Hi Stephen, The most important thing to your family will be to have you there. Your son will need you all his life and will not just view you as a provider. Please seek some help - the Ms Soc has a helpline on 0808 800 8000. Ihope you will ring them, they can help. This illness can really drag you down but you’re important to those people in your family - they really need you. You can get past these feelings and move on. Please get help, Teresa xx
Stephen, you need to get help here either from your gp, ms nurse and contact somebody like the samaritans. You have a precious baby son for gods sake and no matter what you think, both him and your wife need you. What medication are you on?
Is there anything your gp can prescribe for your leg pain? You may need an anti depressant to control your mood swings and make everything just that bit more bearable, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Suicide is not your answer, it will leave all your loved ones in terrible pain and despair. Do you really want that?
I know it is hard for you to be unemployed and disabled, but even people without any disabilities are finding it very hard to get work so it’s not just down to your ms that you can’t find work. You sound as if you’ve got good work experience so I’m sure you’re just as employable for certain jobs as anybody else. Yes, you most probably feel worthless but believe me you are not, you have a loving family and that’s more than some people have.
Financially, are you claiming all the benefits you could? You said that you are terrified of ending up in a wheelchair, I don’t know if you are wheelchair bound, but if not, it’s not a foregone conclusion that everyone with ms will end up in a wheelchair. Do you still go and watch football matches even though you can no longer play? It will be nice to be able to take your son to matches when he’s old enough, perhaps you can get him into goalkeeping.
Do you really want to miss your son growing up and loving his father?..I think not. Sorry if I sound really harsh but you must look to the positive things in your life. I don’t have children, I wish I could have had but that’s another story but I know damn well if I had a child I would appreciate and cherish all the time in the world I could spend with that child. Please get yourself some help now.
Hi Stephen,
Completely agree with Teresa, your son will need you all his life.
I have personal experience of suicide and I also work in mental health. The devastation and sense of anger and guilt that a loved one’s suicide leaves behind is horrendous and leaves a scar that is carried for the rest of their lives.
Please see your GP and discuss how you are feeling and also as Teresa has suggested ring the MSS helpline for support - 0808 800 8000 or The Samaritans (24/7) - 08457 90 90 90 (UK) or 1850 60 90 90 (ROI)
Please contact someone today and get the help you need, it may just be a course of antidepressants or a referral for counselling CBT will get you back on track.
Life goes on, it changes and needs readjustment but all is not lost with a diagnosis of MS…
You are far more than a provider, a breadwinner for your small son and your girlfriend, you are your son’s precious daddy and the man your girlfriend chose to be the father of her child.
Hi Stephen, can I echo Teresa and urge you to ring the MS society helpline but also please go and see your GP. Depression is so very common in people with MS and believe me on this board we totally understand what you are going through.
My children were very young when I was diagnosed . That was 10 years ago and they are now well balanced, caring, compassionate young teenagers with a real sense of what’s important in life - this is just one thing they have gained from having a severely ill mother along with the most precious thing of all; my love time and attention which they might not have got so much of had I been well and working full time in a stressful job.
i feel monetary poor but time rich. The last 10 years have been a mixture of real joy and real heartache but we have faced it together as a family and will do so in the future. Your life is not as you planned it but there is still joy to be found and what you do give and will give your son in the future and the ways you will shape him by being around for him cannot yet be measured.
Please hang in there and share these suicidal thoughts with someone who can support you. Your son and partner need you now and in the future.
sending postive thoughts your way xx
Hi Stephen,
Teresa is right- please call our helpline on 0808 800 8000.
With regards to being a father- you are already fulfilling that role, simply by being there.
You say ‘i do all the nappy changing and bottle feeding and all what dads do apart from working and earning money.’
That’s more than most men manage- my father left when i was 2. Arguably, I’ve never got over that.
Kids need love and parents who care, much more than they need money.
I also know (unfortuantely) what it’s like to lose a loved one through suicide. It creates a unique grief for those left behind, no chance of closure, and a wealth of debilitating emotions. It may seem like a way to end your pain- but it will create a lifetime of pain and confusion for many others.
The best way to show love for your wife and children is to be there for them. Stay strong, they need you more than you think…or will probably ever know.
Stewart (admin)
Stephen, firstly I am glad to see you are still here.
You say you dont know what you are here for…this is clear to me but perhaps not to you because you cant get out of this terrible frame of mind you`re in…
your wife is going back to work and YOU will be the one to look after your precious son. I`m sure your wife would prefer that to putting the baby in an expensive nursery, eh?
No-one bats an eye lid when a woman stays home with children…so why should it be different for a man? Okay, it was the traditional thing for a woman to do, but times have changed and whoever earns the most is the worker.
You say your son has an amazing mother who you love dearly…well he also has a fantastic dad who changes his nappy and feeds him…so how can you be useless?
Just imagine the terrific hurt your wife and son will feel…forever…if they lose you.
Do ask for help from your GP. There are many testaments here from peole who felt as bad as you, but once they are on the right meds, can see a way to enjoy life, love and the world.
luv Pollx
Have thought about it a lot, last option I guess.
