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I wish things were differejnt

I’m so sorry to post and for it to be anon :frowning: but I need to get this out.
I wonder how many of you are like me? I so want to come to terms with this but I can’t.
I have had ms for 8 years. Been diagnosed for almost 6 and been in a wheelchair ( legs won’t move ) for over 3.
I don’t want antidepressants because the problem will still be there when I come off them. They solve nothing.
I really really wish ms was terminal for me because I want an end. My OH knows what I want but I have 2 children (14 & 18) who it would be hard to leave now. Dignitas calls if I can afford it when my youngest is 18.
But there isn’t a night when I don’t pray I’ll die in my sleep and not a morning when I don’t cry because I’m not dead.

I’m not looking for sympathy etc but would like to feel there are others like me. Please.

Hi, sorry you feel so low, i too feel like you at times, that i dont want to carry on,but i usually come out of it after a while, what keeps me going is my 2 grown up kids, 1 at 18 ,1 at 33, because they will always need and want there mum to be around, like your 2 will too,

 

so when i get this low i keep that in mind, i know you say you dont want anti depressants, but if i  were you i would give them a try, no they wont make your MS go away, BUT what they will do, is lift your mood, so you can cope better, i have taken them for years, and i dont really like taking tablets, but i do feel better on them, than off,and they help me sleep too, which is good, please have a word with your dr or ms nurse if you have one, counselling can be a help too,you can talk about things that upset you,without having to hurt your loved ones.

 

jaki  xx

The positive correlation between subjectively-felt misery and objectively-views miserable circumstances isn't always that high, it seems to me.  I'm sure you know cheerful souls in a terrible physical state, and miserable ones who are hale and hearty, and I do too. The point I'm trying to make is that the bloody-awfulness of physical infirmity does not necessarily equal everlasting, gut-wrenching, wanting-it-all-to-be-over misery.   It sounds as though you feel completely at the mercy of the havoc wreaked by your MS and that a good quality of life is simply impossible in your circumstances.  No wonder you feel so low.  Of course, you are quite right - anti-depressants wont' make your problems go away.  But please, please allow yourself to contemplate the hope, however faint, that they might give you a bit of mental breathing space to see your life from a new angle, and that this might give you a glimmer of hope.   

Please let me suggest that it is not always as black and white as it looks now.  I have a history of depression. When I'm not depressed, I can cope with most things.  When I'm depressed, I can cope with nothing. Zilch.   It's a terrible place to be, feeling - KNOWING - that change is not possible, and that no help is on the way, or ever will be.   Please, please give yourself a break here.  Even if you don't think they'll work, why not give anti-depressants a try.  What have you got to lose?  They've been a blessing for me, more than once.

I'm sorry - I can't reassure you by saying I feel the same way, but I've had enough of  a whiff of that cold, dark, place to feel deeply for you.  I so hope that you find your way through to better times.

Alison

Dear Anon,

                    I am so sorry to read that you are feeling so down in your situation. I have had MS for 25 years when I had to give up school because of it. I have suffered greatly with depression and this is certainly the emotion that I pick up as I read your posting. It took me years & years etc to seek help, but then it occured to me that I had no way of knowing how long I would be left treading water, and something had to be done. So I did have to grasp the nettle and ask for anti depressants. True enough, a.d.s would not alter any situation, but one thing that they can certainly do is create a sort of a blocking system that prevents us from taking on negative thoughts, and once these little "*&^%*! are kept clear of our grey matter, then this seems to take 50% of the battle away.

Don't forget too that you are not superman/wonderwoman and in very trying circumstances you should do all that you can to alleviate your situation.

                Take care and good luck,

                                             Moira

Hi

Yes I feel exactly the same and my family also know how I feel right down to the Dignitas opt out. 

The last time I was in hospital when I woke up from the anesthetic I cried because I was hoping not to ever wake up again.  I'm not depressed its simply that I really don't like my life anymore as MS has stripped me of the life I had and the hopes I had for the future. 

So yes there are others who feel like you.  However I still live in hope that aa cure will be found even though it is too late to help me it might help my children - you see I come from a long line of MSers - sure its not inherited but it familial and we are obviously very familiar in my family.

Love, Mary

Well, I`ve read your post and the replies you`ve had. Those replies are from people who haven`t coped too well with the miseries/frustrations/unbelievable difficulties MS brings.

 

I`ve had PPMS for 14 years now and have gone from leading a full, active life, bringing up a family and holding down very demanding jobs.

 

Now I am wheelie bound, and need a carer to wipe my bum for me...something I never thought would happen to me, or at least if it did, I`d want out too.

 

But looking at it from this side, now it has and still is happening, I accept my MS causes me to be very dependent on others.

 

I miss driving, walking, dancing, all sorts of other things....I miss having an intimate life with my husband....the nearest we get get to a bit of `how`s your father` is when he changes my pants for me......I say to him, `Go on, yank `em down like you did when I was 18!` he doesn`t seem as keen anymore!

 

Sorry to be flippant there, love, but all these things happen on a daily (and nightly) basis.

 

Yes, life is totally horrid at times, but even so, I don`t want to leave my children, grandchildren, husband, sisters and buddies here.

 

I reckon you could do with a talk to your GP.....I know you don`t want anti-depressants...but they justmight help, as they have others.

 

If you asked your family if they want you out of their lives for good....I bet I can guess their answer, eh? it would be a BIG FAT, NO!!!!!`

Don`t give up love. Please.

 

luv Pollx