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What's the story

There’s no doubt everyone will agree MS is ruthless, I have had this Damn desease for 10 years. I used to be good for a laugh never really outgoing but would still be social, but because of the progression of the decease I now struggle with minor things anyway enough for the rant now to the reason for the post. I still consider myself a reasonably good looking guy, but I feel as though my wife is not really there for me anymore does anyone else get wildly stupid insecurities

Hi Stillme - yeah I get those insecurities all the time. My husband is amazing he really is but my main worry is that I don’t want to make him depressed by my increasing health issues so I try to hide how rough I feel most of the time. I feel the same way about friends - the last time I saw one of my closest friends I found myself apologising over and over for being a misery guts! She told me not to worry about it - but I haven’t heard from her since lol!!

MS really is a ruthless *¥#@^.

It really does nothing good for your confidence. I used to consider myself a reasonably attractive creature, but for several years couldn’t see past the disability. Just lately I’ve found that I’m gaining in some confidence about my looks and (more importantly perhaps), personality.

It’s impossible to know what your wife really thinks unless you actually ask her. This is something many men don’t actually consider. (Not to be wildly generalising!) When (if) you do sit down with your wife and talk openly and honestly about your relationship, you also have to believe what she’s saying. That is flipping difficult when you know what MS has robbed you of and can’t really understand why anyone would want to be married to someone with your specific problems. And perhaps more importantly, an uncertain / unknown future.

I know that my husband still loves me. I also know that our physical relationship is changed forever. But that isn’t the reason he loves me. We still care about and for each other. We still enjoy each other’s company. We also know that it’s a pretty unconditional love. In spite of my frequent ranting about my physical problems and wishing things were different.

It’s entirely likely that your wife feels the same. But you’ll never know unless you open up and bare your soul.

Sue

i feel much the same as Sue, when i see myself in the mirror i wonder who that old hag is. other people say i’m looking good which i accept with a thank you but i do not believe it for a minute. my husband is a work-a-alcoholic and a party animal which makes me feel dull as well as old and ugly. fortunately he is a very upbeat person and we get by. the physical side is non existent due to my pain and the fact that he has big strong HEAVY arms and legs. he is planning his birthday bash (he turns 65 at the end of this month). he is inviting every body in his phone. it is arranged for a big pub about 2.5 miles away because the landlady is a friend and she is awesome. a band has been booked and a buffet. we enjoy each other’s company and make each other laugh a lot. last week i couldn’t tell what he was saying (mumbling) and i said that it sounded like “bony arsed shell frogs”. he wrote it down on a post it note and stuck it on my laptop. so in summary, don’t write yourself off. have the occasional evening in the pub with your wife. those occasional evening used to be several times a week, now it’s once every 2 months. my alcohol tolerance has gone way downhill and i crave my bed at 7.00pm. but it’s a beautiful world and a good life. cheers! carole x

Ohhhhh I can relate to all of this.

I actually starting thinking I was ugly. I have put on a load of weight. I cant wear nice shoes anymore so it is trousers or jeans. I used to love showing off my legs in high heels…

I cant socialise as I used to. I used to be the life and soul of a party. Always dancing…

Plife has changed a lot.

But I am not ugly. I am a changed me but not ugly. I keep telling myself that.

It is a terrible terrible disease. It changes things so much.

It is a good world. Life is good. We keep on trucking eh?

Anne