they don`t like it up `em, Mr Mannering (dad`s army)

Allo luvvies!

The title of today`s post will make you cringe when you read why I have quoted that long running classic comedy!

This morning, I was very excited! After moaning about the state of our lounge carpet…it isnt that old, maybe 5 years and wasnt cheap, but what with my wheels and little Lucys occassional mishaps (shes a toy poodle, who like her mummy, has bladder problems.........well she is going on 15), plus hubbys size 10 smelly trainer feet, have all left the carpet looking somewhat sad.

And we are getting a new sofa delivered by the good old DFS (no, I`m not on commission, but it might get zapped by the word zapper). So I kept dropping hints that a new sofa would look much nicer, if it was sitting on a new carpet. Not much to ask, is it?

Well the hints didnt really really land right, so I had to get more naggy than usual…poor Mr. Polly, hardly gets any peace!

Last night as I was watching telly, the ad came on for another big discount retail outlet. I shouted throught the wall to the lounge, where Mr Polly was watching his fav progs.

The advert has just been on.


THE advert

Oh, what about it?

Theyve got a big sale on this weekend.`

Is that the Huddersfield branch?

Yeh, it is. Can we go?


So this morning, as the lovely Mr Polly brought Mrs Pollys breakfast tray in to the bedroom (oh that carpet is absolutely knacked from accidents when I was doing Niagara impressions, unwittinngly, but 1 carpet at a time, eh?), when I steeled myself and said Are you going to that carpet shop, luv?`

What????? he growled back. Wrong moment picked to ask…you do have to be canny with these Mr Polly types, don`t you?

Are you going to the carpet shop?


Can I come please?

Theyve got steps, you cant get in.

Ill get in. They must have a delivery door`.

Right, so nearly there…you are a patient lot…hold on…

Carer came and I told her how excited I was at going carpet shopping. We slung me up, over the commode and down…


In my dash for getting showered etc, id come down on the sticking up handle of the commode..........yeh, right up me jacksy!!!!!!!!!!! Carer saw what was occuring and shouted, Go up, go up! My finger couldnt seem to find enough strength to press the up button. The offending post was well and truly up, and seemed to hit a bone and jam itself. Arrgghh, I cried some more.

After what felt like an age, I was free of the object and then managed to land in the right place.

But oh was my bum chuffin sore.............yes, it chuffin was!

We got me into the bathroom and carer had a look. it was bleeding a bit and still very sore.

We washed me and it, then carefully and got me back in the air, so she could peer where no self respecting carer should have to peer for too long! Bless her, she`s an angel!

Back on the bed and looking even more closely, she said,`I think you ought to call a district nurse…it looks bruised!

Being a Saturday, I had to call the emergency number and the call taker had to ask what the problem was. When I told she said, Oh dear, That does sounds painful dear.

Luckily district nurse arrived 30 mins later. She had a look and said,

Oh, that does look sore dear. Do you know, this all sounds very Mrs Bucket!..pronounced b.u.c.k.e.t.

She said there was a little tear, but no need for A & E…than heavens. I didnt want to appear on Bizarre ER. I`ve seen some weird and wonderful accident victims on trolleys with all manner of articles stuck in their bodies…but never a commode!

So, cavilon barrier cream was put around the damaged area and I completed getting dressed.

Oh by the way, we chose a lovely flat weave carpet and it should be fitted soon.

have a nice day all and watch where you land, eh?

luv Pollx

oh poll

i held my breath hoping for a happy ending!


i hope your new carpet and new sofa look gorgeous.

i’m still clenching my bum

carole x

Oh dear Poll!! Hope your new carpet looks lovely. Sorry about your bottom accident. I hope you’ll forgive me poll but it made me laugh out loud an now I must ask for your forgiveness…its the way you tell the story. I really do hope your ok.

Ta kids.

Blossom…no need to ask for forgiveness…I try to write my antics in a humerous way, so as to raise a titter on an otherwise, cold wet wintry afternoon.

luv Pollx

Oh Poll. You have definitely raised a titter with me. You poor thing. It makes me cringe to think of that stuck there. How painful. You do have a lovely carer.

I hope it’s not too painful next time you need to use the commode (if you know what I mean).

