Your newly diagnosed and have had to deal with a lot of changes any normal kind loving husband would realise that and support you through it. but obviously yours is a selfish, narcistic big head. sorry i hate men like that lol.

sex is not important and its not like you are in a honeymoon period. having 2 children and working full time was hard enough without chucking in a diagnosis of MS. children are exhausting.

I dont expect before diagnoses he gave you much help with the house?

Is your husband having counselling? It never ceases to amaze me, why strong women who have worked all their lives and brought up kids suddenly allow bullies to undermine their confidence. I was as bad this was years ago mind you and i lived with a control freak and I allowed him to take away my confidence, thank god i woke up and stood up to him, and left him and went on to have 30 years with one of the most wonderfullest men you could ever meet. My ex ended up with 2 more women, and he died at 55 with drink related illness. He tried to control these women too, but in the end he forgot he was human to some extent and allowed his own body to take control of him and his destiny.

anyway nuff of that, but you are a strong women you are already thinking on how to deal with it all. good for you.

Like i said priority is find out what your rights are, do not be bullied into making decision you dont have to move out your husband has to provide you with a home for the children. dont let your husband use your MS either.

stay strong you can get through this, go kick some butt and seek advice ASAP. BUT dont tell him any of that ok. xxxxxxxxxxx p.s. LOL heres a thing i did, i sent myself FLOWERS lol with no note several times and i acted odd like I had a secret and went out a bit more WITH THE GIRLS lol, and that really creased him up lol. I know naughty but his face when he realised i didnt give a damn. xxxx

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just remember your beautiful children. my husband had an affair shortly after i was diagnosed and lied and cheated to me and our children. We are still together but do i need him…NO. See a solicitor, this really helped me and has made things clearer in my mind and i now know i can deal with this and on my terms ! Say strong i know it is difficult.

Poor form from him to be honest - richer or poorer - sickness & health etc - My MS makes me struggle with my masculinity all the time but surely, whilst sex is very important, there’s much more to a relationship than sex - contentment is vital as well & friendship.

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Great advice from Crazy Chick, stay strong. I am sorry to hear you are going through this ( and what you went through crazy chick). I can relate to alot of what you both went through.Stay strong xxxx Lina

Hello, your post rang so many bells with me as I am going through something very similar. My ex.fiance and I have been together for 30 years, we have lived together since 1995, we have one child a daughter.

I worked full time till late 2003 as an Office Administrator which I loved but, I was made redundant. My ex. fiance. and I used to do lots together and got on well. When I was diagnosed with MS he was very supportive and I was sure I wasn’t going to let MS beat me and often said so to friends and family. I wish I had known then how hard it was going to be to fight it! As the years have passed I have slowly lost much of the self confidence I once had.

My ex. fiance and I after being together for about 20 years, realised we were never going to get married and just started referring to the other as my Partner a few years ago as we wanted to stay together at the time. Things started to change with the way he talked to me and treated me i.e. he often talked to me like I was a child that didn’t know any better, started telling me what to do and when to do it instead of asking me to do something. I had a couple of car accidents which weren’t my fault (the first one was because of black ice which led to me ending up going through a fence and ending up in a muddy field he was alright about that and glad I was Ok. The second one was because of a Lorry towing a sheep float, I was heading in the opposite direction on the same road, we passed on a sharp corner and the rear of the float swung round as the lorry turned the corner, it hit my car causing major damage to the doors (it was a write off). There were a few witnesses who saw it happen, all of whom blamed the lorry driver. One woman came to my car to give me the lorry’s Number plate details as she had been driving behind him before the crash happened, she said it was definitely his fault. Anyway the car was still drive able and I was able to drive the very damaged car home, when my partner saw the damage he immediately said what have you done? He would not believe that it wasn’t my fault and wouldn’t let me contact the lady who gave me a number plate details. There have been many times when he refused to believe me when I told him something, whether it was because he didn’t like what I said or another reason don’t know. For the last few years neither of us has been happy so when he told me that he couldn’t cope with what MS is doing to me and thought we should break up I was relieved that we will soon be apart. We are both still living in the same house until I have somewhere else to move to and, he says he’ll help me and our daughter move (she is paid as my carer so she’s moving with me).

I’m sorry I answered your post to tell you that I was advised to ask Citizen’s Advice if I couldn’t afford a Solicitor, and I got so caught up in what I have been going through I almost forgot to tell you. I hope everything works out for you.

Hi Amo123

i am so sorry your husband is behaving like he is, this a reflection of himself and certainly not you. If he is emotional cold then of course you are not going to want to have sex. Who would !

You sound like a wonderful lady with two beautiful children. I really hope the counselling helps, and you start to see what a wonderful lady you are.xxx