Thanks for all your coments, did not know there were people there listening to me, it’s my first time here, met others with MS at a focus group but I was the only bloke there which made me feel out of place. I am a Certified generalist adviser and have worked for the Citizens Advice Bureau helping people solve their issues, since this new govt cut our funding in 2011and made redundant ive almost given up on life, the birth of my son has helped and gives me something to smile about. im not wheelchair bound but have had scary moments, and as we all know each day is different and you never know what’s round the corner and that can be scary. I do need help I know but where do I start, ive been quiet about my experiences with MS as im tired explaining each day how I feel, my partner I think really doesn’t understand what im going through. You guys are right in every way but its hard to sink in, I just hope I can control myself. Anyway thanks Teresa, Anu, Boudica, Stewart, Stans mum … x
Hey Stephen, glad you are feeling a bit better. I was having suicidal thoughts when I was on Rebif. Really horrible. I just sat in my front room for two weeks and thought what is the point. I have come off Rebif and now feel a lot better but I can appreciate how you feel.
You have one amazing thing to live for and that is your son. You are a father and very rich indeed. I have an eight year old daughter who I very rarely get to see . This breaks my heart. She is the person I get up for every morning. The person I look to the future for. So embrace your son. He is the jewel in your crown. You are very lucky.
I wish you well.
Adrian x
btw I’m in south east London, so if you ever want to meet up.
Thanks Adrian i know what you must be feeling not seeing your daughter, i have a 14 yr old daughter i have not seen since 2010 and before that did not see her for 8 years, parental alienation syndrome is what they call it, we do communicate through facebook and thats about it, she knows she has a little brother but her mum wont let her see him.
It really hurts not seeing her and even though her mum does not want her to talk to me, she still goes behind her back and tells me about all that she is doing. I really dont know how im still here i feel like im in a different world than everyone else. I hope you get to see your girl more often. It would be nice to meet, would be the first time since diagnosis meeting someone that has experienced what ive been through. Im right next to Beckenham Hill station and i drive, we can arrange it.
Stephen x
Hi Stephen, it is great that you and Adrian are hoping to meet up.
You need to get out more. I only go out socially once a week and it is the highlight of my week.
we need interests outside the home.
Hope you can speak to your GP about your depression.
Keep thinking about that beautiful little face that greets you every morning…you`re so lucky!
luv Pollx
Thanks Boudica, x
That’s awful Stephen. I hope it doesn’t go that way for me. I have a horrible feeling that it will though. Yeh, let’s meet up. I’m busy the next two weekends but after that I should be free. Do you like the South Bank? There’s a bar in the BFI called the Buengo Bar. It’s really nice. Would you be up for that?
I have only met one other person with MS since being diagnosed and that is a friend that I hadn’t seen for 17 years and he had been diagnosed as well. What a b.itch eh? So, it would be good. It is good to unload.
Adrian
Sounds good Adrian, hope it falls on a good day, not familiar with the South Bank though. Will stay in touch.
Ahhh suicide! … I have MS and had it over 10/11 yes now. I also have social phobia and now under diagnosis for a mental disorder. My grandad had schizophrenia and my mum has servere depression but don’t admit it. I’m 31 male and in pain and fed up! I can never get hold of MS nurses and Dr [Edited] is a joke! (He’s left now after his medical negligence) I hope he doesn’t screw anyone else up whereever he’s gone! He doesn’t do proper checks and thinks he knows exactly whats up as he’s a specialist. He must be able to feel exactly how the person feels for him to kick you out of his room after 60 seconds!. I’m fed up now and hate waking up in a morning just to plough through it all again for another day! They will all be noted down on my last letter and I hope they all get done for screwing peoples lives up even more!. Sniggering MS nurses bidding behind a pompous Neurologist who takes rubbish.
Its better to burn out than fade away!!
Peace out
Gosh Anonymous, you went out of your way, to dredge up a thread started over 5 years ago.
HI
please hang on
Im sorry u are feeling so down atm. I think I understand to some degree. Like you, I think I have had appalling service from teh NHS. Ive also got to the point where seeing the sun shine through the curtains in the early morning makes my heart sink.
I was never depressed in my life until last year when I went from mild tinnittus to 8 loud noises blasting in my head every waking moment; hearing loss; double vision, flashing lights, after images which last for minutes, all kinds of swirling colours; muscle pains etc etc. I lost my wife, home, job, health, and any hope that I had for the future. And maybe not surprisingly I now have severe depression.
But Im beginning to feel a little bit better. Ive applied to do volunteer work at a hospice and have an interview for that next week. My memory seems shot but I’m still quite a good listener, as long as I dont get tested on what I have just heard. Would some kind of volunteer work help to take your mind off stuff and give more sense of purpose? I know it can be hard. Im not even sure how I will get ready for the interview atm.
Ive also spent quite a bit of time on a brilliant depression website. It provides peer support for people who are depressed and/ or suicidal. In the chat, everyone is amazingly supportive to each other and there is also a lot of joking and “laughter”. A lot of people turn up in despair and not long after are busy offering support to others. Maybe pop in there and see if it helps. Evenings are the best time to guarantee a good handful of ppl.Suicide Forum - Live Chat & Online Support for Suicidal Thoughts & Emotional Distress
But please dont give up mate. Chronic illness is s***. But I think there is still hope for a good life, albeit not the same good life that we might have chosen. Sounds like you really deserve better help and support from the health service. maybe you can get a mental health advocate to help push for what you need? The Mind info line will help u find one in your area.
MODS PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FORUM I’VE LINK TO IS A PRO-LIFE ONE. Its about preventing suicide. The name is a bit misleading.
Anyways, please try and hold on and please PM me if you want to chat any time.
best wishes
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