life feels worthless atm...

Everyday living
1

Just think i need to get this all out in writing as finding it hard to talk about it but right now im feeling the worst ive every left about life…i honesty have been having feelings like whats the point in livin anymore…it all seems worthless and i just cnt see it getting better.

i was diagnoised in april. thought i was dealing with it well…probably to well so maby its all hitting my now. Since been diagonised me and my bf of 6 years brought a house…now i regret this sooooo much as we are not getting on…hes not coping with my ms very well…hes constantly worrying that im getting worse and the fact i cant do much to help at home/cnt drive/walk very far doesnt help but i thought he was ok with this…but now he lovesss to throw this back in my face. im finding it really hard to cope so have moved back into my mums as just need time away from him. Ive realised that he is a very difficult person to live with and i think this on top of having to deal with my ms is not helping…i just dont no what to do and feel like if i wasnt here he wudnt care and would be a weight off his shoulders as then hes rid of his gf with ms and the burden i bring on his life. Im just sooo sooo sad atm and it doesnt help that 3 of my friends have got engaged recently and are all happy planning weddings…i just feel angry that they have so much happiness and i have none right now and really cnt see me having ne netime soon…

Ive got an appoit to talk to a conseller next week so maby this will help. How have others coped after diagonisive and what it brings?? Just need someone to chat to as friends just dont get it.

XX

2

Hi rosex I understand that you are finding things so difficult right now and in time things will get better, you have to stay positive. Its so sad to read that you feel worthless and that your having a tough time, I do really feel you have taken the right steps to speak with a councillor as they will be able to give you the right advice. I would also speak to your GP about the way your feeling as they will also give you the support you need. Hopefully in time you and your boyfriend will sit down and discuss the next steps in your future. I have only just been diagnosed and it is a big adjustment not only for me but for my partner and son. We take each day as it comes and we try and be open and honest with each other as much as we can. Some days are tougher than others but we manage. Take care. Polly x

3

Rose, I was also initially diagnosed in April… one GP was so on the ball, he told me that it’d probably hit hardest when I’d finished jumping thru all the hoops (i.e. completed all the mountains of paperwork!) and last week was probably the hardest yet and the doctors word have run thru my head.

Keep your chin up sweetie, I asked my husband again last week if he wanted to leave… I think MS is hard enough for us to accept that we probably do make certain assumptions about how some of those closest to us are feeling, regardless of what they say/do.

I’m beginning to realise it’s one of the phases we go thru. At my worst, I hate me and my badly behaving body and can’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to run! But as he points out, he’s not always angry with me as I assume, he’s just really angry with the situation.

It probably doesn’t help much but I didn’t think I could feel worse but last week was a shocker so I wanted to send you some support, I’m guessng we weren’t the first or we’ll be the last that goes through this either.

Try to keep your chin up, we’ve got this far and there’s no doubt gonna be tough times ahead but will it always be bad? Probably not! We can certainly try to make the best of it anyway.

Take care and feel free to message me if you need to offload

Sonia xx

4

So sorry you’re having such a tough time with everything. Try to stay positive. I know it’s hard. Just a thought but have you considered counselling with your partner? I believe Relate are really good and can hopefully help you both see the best way forward. Take care. xx

5

Rosex All I can offer is a big virtual hug. Life is not fair, we can scream and shout and be as angry as we please- or shut ourselves off - But regardless of how we cope it is what it is. There will be ups and downs. I don’t know how my other half copes with me lately. I can’t do a thing in the house. If I make it to work it’s a good day. If I can’t get out of bed its a bad day. If its a good day and I make it to work I’m literally not fit to make a cup of tea after getting home. I can’t cope when he comes near me for a kiss or cuddle. My skin is so sensitive that a rub feels like razor blades. Can’t imagine ever doing more again…I don’t know why he hasn’t left me. It will get better- it has to!! Stay strong. Find someone to talk to. There is more to life than MS. There will be better days. (I am in a bad place now so I have to believe this myself) Love Lilly xxx

6

Hi Rose

The thing I always encourage people to do is read up about stages of grief - things like denial, bargaining (“why me?!”), depression, anger etc. Being diagnosed is a bit like a bereavment, with your old life being what’s died. And we need to grieve that, so it’s normal and natural to go through some or all of those classis stages. And it won’t just be you but your bf too,

The thing to remember with each stage is that it is just a stage - it doesn’t need to last forever, and what you’re feelng now will pass in time. Talking about stuff will help, and no doubt a counsellor will help you to process stuff. And the last stage of grief is acceptance, when you can start to rebuild your life and move forward.

Dan

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thanks for you responses… woke up today hoping to feel better but i really dont. I really feel like my relationship is over…things r just not the same anymore and my bf doesnt even kiss or hug me if he can see im upset…like yesterday i was crying and he didnt even think to comfort me…he just said i was childish and to grow up! im so sad and really feel like i cnt cope.

i hate my life so much and wish it wasnt like this.

im self employed and work from home but cnt face or b bothered to work.

life just seems to hard atm…i hate ms so much for fucking up my life so much! :frowning:

x

8

Oh sweetie, I’m also self-employed, it just means I do everything by auto-pilot. I HAVE to keep going, otherwise it’ll all go for a s***! Like I said, my husband sees things differently to me, maybe your other half is just trying to cope too so don’t give up just yet!!!

Message me if you want to talk, I’ve got a funny feeling this might be just about the time it takes to reallty hit home. I had to pull it together this weekend as we went to visit his daughter at Uni, it was my first use of a wheelchair too so it was a double kick but the long and the short of it was that he thought of this first and never for a moment suggested he go on his own so after a shocking bad couple of weeks I feel like I’m starting to see a glimmer at the other end. No, maybe it won’t get that much easier but maybe I can adjust?

I hope that makes sense and I have to go as I’m at work!!!

Sonia xx

9

Hello luvvie. Its not you who needs to grow up.....its that wimp of a bf…or should that be ex bf?

Yes, you feel rubbish right now, because of the way a wrong `un is treating you.

He obviously cannot cope with your MS and it sounds like he doesnt even want to try.

Let him go…let the house go…you will and I promise you this…get to a better stage, in your life, where you can cope with your condition…it is really only a very short time since you got diagnosed. It can take months, or even years, for this to happen.

I have spent eons in limbo and only have a half diagnosis now. There are many still in limbo and they wonder where the chuff their life is going.

Please dont take this the wrong way, but you do know what you are dealing with, having already had a diagnosis. I know it has it`s unpredictable-ness, but there are dmds and other meds, which may help you.

Asyou have moved back in with your mum, she must be supportive and that`s what you need right now,

Working from home does mean you can fit it in when you feel strong enought to. Dont leave it too long, otherwise you`ll get behind and that will affect your income.

Please try to find some strength to come through this awful awful time. You are a valuable person.it is him who is rubbish and a waste of good skin.

He will find he has made a mistake in letting you go, but you know the best way to get revenge is to be happy. Do not let him see you in distress…be strong…be powerful…you can do it , you just have to believe in yourself.

much luv Pollyxx

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You’ve been given a lot of excellent advice Rose. All I can say is, you deserve a better man than the one you have at the moment. That’s not helpful I know because you love him. My daughters 36 and just came out of a relationship earlier on in the year. He really messed her about but she still wanted him back…its over now thank god. She said she’d never get over it. I knew she would…she did!! She is so much stonger for it. You’ll find the strength in yourself to deal with this. It sounds like you have a very supportive mum. One day at a time Rose. All the best to you, Noreen