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Ms now a marriage break down!

Well hubby has gone to stay at his parents tonight indefinately. Feel totally numb and wish MS had never found me!

How awful, dreadful and upsetting for you N.  It would have happened to me if my ex hadnt left me first then I took him back, then when he needed me I left him finally, because he thought nothing of me, only wanted a mother and he already had one of those..

 

My mother used to say: would he stay with you if you were ill and my answer: NO.

 

Sometimes people cannot cope with illness.  But hang on isnt a partnership based on love through thick and thin regardless.

 

I hate to sound so hard but if it isnt working because of ms, surely you need to look to the future and find someone who can cope regardless.  A relationship based upon such a perfect life just isnt normal and strong couples work through things regardless.

 

I send you love, care & support through this terrible time.  All your ifs, whats and whys will need answering, however in the meantime use your energies towards trying to stay as level as you can, then know you are worth loving for you and not what you once were, because youve changed as should such relationship.  If it cannot change then it has to be looked at for what it is.

 

I do hope you dont think this too hard - it isnt, just looking at your situation and seeing what it is.  You will in time.

 

bren

x

Thanks for your message Bren. No it was not harsh, what you say is true. I know my husband is not good with illness but we’ve been through so many tough times in the past that are not MS related - I always thought we were a strong couple. But being diagnosed with MS is the straw that broke us really and I hate MS so much for everything, but especially that!
I know that if he truly loved me MS wouldn’t separate us but I genuinely think he’s burnt out, I am burnt out and life just feels like one long battle ahead. I have been in a bit of depression since finding out - the classic stages of grieving that drs go on about. Now that I seem ready to accept it finally, he’s now in an all time low.

He says he’s confused about how he feels about me. Is that because he can’t bear to have to live with someone who is ill?

I saw what devastating effect my dads stroke has had on my parents - I need someone who I can rely on to love me because of me and not out of a sense of duty.

I just want to know when life just stops giving me a hard time! I have two boys to stay strong for but all I really want to do is run away right now!

Sorry for the self pity, I usually try be to a cup half full kind of person but not at the moment!

Aww hunni I don't really know what to say to you (well I do know some stuff but the swear filter would kick in!)

Just wanted to say hang in there and you will always get support from here

xxx

((hugs))

Absolutely shattered this morning as didn’t sleep all night! Feeling pretty rubbish this morning and very low.

I am really sorry that this trouble has come to your door.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

Alison

x

If you think its worth saving the marriage,then try to communicate, you could ask for counselling as a couple,that may help you,

 

its all too common, the problems that arise because of the ms, when i am ill and in bed for months at a time with a relapse, my relationship goes to pot, my other half cant cope with me being in bed for so long, and he does anything for attention,and just when i can do without more stress he piles it on every time,but the thing is, when i start to recover, i look at him in a different way,and dont have much affection for him much,its made me hard,i feel that we will split up in the near future,i have sort of prepared myself for it,but i know i will be ok,because i have been through a lot worse, over the years.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

 

Well today has been my first day on this new road I have found myself on and it’s been one hell of a day! I feel like I am on a roller coaster - one minute I am angry, next crying, then thinking 'yes I know I can do this" to “omg how did I end up in this position!” My kids have been pretty upset especially my 7 yr of who only just started a new school this week so I am really worried about him and my other son.

feeling drained! Thank you for your replies it’s giving me some comfort to know people care x

Sending hugs and I really hope you can sort this difficult situation out, my ex was an alcoholic and when I was dx with ms he hated any attention I got even down to hating me attending hospital appointments etc, bizarre really. I finally plucked up the courage to leave him, it was very hard at first then out of the blue I met Mark, we have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. There is definitely life after dx, I thought I would just share this with you to perhaps give you some hope. Take care. Karen

You poor thing! The feelings you are having are all normal for someone in your position (I went on the divorce rollercoaster 8 years ago & started on the MS one 6 months ago). You will have good days and bad days, days when you want him back and days when you could quite happily throttle him.

My advice would be to try and stay civil with him for the sake of the kids, avoid putting them in the middle of things or slagging him off in front of them - but when they are out of earshot rant, rave or cry to a friend or relative. Make sure you look after yourself, remember your meds, try to eat and sleep and have some time for yourself.

Hang in there, things will get better.

Gill x

One day done. Tomorrow is another, and you’ll do that too - I hope it will be just a little bit easier

Alison

x.

so sad to hear you are going through this i cant say anything that will truely help you x but there are lots of people like me here that do care and please dont feel alone xx moo

Been thinking of you today. Hope you're ok.

Gill x

Day two has been a bit better. Not really cried much today. After he left last night after seeing the kids I got myself I to a right state and ended up vomiting. Think I got it out of my system as felt much better today. All your messages are really helping, I don’t feel so alone now.

Good for you. It’s bound to be a bit up and down for you, with all the shock and upset. Sleep well.

Alison

x

Can’t seem to stop crying today :frowning:

Aww hunni it will get easier in time. Just keep in contact you know everyone is here for you xxx

You will find strength from those who you trust and love. Friends, family and this team are behind you along with your own power. You, yourself, will find ways to live with your M.S and then you will learn to love yourself again. You deserve that love.
Sandypops

thinking of you and so hope today will be a better day for you xx love and hugs x moo