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Not coping with husbands ms

Please can somebody offer me some advice

my husband was diagnosed 10 years ago with this horrible disease. His main symptoms are cognitive dysfunction. With 3 young children this is proving very hard to change cope with and I find myself resenting him. He shouts at the children when not deserved, Lois enough for neighbours to hear. Mood swings are a huge issue, tried 2 different types of anti depressants sofar. No change.his whole personality has changed, I barely recognise him. He makes silly mistakes, I don’t feel he is strong enough to drive any more, concerntation is 0. He has no motivation whatsoever just lies to sit on the sofa stuck in a rut, nothing I or anyone can say will get him to look after himself. He’s harder than any chance of my 3 children. Breaks my heart when he makes the children cry with his shouting.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

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Hello Katieclare,

That sounds very difficult to live with. And not at all good for your children either.

Are there times when you can talk to him about his cognitive changes, or is this constant? Is he fully aware of the change in personality? And is he angry at you?

I assume he’s seen the GP about it, if he’s tried two types of antidepressant? Did they just fail to make any difference or were the side effects intolerable?

Has he been referred to a counsellor or psychologist? And if not, is that possible?

You’ve said you don’t think he should be driving. Does he agree? Or is it something you’ve not been able to discuss?

It does sound like you need some help, I would think the GP would be your starting point.

I’m sorry, this isn’t much help in terms of knowing what is possible. But it does depend very much on how much your husband is himself aware of the changes and whether he has the desire to do something about it.

Sue

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Hi Katie, ahh, what an awful situation for all of your family. I think the previous post was really useful for Grandma to ask gp to listen.

On diagnosis of MS, each patient has a legal duty to notify DVLA & car insurers. The medical dept. of DVLA studies medical evidence (not medical opinion but actual evidence of MRI’s, L.P etc). My own licence was revoked immediately, based on cognitive issues evidence. My GP & MS Nurse wrote to support me. DVLA replied their opinion did not match the evidence of my cognitive damage.

I’m a little surprised that DVLA did not declare your husband as unsafe to drive. Has hubby got worse since 1st notification to dvla? If so, they must be made aware.

Could you speak to his MS Nurse? Similar to how Grandma did with a gp?

There are some marriages that break up due to the pressures MS brings, yet many survive, getting stronger through understanding this cruel disease.

Good luck Katie

Chrissie x

My heart goes out to you, my husband was diagnosed in 2005 and I recognise so many of the problems you are facing. MS has left my husband with many unpleasant characteristics he has changed so much from the person I married and loved.

Does he have an MS nurse? We are lucky to have one in our area and they are a great source of information and practical advice. If not contact your local Social Services Department and explain you need help. Now.

Is there a local MS Branch? They may have activities/trips for the whole family.

Unfortunately, all I can offer is a virtual hug and an ear to listen.

I am in a similar position, my husband was diagnosed in 2006 and has changed so much. I’ve tried so hard to talk to him and keep our relationship going, as with three children too, I am desperate to make it work but it’s so hard. He refuses to go on antidepressants or even acknowledge that he might be depressed. He recently had an appointment with his consultant and was told that his relapsing remitting ms is possibly turning into secondary progressive. I only discovered this as I found the follow up letter. It has sent me into a complete panic as we’ve both struggled for the last few years, and the thought of him getting worse worries me so much as I don’t feel we’re string enough as a couple to get through it. I desperately want to stay in love with him but I’m running out of ideas and I’m finding it emotionally draining, as I’m sure he is. Sorry, I know it’s not much help but I do understand what you’re going through. It’s such a horrible illness!

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Agree MS is awful for everyone living it. Much love to you and your family. I am writing while trying to blot out my husband shouting abuse at the carers. Is it too early for wine?

I’m amazed you’ve held off until 7.15 :relaxed: