Hi,
Two days ago i lost my dog of 15 years, i am devastated as i spent almost every minute with her. The house is so quiet now aand even though she was not very active she was my source of comfort and i took care of her.
Yesterday i went to the vets to pay for her ashes and the receptionist was uncaring with a face like thunder on her. When i got home it really got to me and i rang the vets and let rip on the phone to someone i had not even met. I said all sort of horrible things that kept coming. I know im hurting but i had no filter. Today im feeling so depressed and upset and ashamed of my behaviour. If anyone has been divorced it feels the same as when your going through that horrible time of fear,loss, guilt and regret.
Even before my dog dying iv been so emotional where every little thing gets to me and this has pushed me one step too far.
Has anyone else felt out of control and behaved badly
I know its grief but why cant i think and stop myself from taking that extra step.
Thanks Christine
hi christine
i’m so sorry that your best friend has passed away.
the vet’s receptionist ought to have more empathy and it’s understandable that you let rip.
because you are a decent person you are feeling guilty.
if it would help you feel better, why not write a letter to your vet’s practise?
explain how devastated you were feeling.
with a bit of luck that receptionist will amend her ways.
will you be thinking of getting another dog?
maybe a rescue dog?
a dog whose owner has died so that you will both be going through the same thing.
this sorrow will pass
carole x
Hi I`m so sorry that you have lost your dear pet.
I am a true furry friend. Our little Sophie has been with us since Mach last year.
We had lost our Lucy after 16 years with her. It broke my heart into a million pieces.
My pets are my love, my cuddles, my confidante.
I had said I wouldnt have any more dogs after Lucy, but 3 weeks later, I was still crying night and day and feeling so empty. The house was souless without a little woofer.
I believe that vet receptionist was way out of order and needed putting right.
poll aad Sophie xxx
Hi Christine
As Carole and Poll have said, it’s completely understandable when you lose a member of your family that you are devastated and shouldn’t have to be faced with a nasty uncaring person.
Having said that, if it’s bothering you more that you had little control over your emotions and let rip in a way that seems overly emotional to you, then that could be due to emotional lability ie, having little or no control over your emotions. Which is a recognised MS symptom. To be honest, even if you are experiencing this, there doesn’t seem to be a massive amount you can do about it, but just knowing that you can have no ‘lid’ on your emotions may of itself be a help to you.
Either way, as Carole suggested, writing a letter to your vets may be a good thing to do, regardless of whether your feelings and emotions got the better of you, it wouldn’t have happened without a hatchet faced witch of a receptionist! And letting the practice know is a good thing to maybe avoid this hurtful cow doing the same to another bereaved person.
You have all my sympathy, losing your beloved pet is a dreadful thing. It has just happened to my mother, and she is lost without chatting all day long to her best friend, giving and receiving all the love the way they do.
Sue
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Hi Christine,
Sorry for you having such a crappy time. In my job which I am now retired from due to M.S I advised many families over the years who had lost family members including very young ones. They were over the years brilliant at coping but the death of a pet often set off a terrible angst and upset. We used to tell families it was cumulative loss. Over the years we cope and get on with things changing, losing what we had before, our old lives have changed not from our decision making. It is huge and vast and we are not programmed to deal with it. So perhaps this is what has made you feel like this at the moment.
As soon as we have a diagnosis or we begin be have symptoms, we have a loss of what we thought things would be like. It carries on and as someone said to me last week, it is like piling bricks into a backpag on your back. Unless you unload, the weight gets heavier.
You have made an amazing step by recognising that you upset the receptionist, it may have been that that day her life was horrid too. I have done something similar when I wasn’t well and someone I didn’t know was horrid to me, well they picked on the wrong person that day and I don’t think they’ll be horrid to anyone else. Anyway, since then I have learned to take a breath and ask or comment in a nice way, before I let my firey wrath let rip on some poor unsuspecting grumpy person. My kids are glad that the seven headed snaked monster has been put away! No longer will I jump out of bed in my little nighty and grab rowdy teenage drunks who are outside my house and pull them down to the wall by their earhole! Yes sorry, this happened. Or the time when my daughter was somewhere she shouldn’t have been and I traced the teenage articles to their house and parked my car on their lawn with the lights shining in the front window, oh yes there’s more but lets leave it there.
Try not to feel too bad. Perhaps saying sorry or some chocs may help. Perhaps go in if you really want to put it right. But most importantly, look after yourself. If your grief doesn’t go away then address it. For the first time I have recently been to counselling (I am 55). I am only going for 5 sessions but I found that anger and loss was creeping in to my daily thoughts. Not good and I couldn’t unload which I have never had a problem with before. So, I would say, unload, address how you feel, have some time to yourself as grief doesn’t just jump up and get away, it lingers. Sort out the vets (also you don’t want to have to find a new vets if you get another pet) and then when some time has passed think about if you want another pet. If not, there are still schemes where dogs and cats go on holiday to other people’s houses so it is not a lifelong committment, or think about a different pet. Whatever is right for you.
Most importantly, a day at a time, little by little. The sadness won’t be so bad before long and you are not alone.
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Thanks Carole,
I think that loss of someone close makes you evaluate everything around you and its scary. You realise that those years and that part of your life is over and wont come again.
The receptionist was cold and uncaring but my response was way over the top, i needed someone to blame and the person on the phone was just that, but its not right.
My daughter came over yesterday to bring me something to east and we went to a dog rescue centre, even though i did not get a new dog i realised that its something i could do and not feel guilty because its because of my pet that iv just lost and her affection that tells me its the right thing to do.
Thanks Christine
Thanks Poll and Sophie,
My house feels just like yours did, so empty and silent and yes souless. Even though my dog was old and not very active she was here and just her presence alone was comforting.
I understand why you got a new pet, before this happened i always thought id not get a new dog but now i know i will probably very soon.
Thanks Christine
Thanks Sue,
I think the receptionist should have been alot more caring and considerate and i should have either made a complaint or just left it alone.
I think what happened was when i got home and my grief hit a new high getting angry stopped me for a short while hurting so much. Like you have said what can we do if MS causes these emotional outbursts, i dont know if any meds can help. Im getting an appointment to see a neuro physchologist to chat about my recent ppms diagnosis, maybe they can help.
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I agree with everything you have said and maybe a starting point for me is to say sorry for how i behaved and acknowledge that its ok to feel this pain because it is a huge loss and life changing.
Yesterday the day went from bad to worse. my daughter came over and we went to a dog rescue centre and on the way back my youngest son whos 19 said he was staying the night with a girl. Theres nothing wrong with that usually but my son has aspergers and has never gone out socialising with friends and hes never stayed out before. Iv never stopped him going out hes just never wanted to until now.
So this morning the house is so very quiet and i dont recognise my life any more.
Thanks Christine
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