A ditty a day

I’d like to start a thread, ‘ditties for the day’

i mean no harm to those out there, poets through and through

But silly words are all I have and hope that one or two

can join me in my silliness or poetry if that’s you

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Not really a ditty but my two favourite words to live life by are:

When in doubt, get Limp Bizkit out

It’s not where you are, it’s where you’re at (Ian Brown)

‘The boy stood on the burning deck’ - is that a diitty?

It was on the bridge at midnight

She stood there all a quiver

She gave a cough

Her leg fell off

And floated down the river! :slight_smile:

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My dear Flo,

I love you so,

Especially in your nighty.

When the moonlight flits,

Across your bits;

I need to hold on tightly.



I love to contemplate my life Whilst sitting beneath a tree If the ground appears wet It cos I’ve had a week

A wee!!!

The smile of the walrus is wild and distraught

And tinged with pale purples and greens

Like the smile of a thinker who thinks a great thought

But isn’t quite sure what it means.

That was written by an American poet called Oliver Herford. I think of it whenever I see Dick Strawbridge on television.

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There was a young lady from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

Now a week later, her t*ts are in flower

And her bum is all covered in weeds!

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think i know her


Or a week bladder?

She’s called Poppy for a good reason.

The elephant is a bonny bird

It flits from bough to bough

It makes it’s nest in a rhubarb tree

And whistles like a cow

I thank you!



More! More!


The boy stood on the burning deck

Picking his nose like mad

Rolling it into little balls

And flicking them at his dad

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One fine day

In the middle of the night

Two dead men got up to fight

Back to back

They faced each other

Drew their guns

And stabbed each other!



My O’level in English Literature was ungraded…

I prefer the work of Wendy Cope (rather than DJ bloomin Enright

Her insight into language tickles what passes for my brain, I saw this on the underground and was hooked immediately.


I am a poet.
I am very fond of bananas.

I am bananas.
I am very fond of a poet.

I am a poet of bananas.
I am very fond.

A fond poet of ‘I am, I am’-
Very bananas.

Fond of ‘Am I bananas?
Am I?’-a very poet.

Bananas of a poet!
Am I fond? Am I very?

Poet bananas! I am.
I am fond of a ‘very.’

I am of very fond bananas.
Am I a poet?

Webdy Cope

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Mary had a little watch

She swallowed it one day

And now she’s taking laxatives

To pass the time away.

But as the days turned into weeks

The watch refused to pass

So if you need to know the time

You’ll have to look up Mary’s a**


The boy stood on the burning deck.

And thought it all a bit funny

The flame crept up his trousers

And set fire to his money

‘Oh blast’, he yelled, 'Oh dear what now

I have to pay a debt

But the fire has taken all my dosh’

So he tried not to fret

He jumped into the cool, dark sea

And put the firey pants out

What a day for a swim, he thought

With a shall of small sea trout

He looked around to hear a shout

‘Help me’ cried the bookie

Who was too, knee deep in flames

‘I’m feeling a bit crooky’

The boy launched out of the cool, blue sea

And shook to put out the fire

‘Thank you’, said the bookie, 'I am grateful,

If it’s a job you want, you’re hired’

So no more debt and a fresh new job

Bought him a brand new boat

He set off to sea, facing the wind

With a nice fire-retardant coat

on the ning nong nang

where the mice go clang

and the monkeys all go boo!

there’s a nong nang ning

where the trees go ping

and the teapots jibber jabber joo.

on the nang ning nong

the cows go bong

and you can’t catch them when they do.

so its ning nang nong cows go bong

nong nang ning trees go ping

ning nong nang mice go clang

what a noisy place to belong is the ning nang ning nang nong.

spike milligan

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