im at an all time low, and i just can t seem to pick myself up, my friend that had M.S died last year and it hit me very hard, i took a long hard look at my life and re jigged work etc to make things easier, i picked up again and work from home which is going very well, i want to move as we live next to my MiL and it can be quite stressy sometimes, but hubby wont move, my son has been put on the autistic spectrum and although not a surprise I feel a bit like im mourning for his future, have now come to the realisation that my Hubby and MiL both have strong traits like my son and the sense of Life will never change has suddenly hit me as their strongest trait is No Change, on any level.
My M.s has been playing up again and ive had to cancel going to choir, a thing i love but im exhausted after as its 30 miles away and cant go to the concerts anyway as they are always in the evening and it can mean a 60-70 mile round trip.an then at the weekend someone I know decided it would be a good idea to tell me that a friend of theirs that had M.S had died and they were so upset and it had been just awful, and then went on to ask how i was doing, im usually very bubbly, i think i cope well, but now ive stripped everything back to the bare bones, i feel lost, i cant see a future,it feels like someone has nicked my armour and i have nothing to go into battle with. i can see the good things in my life but it feels like they are far away and this huge pile of nothing is stopping me get to it. hubby says im being self indulgent and poor me, i dont want to see family or friends and am practicing phone calls before i make them so i can do the ‘yeah im fine’ for at least a shot period of time, i cant stop crying.
I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low. I am not surprised that things are weighing heavy on you as you do seem to have had a lot to contend with. Have you ever thought about taking a course of antidepressants, as this could lighten your load considerably. You don’t even have to take them ‘forever’ but just to get you through this spell perhaps? I wouldn’t be surprised if it is/was the death of your friend that has threatened to break the camel’s back as it is still pretty soon for you to bounce back after she died. Please feel free to come on the forum whenever you feel the need as chances are that we all know what you are going through.
Best wishes and good luck with the antidepressants.
I’m sorry to read you are feeling like this. I can sympathise with a lot of what you say.
You have been through, and still are going through a lot. There is nothing wrong with holding up your hands and saying ‘hey I can’t cope’. It is not a sign of weakness, more that you have been strong for too long. It sounds like you perhaps don’t have much of a support network at home, and there is only so much your shoulders can take on their own. As Moira says, anti depressants might be the way forward. I don’t know if you have a good GP, but maybe book in and see them, or find one you feel you can talk to. Anti depressants don’t have to be forever, but they really can help. I know there can be a certain negative vibe around medication for depression, but this is about YOU and looking after yourself. Maybe your GP could actually refer you for some kind of counciling. Someone to talk to, a safe space just for you, can make a difference.
The fog will lift, things will get better, but there is no harm in asking for a little bit of help getting there.
I’m not sure how helpful this will be for you, but I like to read the Desiderata every now and then. Maybe have a google if you feel you can. I’m not going to start quoting passages, but it can be quite uplifting
I think that taking (as you say) long hard looks at life from time to time and re-jigging where we can to make things easier is about all we can do with MS (or with life, for that matter). But sometimes that very process brings it all home a bit and lays bare the fact that there is much that cannot be fixed, even with the best will in the world. That is not a good place to get stuck, but it can happen, and it sounds a little as though you are stuck there just now. It is distressing for a person who is usually well able to keep the show on the road and carve a good life out of troubled circumstances to reach into the locker for some extra resources to get her through and find that the cupboard is bare. Or rather that it isn’t bare exactly, but that she can’t reach any of the good and sustaining things she knows are in there somewhere and can touch only bleak emptiness.
As I am sure you know, many of us have visited the GP in this sort of fix. Very many people will have visited your GP in this sort of fix as well, and I suggest that you do the same. There really is help out there, and both medication and talking therapies can work very powerfully to help a person to find an exit from the endless roundabout of hopeless feelings.
Thank you for your replies, they are much appreciated, i think your right a trip to the dr’s is needed and see what he says. Yep your right Alison, it does bring it all home and it feels like someone has knocked you out, every time.Ive got a little scrub of land with a little caravan on it, im trying to make that into my garden (itll be very rustic!) so i can have a place to go and be me, im hoping that will help to.Thankyou Traitsy ill have a look at that , thank you Moira,
It`s no wonder you are struggling to move forward when you hear of folk dying, who had MS.
But it is a rare from of the desease, plus other illnesses on top, which take folk well before their time. People rarely die due to MS alone. i know several people who reached into their 80s, with MS.
About your love of the choir…isn`t there another nearer your home, which you could join? Have a google and see what you can find out, eh?
We are stripped of doing some of our favourite things when our mobility/endurance is challenged.
I am saddened to hear how your hubby and mil stick together and dont give you the support you need. I think you need, somehow, to make your hubby understand just how much this upsets you.
You say you are normally a bubbly type of person. Thats me too and I am just coming out of a bad, low period. I hate myself when I cant find my way out of a gloomy phase.
I hope your GP can help you with this.
Keep talking to us as we do understand, only too well.