My husband was diagnosed two years ago and its been a very tough two years, things seem to be getting harder not easier. I’m struggling to help anymore. I can cope with the changes in him physically, his care needs etc but I cannot cope with his anger and his mood swings. His tongue is so sharp he doesnt even realise how dismissive and nasty he can sound. It doesnt help that I am probably more sensitive than most so I take what he says to heart. He is always so miserable and beaten by the world. Part of me wants to scream at him and tell him to realise all the amazing things he has in his life in the hope that he will pull himself together. But I dont want to hurt him anymore, hes lost his job, his independece and his mobility is worsening rapidly but I cant go on like this, I keep waiting and waiting for it to get better but it doesnt. I am at my wits end and petrified of losing my marriage but equally petrified about staying in it. Any advice, should we have counselling? I just dont know what to do x
Can I dare to say, that you don’t have to put up with the verbal abuse from your husband. He does need to show you some respect. In the long term, you are doing him no favours by letting him get away with his behaviour.
I think joint counselling would be an excellent idea if your husband is agreeable but I think you may have to show him a bit of tough love.
I’m posting this anon, because i work in the therapeutic world. Also have MS. I believe, people need the oportunity to individual counselling, plus joint therapy. You may be able to get help through a Carer’s group, NHS has IAPT, counselling for all. Joint counselling more tricky, some GP’s have a specialist, but what’s available is a little hit and miss.
Statiscally, it is known men find it harder to talk, this makes it hard to help.
Mindfullness is brilliant, however some people may be too depressed to go straight into it and need some counselling before. It would be quite understable if one or either of you or both, are suffering with depressing, GP can assess this.
You are both suffering losses, and with MS, it can seem constant, you need time and support. Be kind to yourself, be honest but kind, about how you feel, maybe he will come round to asking for help. If he won’t straight away, maybe if you seek counselling first he will follow.
Sorry silver, I didn’t mean any offence. It’s because you used words…anger, dismissive and nasty. Please seek help won’t you, if it carry’s on. Take care
