LoL re the anonymous posting! I was just rolling my eyes about why yet another person felt the need to go anon for a perfectly non-contentious, non-embarrassing post. Then spotted your explanation. I’m glad you hadn’t opted for a veil of anonymity after all.
Well, I’m struggling a bit today.
I went for a really long organised walk yesterday - far longer than advertised, as there were a number of unplanned diversions, including one due to a bull in a field, and another because the footpath was too overgrown to negotiate.
I climbed over a load of stiles, with some trepidation, but no mishaps, so should be feeling really pleased and happy today. Instead, I just feel stiff from all the walking, and clambering over things, which my muscles really don’t want to do any more. And now it’s rainy, I’ve realised just how bored I am.
There are lots of things I could/should be doing - like housework, trying to equip myself for a new job, etc. etc. Yet none I really WANT to do. I’m supposed to be doing a couple of correspondence courses in proofreading and editing, because I had some sort of vague notion I might someday be able to do it freelance, from home. But I’ve barely started one of them, and the other not at all. Already, I’m getting e-mails from the course administrators, wondering if I’m stuck, because I haven’t submitted any work yet. But still I don’t get on and do it, even though I’m moaning I’m bored.
I think doing it as a job is a pipe dream, as I don’t seem very interested. I got on loads better with the short OU module, “Galaxies, Stars and Planets”, but recognize that had NO value as a career stepping-stone. But maybe that’s why I got on better? I was doing it purely for interest’s sake, and not because I felt I ought to. As soon as I get the feeling: “You need to do this, because you should be getting a job!”, all interest goes out of it for me.
I wonder how realistic it is, just to accept I’m “retired”? If I’m honest, I don’t really want to work again, and I’m not even much drawn to voluntary work. I left the last lot under a cloud, as I became “ill”, but couldn’t clarify with what - that was back in the days before I was diagnosed. I’m pretty sure they thought I was just a shirker and a malingerer, who had wasted all the training spent on me. I can hardly blame them; I thought the same myself, as I had very scant grasp of what was wrong with me - if anything!
Anyway, sorry to be such a misery guts. Didn’t mean to drag you down from your positive post.
Damp weather definitely not helping. It could be psychological, but I think it fundamentally affects how I am. My gardener has just turned up - thank goodness, as he’s left it six weeks, and the grass is knee-high! I was a bit annoyed. The forecast is better for the end of the week, so all being well, I can sit out there again, once he’s cleared the jungle.