Hi im really struggling caring for my husband i feel awful for saying this, more my mental health 
his mood swings are off the scale i know hes in pain and can’t do the things he used to, i don’t know how to cope with him! Im sorry if this is not the place to vent but i need to open up and i thought someone might be feeling the same as me. He always moaning or having a go he always looks at the glass half empty, i presume this is down to the ms but its really having a serious effect on me and our children, i don’t know if he has come to terms hes got ms or still in denial. Im sure other carer’s have this problem it can’t just be me any coping methods you can send my way would be greatly appreciated 
I think it’s the person rather than the MS. Obviously it will get him down at times but he needs to find positive in life, and appreciate he’s not alone in it. Maybe talk to the ms nurse or gp about getting some counselling.
I can imagine it’s extremely hard, men are a lot worse as patients! Mines awful with a headache (I’m the one with ms)
Keep reaching out, it will be a struggle for you both. Neither of you asked for this
I hope you’re ok, take care
Hi there,
This absolutely is the place to vent! It’s the best place to vent because the people here get it, whether you’ve got MS or care for somebody who has.
I can be a real moody $hit as well, and I have come to terms with having MS. It’s not an excuse, but acting like my glass is half full can be exhausting so when I’m with people that I don’t need to act for, all of the anger and frustration and bile gets spat out at them. He may well be struggling with something like depression. I say something like, because ms can cause damage to the parts of the brain that controls depression and so it is a symptom of MS sometimes, and not just a side-effect. Knowing that can make it easier to accept depression, because it’s not something that “you brought on yourself”. A lot of the time with depression you can’t recognise the mood and behaviours that go with it, and you end up in a spiral lashing out at people and things that are trying to help. Being told you’ve got depression is the last thing you want to hear, because you’re being told it’s your fault and you need to do something about it. Actually knowing that it isn’t your fault makes it much easier to accept that something can be and should be done about it.
I have no idea about how you bring the subject up though! It can be a massive help going to a social event with other people who’ve got MS and their partners, because you all get to understand each other’s experiences and you can see your own ups and downs in other peoples relationships. Knowing that what you are experiencing is normal can be a game changer, it enables you to take a step back from it and analyse it more objectively. It also creates a bit of a support bubble. I used to go to the one here in Cardiff in a pub, and it was arranged by the local MS Society group so it might be worth getting in touch to see if there is one near you, and if there isn’t to get one set up.
When he goes to see his consultant or MS nurse do you go along as well? It could be an opportunity to talk about the pressures, they’re very tactful and could actually have some really useful pointers and advice. It was because of the comment from my consultant about depression being a symptom that I started taking antidepressants. I’ve never wanted to go on them previously because I’d always Felt that I should be able to pick myself up. Sometimes feeling that you should be able to pick yourself up but not being able to do it can cause the inner rage.
I don’t know how Advanced his MS is, but if it is fairly bad then maybe respite care is something you should think about. A few days away would give you a rest and some well-deserved breathing space, as well as giving him a rest but also it will help him see how good he’s got it at the moment. I’m not suggesting that he wouldn’t be looked after properly, just that sometimes we can lose perspective and take things for granted. He might actually enjoy it as well.
I don’t envy you, you’re doing a fantastic job. Don’t forget that the MS helpline is there for you as well, blurting it all out and getting it off your chest can be a massive relief! Good luck with him
Hi there. I really really sympathise and wish I could be of help.
In my marriage I’m the one with MS (around 19y since diagnosis) . So far as I know my moods are ok- good but I do take Citalopram (20mg) - partly because when diagnosed I did think ok need to watch I don’t get depressed/ anxious. Anxiety is definitely bad for MS! Does your husband take anything like Citalopram ( when I’ve mentioned to my MS Nurse that I’m thinking of coming off Citalopram her response is along the lines of : better to keep taking it , it will subdue any anxiety, anger and resulting inflammation of the immune system).
How long ago was your husband diagnosed? It can take a while to come to terms with the diagnosis and to go through a sort of grieving process ( grieving for the loss of an imagined future and the loss of some ‘personal identity).
Personally, I’ve found that following something like ‘Overcoming MS’ was very useful. Not because I thought it provided an answer to MS so much as providing me with a feeling that there are things I could do to help myself- some sort of control and I wasn’t totally reliant on DMTs .
Finally, sometimes MS lesions do form in those parts of the brain linked to emotional control so it might be that your husband is being affected like that
I’m on “happy pills” as well - they do keep me out of dark places but feel they don’t work as well as before - I’m on venlafaxine & buspirone - just interested to hear what you find works for you - thanks
Hi I am going through the same right now with my boyfriend I have ended up having to go to the doctor for my own health as over the last two years he can’t walk at all and nobody else around to help so I get all his furstration the things he calls me is shocking he was never like this until his ms got worse and stuck in house I have nearly walked out a few times as he has to realise he can’t get away with it his family are no help at all to busy with there own lives I feel no light at the end of the tunnel and don’t want to see him left alone
He’s experiencing a form of PTSD I know as I’ve been through it and pushed away everyone who were the closest to me and ones I loved the most. For a time I didn’t trust my own opinion so my confidence went low.
Try and keep trying to get them into see a mental heath specialist My husband came in with me and explained how I was acting and then left the room so I could talk about how I was feeling as I didn’t want him to know how I was really feeling The more I opened up the better I felt. You also need to speak to someone to learn how to deal with how your feeling too They will tell you the best way to help them
I resisted at the beginning saying I was fine but my husband kept trying to In the end he explained how I was acting and the effect it was causing as I thought it’s me who was suffering, I didn’t realise the knock on effect as the diagnosis means the more help I needed from everyone else.
Just persist asking he will say yes when he’s ready.
Good luck.