Sorry to come on & moan, I just can’t see any future where things are good, and I don’t know who to talk to, or if I should. I’m stuck in Groundhog Day, everyone is getting on with their lives around me and I’m here, stuck, I feel like I’m in a virtual prison. I’ve been looking after my son at home who has learning difficulties since Christmas, he’s now got a placement at college and he is doing well, my other child is back to school next week, we are stuck in a house we hate but because of me we can’t move, I feel like if I wasn’t there then my husband would have chance to find someone that’s going to help the family do what they want not hinder them, we live with my MiL and she is a nightmare, thinks I should just accept life as it is and not have dreams or ambitions. I feel physically & emotionally trapped, I don’t want to be me anymore, my family are really good and will help at the drop of a hat but for some reason I hate that, it feels like if I was not here no one would notice I had gone everything would be the same so why am I here. I am exhausted at being the positive one, I always try to see the bright side and have become an amazing actor when it comes to letting people see what I want them to rather than what is actually going on in my head.
Hiya
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. Please speak to some one to talk through your feelings. The MS helpline is free on 0808 800 8000.
You may feel like you’re the only one who has ever felt this way and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but take it from me. It’s just a long tunnel and a dim light but, as you travel along it, it gets brighter and eventually you’ll come back out into the sunshine. Talking to someone that doesn’t know you can really help as you can say whatever you like without worrying what they’ll think or how what you say may make them feel about you.
Please take care and don’t do anything rash. Your family love you and need you. You just need a little help to see this clearly.
Sue xxx
Hey you, like Sue says, phone and talk to someone - there’s a lot of us that have been in the same boat.
I sometimes feel that feeling creeping up on me but I just try to imagaine what it’d be like if the boot was on the other foot (i.e. it was my husband, brother, sister, Mum or friend with MS) and I know there’s no way I’d want the to feel like this. I mean you wouldn’t wsh the tough parts on your worst enemy!
Your husband and sons love you and would do anything they could to make you feel better. When I feel like a burden and imagine it would be easier for them without me, my step-daughter will always text me or moan about her Mum (amazing timing!) and make me realise that my family need me or my husband will tell me to stop being so f%&*ing stupid - and he’s still with me, that’s the bit that counts 
Take care and yes, don’t do anything rash.
Sonia x
Do you think maybe a respite holiday or just an away day would help? Just something to break out of the mould for a little while and feel like YOU again for a day or however long you need? There are some excellent fact sheets available for this on this website and there are also grants available if finances are an issue. You can take a holiday either with your family or without and there are all sorts of options available to you if you just think about what you would like to do. You could even take up a new hobby and have respite once a week to, for instance, learn to paint.
I do think ringing the Helpline is a great place to start as it will help you to sort out what you think could help lift this feeling.
Take care and sending you a great big
Tracey x
Thanks, I will give the helpline a ring, I think your right, I have lost who I am at the moment. A friend phoned earlier and I plucked up the courage to be honest, we are going to have a coffee on Friday, she thinks its a bit of empty nest syndrome as well as its been a full on few months looking after my son and now I’ve got to much time to think. I really appreciate your replies.i know they love me as much as I love them, I wish I had more control over my feelings they feel like they are scattered all over the place and I’m to tired to pick them up. Thanks again x
Hello hun. Oh dear, I am so sorry you are in such a dark plce.
But your last comment is a good one. Youve found the courage to tell your friend how you really feel. And youre going to ring the help line number. Those 2 actions are very positive hun.
we used to have my mil living with us. We invited her, as she was lonely and depressed. Before she moved in, we got on well. But living with someone opens up realities, eh? At first everything was great.I had just retired from work and we did lots of things together and had tears and laughter too.
But as my condition worsened and I got equipment and help from various agencies, she was jealous and actually said Why are you getting all this and I get nothing? We got her a stairlift put in to take her up to her own suite of rooms, which she hardly ever used and I went to bed before her at night. Hubby used to say he was about to watch a tv programme which she wouldnt like. So she went upstairs then. And he enjoyed a few hours of peace to himself.
One day I saw her walking up the stairs and I said Hey, why arent you using the stairlift? She said it was slow and she could go quicker herself!!! Imagine, eh? Other things happened and it was a while before my hubby saw for himself how nasty she could be to me, behind his back.
She moved into her own flat not long after and lived for a further 7 years, by herself and having a great time!
Back to you now…talking about how your family would benefit if you weren`t there, is not true. They do love you and want you with them very much. That is obvious from what you say about them.
I think you would benefit from seeing your GP about how you really feel. Try to stop putting yourself down. Your self esteem needs a boost. Perhaps seeing your friend on Friday will be a start towards that.
luv Pollx