Forum

My life's a mess

Hi I haven’t posted on here before but thought I’d give it a go because I’m feeling so lonely and desperate. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life, I have MS and was diagnosed in 2009 I experience a lot of pain through my body and have had many relapses. It all started in February this year when my partner of 20 years announced to me out of the blue that he was leaving me because of the MS, he said “you have the illness not me, it’s you that has to cope with it I can just walk away” and that’s what he’s done. Less than a month after leaving me he went on holiday with another woman and now he’s in a relationship with her. It’s all very bitter he doesn’t speak to me only through solicitors and he’s excluded everything to do with me from his life. 3 months ago I was made redundant from a job I’d been in for 25 years and then quickly found another job but found I was unable to do it both physically and mentally. This caused me to sink deeper and deeper into the depression I’ve been suffering. 5 weeks ago I’d been working at the new job and had had a terrible terrible day, got home to find a letter from his solicitor making a 50% claim on my house, I just cracked and felt only way out of all the pain was to end it all, to cut a long story short I was stopped and I just fell apart and broke down and was hospitalised. In the mean time after releasing me from hospital my mother who lived with us was found collapsed on the floor, was rushed to hospital and is lucky to be alive as shed had a clot on her lung. Sorry to go on but this is just the half of it and it’s still ongoing and just don’t know what to do or when it’s going to end. Worse thing is I still love and miss my ex so much even after everything.

Oh Wynn, I feel your pain, my ex husband couldn’tcope with my MS but it was me that ended it I’d had enough of his going off and leaving me to cope alone with two young children. He twisted it and manipulated the situation so that people took his side!! It was a messy divorce and at times nasty and bitter. So much so I started drinking to numb the pain of the breakup on top of my MS problems and I too at times just felt like ending it all. I still have a drink now on a night but in moderation, nothing like I used to. But thankfully 10 years down the line he’s realised it was him and not me, and we actually do get on now or rather I tollerate him for the sake of the kids. I had to put my life into prospective and think about all the positives opposed to the negatives I’m sure you could do the same, I even got help from my GP who was brilliant. So sorry to hear about your mum too that can’t be helping the situation. Have you got anyone you can talk to?? I would also suggest you get some legal advice with regards to the house. PM me if you’d rather discuss privately Thinking of you Sue xxx

Hi,

I dont usually comment but my story is not that different to yours.

My wife left me shortly after I was diagnosed after 25 years together in 2010 and moved on to a new partner straightaway. I had to give up work and we had to sell the house.

What I did find was having all the associated problems effected my health but I was glad to have them at the same time so I could formulate a plan.

I took retirement on health grounds and struggle financially but am getting by. I have 3 sons and was determined to put what energy I had in supporting them. I have noticed when I have nothing to think about I default to my ex-wife but I am resigned to leaving with that. My MS nurse has been a great help and Tysabri has stopped my relapses for the last year.

I take comfort from a Buddhist quote I read “all suffering of mankind is produced by attachment to a previous condition of existence”, I thought break the attachment stop the suffering and it may help the body and mind start to cure itself. Thats what I try to do.

All the best to you,

Peter

Hi Wynn

My sympathy to you, because as you said your life is awful. I can’t understand what you have been going through because my husband is very supportive. All I can say is it’s very important to be positive so I agree with Peter. I would recommend the blog ms won’t win, which has a section about positivity.

All the best

Yaya

Hi Wynn

My sympathy to you, because as you said your life is awful. I can’t understand what you have been going through because my husband is very supportive. All I can say is it’s very important to be positive so I agree with Peter. I would recommend the blog ms won’t win, which has a section about positivity.

All the best

Yaya

Wynn - really sorry to hear that you’re going through this terrible time and a wee note on all our partners - some of us are lucky by having great people with us and some of us get let down, but this is down to the person that THEY are nothing to do with us…my brother-in-law’s wife ran off and it has nothing to do with illness etc, just the nature of some-ones, we can get support from who-ever we can and remember that a problem shared is a problem halved…keep talking and keep fighting…

So sorry to hear your terrible story & having your mother being ill to - its easy (ish) to say just keep going ive had many dark days & living with my partners elderly dementia ridden mother makes life very difficult indeed - I recently have felt like nothing is worth alll this misery - but another day dawns I think of my beautiful newphew & niece & carry on - It certainly can help to write/type these things down & especially when you get supportive replies from many people who genuinly care - keep typing even if its just a Hi Everyone -

thinking of you & take care

best wishes x

Oh my dear Wynn, there are a lot of problems happening all at once, so it`s no wonder you feel so distraught.

Living with a chronic illness is hard enough. Then a breakdown of a long term relationship just adds to your worries. Then even more, you lost your job and the new one isnt working out so well for you.

All this is more than enough to make anyone depressed and wondering which way to turn.

But please take a few deep breaths and think about this heel you say you still love. Honestly a man who can treat you in such an abomnible way, just isnt worthy of your or indeed, anyone`s love.

20 years is a hell of a long time to be with someone, but I wouldnt mind betting, he was cheating before he left you. If you can look at this a different way, you`ll see he did you a favour. he just wasnt worth a light love.

I think you need to try and get your health onto a more even keel, then maybe you`ll be able to tackle the other problems.

After you were hospitalised, did you see someone who could start to get you onto some meds to help?

Until you become mentally stronger, it will be nigh on impossible to think straight and begin to tackle the problems with the house.

I do feel for you and dont know if we here can help to make you stronger. We are all here for you and hope you can keep logging on for morale support.

much luv Pollx

Hi Wynn. I can’t think of anything to say that will make you feel better. You have had some very helpful replies on here. I think your first step is to try and get your help more stable as everything is magnified when you are feeling ill.

A trip to a solicitor is next to make sure that your husband on gets what he is entitled to. My brother-in law maintained that he was entitled to 100% of the value of their home when he split from my sister because they paid cash for the house when he got a lump sum on retiring from the army. Her solicitor was great and fought her corner on the grounds that her contribution to the family by staying at home and looking after the children was of equal value and ruled that the split should be 50 50.

I hope your mum is on the mend. Please try to take any help and support you are offered from friends and family. It won’t take all your problems away but might make them easier to deal with

Mary

hello x

i feel so sad hearing about how things have been for you x big hug x

your not alone here and looking at the replies you you have support x

im in a desparate marriage at the mo myself sadly so cant really help but im here for you .

bfn love caz

Hi again.

So, Wyn, how are things now?

Hope you are okay.

Moo, sorry to hear about your woes too hun.

luv Pollx