My new car came yesterday , I waved goodbye to my blue Ford Galaxy which had been my first car and felt a twinge of sadness . I feel as if I hadn’t appreciated my first motability car , I was so unhappy about being disabled and losing my ability to drive and walk that I resented the shiny blue car and what it stood for with it’s embarrassing hoist in the back , it seemed to shout disability wherever we went. It’s been replaced by a huge gunmetal grey Ford Tornado. It looks amazing it’s easy to drive my wheelchair in and out and even Frazer looked contented on his blanket at my feet. So why oh why do I feel sad and so confused it’s so bitter sweet being disabled. We get anxious that we won’t get pips and then when we do we feel a deep heavy hearted sadness and the same with the car . Am I on my own with these feelings I hope not I feel so grateful for the help and so undeserving , especially if I’m having a slightly better day and so resentful at not being able to turn the clock back and just be “normal” Michelle and Frazer xx
Make the most of it Michelle. Don’t feel resentful & just get on with life as best you can.
Having wheels of any kind, is to help when we struggle to walk.
The alternative is being stuck in a room & that is definitely not good. It’s good for the vultures who prey on folks with problems, but there’s things to do & places to go. Their selfish problems, are not yours. You are disabled & how bad is it, to live in a country that cares about people?
There’s definitely a lot of greedy folks in this world, but I don’t think you are one of them, for wanting your independence.
The idiots who want to take peoples independence away, need a reality check.
Enjoy the wheels & get to them places, you always wished to be.
Terry
Thank you for your kind words Terry. I’m trying my hardest to get my head around Things, life has been very good to me, I have a good husband and wonderful children and two gorgeous little twin granddaughters and of course Frazer my adorable golden retriever assistance dog. Things are good but at times this disability and the life changes it has brought make me feel low and worthless. I feel so guilty for getting this disability when I’m needed as a mum and a Nana and especially having my autistic children they need me. I feel awful for Lee, he has to do so much now, sometimes feel I’ve wrecked his life, we often talk about how it would have been and he reassures me that he feels no different but I hate being this way. I think some days I try so hard to convince myself that I’ve accepted this disability but perhaps I never will. Have you ever read Pollyanna the book or seen the film…well I’m a bit tired of playing the glad game. Michelle and Frazer xx sent from my mobile
Hi Michelle congrats on the new car pip mobility cars wheelchair friendly vehicles it’s all there to help us lead as normal a life
As
possible don’t feel guilty or down hearted about it its opening up new adventures for you enjoy
It’s good that you’re getting the help you need Michelle.
I live on my own & get sarcastic jibes from anyone who even hears of me.
Society is sick in the head. Folks need to get on with their own lives & leave folks alone. I’m being sent around the twist by jealous idiots who steel what they are incapable of doing by themselves. I was way better off before the so called helpers became involved. I was working on an idea which was going to set me & the folks I know, up for life. That went out the window when I was diagnosed with PPMS & was struggling to walk. It seemed to attract every vulture available to my situation.
Since trying to find my own cure, even the useless GP I had, has joined the lynch mob & he’s even retired.
Look after you & yours. Forget the idiots. There’s no helping lost causes.
You can lead a deer to water, but you can’t teach it to drink.
I’m hanging around, to see how messed up people are, when they wake up to what’s going on.
Social media & advertisers are not god.
Just because some people have found a way to abuse the system, we are all suffering for their greed.
Kids want KFC, teenagers want cars, adults want free homes & holidays, gamblers want all their debts payed off.
If they fail, they blame everyone else & create chaos. They love chaos. Common sense is too complicating.
Enjoy your life Michelle.
Terry
Well done and congrats on the car Michelle, it only feels like this because we have t fight so hard!
Sonia x
Thanks Hillbilly, I’m sure it will be good I’ve just felt a bit useless recently and would love to be back to the old me . I wish I could have my old battered van back and drive and walk again . I feel as if I’m in a padded cell everything is geared up to help me carers, wheelchairs pips and motability cars … sometime I just don’t want it anymore I’d love to go far away and re-event myself, like turn the clock back and not be poor unfortunate disabled Michelle but be me again be able to drive and walk and live a normal life . I have some mobility in the home some days I amaze myself , the tiredness and exhaustion is always there I am constantly battling guilt for not being able to do more and make myself right. I think I’m just grieving it all again. Michelle and Frazer xx
Thanks Sonia, yeah you are right we get sick of fighting and when we get the help the truth is we just want to be normal Wed swop all the benefits motability cars ECT in a heartbeat just to be normal again … It’s funny when I last saw my GO she said “make friends with your illness” I really struggle with that one. Michelle and Frazer xx
New car hey I would say I am envious but I don’t do envy I am pleased for you. We were bought a second hand wheelchair adapted Vehicle and it has mad so much difference to me . Enjoy it Michelle some people have absolutely no idea what we have to endure. I would swop anyones ‘normal’ life for a week I am sure they wouldnt want my life.