((((Hugs)))) Poll

Shazzie xxx


As you know l have many pets - and there have been a few accidents at times. l found a really good product that l sent for from good old amazon [really must buy shares] - it is called Simple Solutions- Extreme Stain and Odour cleaner for carpets and one for tiled floors. l have a handy spray for accidents - and a larger one for using in the carpet shampooer. lt does not hide the smells it actually does get rid of. A collie l looked after for someone managed to annoint every table/chair leg. But once l sprayed everything he stopped doing it. Tried all sorts of stain removers in the past that have just been a waste of money. So very pleased to have found these.

Good tip for smelly trainers - put them in a plastic bag and place in the deep-freeze for 48hrs. Kills the bacteria that cause the smell. Or - l just also bung them in the washing machine.

Thankx guys.

Some good tips there.

Frances…you should have a column in a magazine or a slot on tv, as you have so many great ideas about lots of stuff. It could be entitled;

fransz facts


Ouch Poll, another titter had!! Seriously, pleased you didn’t need to go to A&E!! New carpet sounds good :wink: Take care when hoisting… luv Linda x

Ouch!! poor you Poll, I’m sure it was no fun at all. Glad you’re getting a new carpet though

Take care,

Love Sara x

You poor thing. Love the way you tell them though! Hope the soreness is easing. I too must apologise for my reaction - a groan / shriek of laughter… Husband even asked what I was reading! Do I dare tell him…? At least you’ve got a new sofa and now carpet to look forward to. Don’t make our mistake and get a puppy 1 year after new carpet and 9 months after new sofa… :slight_smile: Take it easy. xx

Poll I’m sorry I have just laughed soooo much, it was really what I needed am feeling down and totally fed up and a good Poll story is just what was required I am so glad you didn’t need to visit a&e and you have such good carers. Take care of yourself. You will never forget this carpet shopping trip :slight_smile: Hugs Barney

OMG! Poll! So glad you are ok!

but…there are easier ways to get a new carpet!

Now…i must go and work my magic on MY hubby and see if i can get that new kitchen i wanted that we chatted about the other day!

I know of one way i’ll get my new kitchen but it’s too rude to put on this forum!


I’m not laughing Poll, really I’m not.

I hope you bum is feeling a bit better today - and enjoy your new sofa & carpet

JBK xx

Oh Poll, your poor wee botty. Hope all is well back there now. On a lighter note, woop woop on new suite and carpet. I love getting new stuff. L x

Oh, I’m sorry Poll…not laughing…much…honest !! Xx

Thanks everyone and I really don`t mind if its given anyone a laff…afterall, laughter is truly the best medicine!

Teresa, hope your method of getting stuff works…i cant use that one anymore......he aint interested!

I used to say he could have a new car, if I got whatever I wanted, usually when I wanted to move house!..can`t do that anymore either!

Someone`s coming to measure up this aft.

By the way…don`t be conned by tv adverts from a certain bed and carpet retailer, who offer massive discounts.

When we went and chose the carpet we liked, there was a big notice on the roll…every carpet 60% off today. So we said wed like that one ...........a brown flecky flat weave, to suit my wheelie. The salesman said ok, thats £14.95 a square metre!

What? I cried! It says on the roll, it is £9 odd and £8 odd today. His reply was, Well have to order it in, there isnt enough on the roll. If you take the amount on the roll, then it is £8 odd.

Then he had a word with his manager and said they could do it at £9 odd! Cheeky chuffs, eh?

Our stairs to the loft conversion, are in the lounge, so we have to get them done too. We will be keeping the same underlay as it is still good.

probably gonna cost more than we imagined…by courtesy of the overdraft!

luv Pollx

You are such a good writer! You ought to start a blog. Would you believe I dropped a carrot on my foot about a month or so ago, and it took a layer of skin off which subsequently became infected. Two toes became red/purple and swollen and the top of my foot was red, puffy and sore to the touch. Currently on my second lot of antibiotics. It’s a lot better than it was - just left with a graze-like wound which stings in a morning and when I go to bed. It would be my good foot, as well! The doctor took a swab on Friday and said she might get the district nurse to pop in either today or tomorrow to check it’s healing. It’s so embarrassing to have to tell people that it was caused by a carrot. At least it was organic!

Eee, the humble carrot can be a lethal little vegetable indeed!

luv Pollx

These offers are never what they seem eh Poll! how annoying! enjoy the new carpet though. x

Heather - that sounds an awful injury just from a carrot. I recently dropped a tin of beans on my big toe - it’s gone black and there was an awful lot of foul language!