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Don’t need a reply just need to get it off my chest :(

Everyday living
#1

Hi all… I hope you are all doing well,well as well as we all can. Like my title states I’m not after sympathy or replies, I just need to talk and get it all off my chest as I struggle to talk to anyone… :frowning:

i was diagnosed back in September 2017, at the time married with a 12 year old. Now my marriage in all honesty wasn’t good at all but as I’m sure we all do I stayed and never havd the guts to leave even though I wanted to for many many years! I know some of you maybe thinking I’m a fool for staying in a bad marriage but I think I did it for my daughter! Anyway I got diagnosed and it hit me hard and my hubby just Made jokes!!!(even though he states he was joking) but to me it hurt!! Anyway a man I know showed me what a proper man was really like, listeners to me, was concerned, always asked if I was ok, and he listened! And I opened up to him ( I have never ever opened up to anyone) but I did to him, and I had a whole new outlook on life, realised I needed to do what was best for me and left him!!! Terrible terrible times, he cried promised the world but I felt it was too late!! Anyway to the present day he has changed BUT… I seem to have lost all feelings inside of me!! I feel dead inside I really do I don’t seem to care about anything!!! All I do is go to work come home look after my daughter and repeat day in day out!!! I have nothing left to give! And I don’t know what to do, I don’t sleep, hardly eat, and worst of all I seem to forget or refuse to accept that I have MS!!!

I just don’t know what to do with my life! Like I said earlier I don’t expect anyone to reply, but even though everyone knows I have MS no one cares! No one asks how I am, my bosses just seem to give me more and more work which I struggle with but just try and plod on!!

As for my hubby, we talk, and he keeps saying he loves me but for me, nothing!!! There is nothing there!! I feel nothing!!

Apologies for the long post… but like I said it’s easy just to type it on here… you all have MS, some of you may even feel the same?? I don’t know it’s probably just me :frowning:

thanks for reading xx

#2

Hi, I am sorry that you are feeling so down. Have you thought about some counselling? Your diagnosis is so recent and it takes a long time to take everything on board. Do you have a MS nurse that you could chat to or an understanding GP? Would an antidepressant help? The MS Society have a help line that gives emotional support and information, you will find their telephone no on this website. I am sure you will find support on this forum as people are so friendly and a mine of useful information. Take care, Sue.

#3

Sieboo22, I appreciate that you didn’t expect/need any responses and I obviously can’t comment on the personal part of your post but you really must look after yourself by eating (little and often if necessary), sleeping (the pharmacy will help if necessary). Speak to your HR dept about the unacceptable workload and I suspect that folk don’t ask how you’re coping as you are displaying an aura of “I’m fine”. Like all of us, you’re not fine but living with a sh**ty condition as best you can and hoping that it will just go away.

Think of yourself and all your family, food and as much sleep as you can get.

You’re going through a really bad time and I offer you my warmest thoughts.

Tippy x

#4

Hi there, I think you need to separate how you feel about your MS from how you feel about your marriage. You are obviously depressed and, from what you’ve said, deeply unhappy with your marriage. It is commonly thought that depression is the result of repressed or unexpressed anger and it seems to me that you have a lot of pent-up anger you can’t let go. As Sue says, this is something you need to talk through. Speak to your GP about a talking therapy and don’t get fobbed off with antidepressants. You know what the problems are, you just need some help expressing them to find the solutions. You know what a release that can be from the man, the mentioned, who did listen to you. You also need to consider what is best for your daughter. Please use this Forum as a sounding board for anything you like while you are sorting this out. Best wishes, Anthony

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#5

i am in a very similar position to you.I feel trapped in a bad relationship of 20yrs and want to get out but each time i mention it to my partner he gets all pathetic and says that he is nothing without me so here i am stuck and its awful,i even told him i do not love him and its not fair on either of us but he just will not listen and never had i even told him i should have parted from him years ago and i do not have the mental strength to do it now and he knows it too and takes advantage of it,he is a very weak man and i hate him for it too.It is an awful situation to be in for anyone.

#6

My wife threw me out in 2015 when I got back from the trauma clinic she had sent me to, so I moved in with my parents where I’ve been since. I haven’t seen my daughter since 2015, and neither she nor my wife will answer my calls.

#7

so did i read it right you left your husband i assume went back? If that is the case it rarely works sadly. Once you make the decision to leave then keep moving forward.

I did that left my husband years ago he was a bully, anyway long story short like i fool i went back biggest mistake i made. He promised me the moon and the sun and delivered pain.

Your husband sounds to me as though he is trying to change but you owe it to him if your not happy to go.

I think your depressed and in the stages of grief for your diagnosis. Your head is all over the place.

You need counselling.

You say no one cares, no one asks how you are, perhaps they are not saying anything as they dont know what to say. We are weird us humans, some people get upset when people ask us how we are, and others the opposite. It doesnt matter does it, they are treating you NORMALLY.

You are giving off mixed signals i think to your workmates and boss, you say:

don’t sleep, hardly eat, and worst of all I seem to forget or refuse to accept that I have MS!!!

So I expect you are acting normally and they believe you are coping well.

I would make an appointment to speak to your boss. Be honest and tell him/her you are struggling with your diagnosis and not sure what to do about it. Perhaps ask to have less hours for a few weeks. Or if you can take a holiday.

I think you need some YOU time. Having MS is a bummer yes, but with the right things in place, eating well, being in a good place and listening to your body you can have a pretty normalish life.

You are in denial and sadness and depression which are parts of the grieving process.

Please talk to your doctor and get counselling. I pay 30.00 for an hour with my councsellor after my husband died, it was the best money i have spent.

Its time you took back control of your life.

Good luck. xxxxxxxx

#8

Everone’s right. You must think of yourself and what you want.

Work needs negotiation but don’t put a brave face on it. Listen to your body.

This is a tough emotional journet as well and this is where the forums help.

Best wishes