I’m so sorry to post and for it to be anon 
but I need to get this out. I wonder how many of you are like me? I so want to come to terms with this but I can’t. I have had ms for 8 years. Been diagnosed for almost 6 and been in a wheelchair ( legs won’t move ) for over 3. I don’t want antidepressants because the problem will still be there when I come off them. They solve nothing. I really really wish ms was terminal for me because I want an end. My OH knows what I want but I have 2 children (14 & 18) who it would be hard to leave now. Dignitas calls if I can afford it when my youngest is 18. But there isn’t a night when I don’t pray I’ll die in my sleep and not a morning when I don’t cry because I’m not dead. I’m not looking for sympathy etc but would like to feel there are others like me. Please.
Hi, sorry you feel so low, i too feel like you at times, that i dont want to carry on,but i usually come out of it after a while, what keeps me going is my 2 grown up kids, 1 at 18 ,1 at 33, because they will always need and want there mum to be around, like your 2 will too,
so when i get this low i keep that in mind, i know you say you dont want anti depressants, but if i were you i would give them a try, no they wont make your MS go away, BUT what they will do, is lift your mood, so you can cope better, i have taken them for years, and i dont really like taking tablets, but i do feel better on them, than off,and they help me sleep too, which is good, please have a word with your dr or ms nurse if you have one, counselling can be a help too,you can talk about things that upset you,without having to hurt your loved ones.
jaki xx
The positive correlation between subjectively-felt misery and objectively-views miserable circumstances isn’t always that high, it seems to me. I’m sure you know cheerful souls in a terrible physical state, and miserable ones who are hale and hearty, and I do too. The point I’m trying to make is that the bloody-awfulness of physical infirmity does not necessarily equal everlasting, gut-wrenching, wanting-it-all-to-be-over misery. It sounds as though you feel completely at the mercy of the havoc wreaked by your MS and that a good quality of life is simply impossible in your circumstances. No wonder you feel so low. Of course, you are quite right - anti-depressants wont’ make your problems go away. But please, please allow yourself to contemplate the hope, however faint, that they might give you a bit of mental breathing space to see your life from a new angle, and that this might give you a glimmer of hope.
Please let me suggest that it is not always as black and white as it looks now. I have a history of depression. When I’m not depressed, I can cope with most things. When I’m depressed, I can cope with nothing. Zilch. It’s a terrible place to be, feeling - KNOWING - that change is not possible, and that no help is on the way, or ever will be. Please, please give yourself a break here. Even if you don’t think they’ll work, why not give anti-depressants a try. What have you got to lose? They’ve been a blessing for me, more than once.
I’m sorry - I can’t reassure you by saying I feel the same way, but I’ve had enough of a whiff of that cold, dark, place to feel deeply for you. I so hope that you find your way through to better times.
Alison
x
Dear Anon,
I am so sorry to read that you are feeling so down in your situation. I have had MS for 25 years when I had to give up school because of it. I have suffered greatly with depression and this is certainly the emotion that I pick up as I read your posting. It took me years & years etc to seek help, but then it occured to me that I had no way of knowing how long I would be left treading water, and something had to be done. So I did have to grasp the nettle and ask for anti depressants. True enough, a.d.s would not alter any situation, but one thing that they can certainly do is create a sort of a blocking system that prevents us from taking on negative thoughts, and once these little "&^%! are kept clear of our grey matter, then this seems to take 50% of the battle away.
Don’t forget too that you are not superman/wonderwoman and in very trying circumstances you should do all that you can to alleviate your situation.
Take care and good luck,
Moira
Hi
Yes I feel exactly the same and my family also know how I feel right down to the Dignitas opt out.
The last time I was in hospital when I woke up from the anesthetic I cried because I was hoping not to ever wake up again. I’m not depressed its simply that I really don’t like my life anymore as MS has stripped me of the life I had and the hopes I had for the future.
So yes there are others who feel like you. However I still live in hope that aa cure will be found even though it is too late to help me it might help my children - you see I come from a long line of MSers - sure its not inherited but it familial and we are obviously very familiar in my family.
Love, Mary
Well, Ive read your post and the replies youve had. Those replies are from people who haven`t coped too well with the miseries/frustrations/unbelievable difficulties MS brings.
I`ve had PPMS for 14 years now and have gone from leading a full, active life, bringing up a family and holding down very demanding jobs.
Now I am wheelie bound, and need a carer to wipe my bum for me…something I never thought would happen to me, or at least if it did, I`d want out too.
But looking at it from this side, now it has and still is happening, I accept my MS causes me to be very dependent on others.
I miss driving, walking, dancing, all sorts of other things…I miss having an intimate life with my husband…the nearest we get get to a bit of hows your fatheris when he changes my pants for me......I say to him,Go on, yank em down like you did when I was 18! he doesn`t seem as keen anymore!
Sorry to be flippant there, love, but all these things happen on a daily (and nightly) basis.
Yes, life is totally horrid at times, but even so, I don`t want to leave my children, grandchildren, husband, sisters and buddies here.
I reckon you could do with a talk to your GP…I know you don`t want anti-depressants…but they justmight help, as they have others.
If you asked your family if they want you out of their lives for good…I bet I can guess their answer, eh? it would be a BIG FAT, NO!!!`
Don`t give up love. Please.
luv Pollx