Constantly angry husband

Caring for someone with MS
1

Hi,

I’m new to the forum and I need your help. My husband has MS, diagnosed 15 years ago with no progression. He is injecting every other day, seeing his neurologist once a year and doing twice a year blood tests. Other than that, we are very very lucky, coz there are no symptoms, apart from some mental fogginess and memory issues (he is 45y).

In general, he feels OK but from time to time, he has these moods which last for weeks. He feels constantly angry with me, what I do, my work, my friends, everything. Being a calm person who has difficulties showing his anger, I completely get it that he somehow has to express it.

He used to do psychotherapy for 5-6 years, then stopped, started again and he is on and off for about 7 years. The thing is that he doesn’t like any therapist. They all have something bad, one of them is slow, the other one is stupid, the other one can’t get him etc.

When I come closer to him, he pushes me away or he ignores me as if he wishes to be alone to punish himself for something. When I leave him alone, going out with my friends or going on with my work, hobbies etc. he seems to feel annoyed.

I don’t know what to do. It seems that he doesn’t like anything. He only wants to sit alone, read books, watch netflix as if i don’t exist because as he believes for me “I’m OK, I’m the normal one, I have normal friends etc,”.

I know he feels that he is losing me when I go out, when I work long hours, when I see a close friend, but on the other side, he seems to ignore me.

I really care about him and I believe he genuinely cares about me.

Is there any advice you can give me? I want to help him.

Thank you

2

I hate to suggest this, but is there a chance that he’s bi-polar?

3

Hi, an awful situation for you both, He is a relatively young man and although there are no outward symptoms of his MS…there must be loads of internal ones…mainly his self anger for being invaded by the MonSter. Have you tried to include him in your outings? It does sound like he is trying to deal with depression. A talk with your GP might help. Most fellas are stubborn about feelings/emotions. Mine is! Boudsx

4

I have similar with my husband. It’s massively difficult to continue to have feelings when minute after minute, hourly and daily i only receive rejection. I sometimes ask if im just being stupid and hanging on to an old relationship with a completely different person. But i know he would not manage on his own, we have 3 adult children all married with 5 grandsons bwtween them, i cannot allow their lives to be controlled by his needs. Ive recently found a document published by the society about MS and personality changes, I’ve found this v useful and at least offers insight into what is possibly going on with him. It talks of organic changes in the brain and psychological changes, which are different, damage resulting from relapses It doesn’t really change anything, but helps me understand that there is v little i can do to change his behaviour or thinking, and it has nothing to do with the care i give. Is v sad after 40 years of marriage. S Saturday night and he’s in bed listening to melancholy music.

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5

Hi Busy lady. I have had PPMS for 22 years. My hubby is my main carer and I have others coming in twice a day, to ease the burden on him. We aren’t the loving couple we were 48 years ago, when we married. The last 22 years have put paid to that. MS is a barsteward alright! Bouds xxx

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6

Yes. I totally agree. It not only destroys physical and mental ability, this cruel debilitating illness destroys relationships, often not mentioned, unless you have first hand experience. Sorry if my post has offended anyone, but it’s tough for partners too.

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7

Hi, no offence I`m sure. MS, like other serious conditions, certainly tests a relationship. Love Boudsxx

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8

Can really relate. Ms changes personality and thought processes too. It’s a cruel disease

9

Totally agree, we carer’s arnt always Saint like,. I fluctuate between feeling annoyance, irritation. Angry upset and sad for what we, have, lost I feel like walking on eggshells sometines, all these feelings hard to admit to someone who has not been in my shoes. Now I feel Bad