Enjoy life darling dont take any notice of what they say. I have a copy of a poster that goes like this (almost ) I cant change what others think of me so I dont waste my time trying #
You get the idea from that I doubt I will find it I look
Hugs Don
You are so sweet Don , I really needed to hear that . I’m really sad over the car and feel terrible for not being g over the moon , it’s lovely Don but it feels ike such an unfair swop…i would rather have my life back. Thanks for understanding Michelle and Frazer xx sent from my phone
I feel same Michelle,we have just got a new mobility car and i couldn’t care less about it cant drive these days,i have not been able to for 7 yrs now i dont miss it as much now but at times i do.sent you a pm.
J x
Hello Michelle.
Motability cars help us get up to speed. The scheme is designed for people like us so let’s take advantage of it. Now I’m single again I don’t need a car any more but my three previous Fords gave me so much help.
Enjoy the freedom and convenience.
Steve. x
Thanks Steve, I’ve been out in it this morning . It’s good being high up I think it’s just a case of getting used to it. I value the times when it’s just me and Frazer and I don’t need a car for that, its amazing how good I feel after a walk in the park with him, but the car will be useful for longer journeys. Michelle and Frazer xx
Thanks Jackie xx
Hey Michelle xx. Huge ((((hugs)))) to you. I’m sure lots of us know exactly what you mean about grieving for the “before MS time”. I’ve just posted on Steve’s thread about feeling guilty & useless.
Our PPMS is - well it is what it is. So anything, any little or big thing that can help us make the best of life, should be celebrated.
By using your pip, your new easy to get in car, this fab forum - all help life become easier. If anything achieves that, then great!
You once told me we have to make the best out of a bad lot because what’s the alternative? I’m truly happy you did as you gave me inspiration to enjoy little things more.
It was horrid when dvla revoked my driving licence and when I bought my mobility scooter. I felt vulnerable and disabled. My very healthy best friend jumped on my mobility scooter saying “can I have a go” and made me see the fun side of going outdoors. She’s decided the bladder op I’m due to have will be called my Mulbelly bag. They could soon be a highly desired fashion item l:-)) you know. We both ended up laughing at the situation. My mates sister came to pick her up & was full of doom & gloom for me! When she asked “so how will your future be Chris” I asked her the same question.
Enjoy the lovely new Ford for what it is - a brilliant way to let you go out & about with fabulous Frazer. Continue enjoying lstening & watching your children & grandchildren chatter, laugh & play.
You know where I am hon, take care of you
Chrissie xx
My babygrands love to play with my rollator - and use the stairlift. So far they have left my Tramper alone. Last week when they visited the first thing they did was strip off and get into the hot-tub. So there is my youngest 2.5yrs … in the nude… walking along with one of my walking sticks and stating that she is ‘an old lady’.
Thank you so much Chrissy, your message brought tears to my eyes you are so kind it really helps to have this forum And the support on here helps me such a lot. Love from Michelle and Frazer xx
Aww that’s so sweet, my two Grandaughters love climbing on my chair and turning it on they think its so exciting . I suppose I never thought about how much fun it is to have a ride on nanas knee . Michelle and Frazer xx sent from my mobile phone
Hi Michelle
Like you I really miss being able to drive and take myself out and about, but it is what it is I’m afraid, so bite the bullet, sit back and enjoy your lovely car.
All my grandchildren have grown up with me in a wheelchair, no questions asked they just accept it, and in turn have all enjoyed having a ride on my knee, but now the youngest is nine, too big and heavy for that, but they still enjoy walking alongside me (or at least they tell me they’d do!)
Take care (((hugs))) and woof from Alfie x
Pam x
Michelle,
you’re so right, struggle is an understatement - I have no interest in making friend with my disease but I could/would cheerfully throttle it! xx