Hi all, I had to get this out & mention it, cause it’s really worrying me & I find it upsetting. Im in limbo, have been for a year. Not badly affected yet, speech issues, writing issues, tingles, strange things happening etc. I’m waiting for a 2nd attack for a diagnosis. Me & my boyfriend haven’t had a sexual relationship for a year, we didn’t have a great sex life anyway because we’ve been together a long time, but if ever we took the effort we would have sex! One day we were planning for a family but I cannot see it happening now cause I’m too mortified by all this ms stuff. I want a sex life, I don’t want to look back & say that’s another part of your life that was taken away, but I can’t do it. I find the whole act quite emotional even when none of this ms stuff was going on, but now I feel faulty & I don’t much like myself, don’t feel attractive anymore etc. How can I have a sex life & have fun with it when I feel like my lifes over. All day, everyday I’m thinking about how I’m gonna end up, immobile, jobless, moneyless, care, nursing homes etc. I was a natural born worrier, but all this ms stuff has tipped me over the edge. I’m not living in reality cause I can’t face it. I don’t even watch normal tv anymore because that would mean me living in reality & I can’t face it, so after work the shopping channel goes on & I watch it for the rest of the evening. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t bear the thought of my boyfriend & family watching me deteriorate overtime. I know I’ve gone off track from a sex life, but it’s one thing I want to try & get back, but don’t know how with the way I feel. Do any of you guys have a normal sex life?
Hi there Anon,
I see you’ve had no replies, so I’m gonna give it a go.
First up, I feel your pain, but believe me, you need to stop thinking about what might never happen, and start living the life you do have now! I know its easier said than done, it sounds like you need some serious help here, so may I suggest a trip to your GP? Explain how you feel, your anxiety, that its ruling your life. You don’t need to feel embarrassed, but you don’t have to mention the sex if you don’t want to, just tell them about the rest of it. I expect they will offer you some councelling, possibly anti-depressants too, and seriousy, I’d accept whatever help is offered.
You have a life! You deserve a quality of life, and I’m sure with help you can get that back!
Tell your b/f how you feel, ask for his support. I’m sure he’d like a sex life too, but I also think that if he’s stuck around this long, he must be pretty into you, and probably would be happy to help you turn your life around, even if it means waiting a bit longer for the sex bit to happen again. Intimacy is hard when you feel like crap, work on the rest and that will probably follow.
Please, please get some help. If, God forbid, any of what you’rer worrying about comes true at sometime in the future, you’ll wish you’d made the most of the time when you were fit and able. Don’t waste what you’ve got now, for some dreadfull ‘‘what if’’.
Wishing you all the very best xxxxx
I have a feeling that what we say is going to struggle to get through because I think you may be quite severely depressed and this forum, now matter how good it is, is no replacement to professional help. Please, please, please go and see your GP. He/she really can help.
And from me about you:
This is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this crap.
Everything you were before this happened, you still are.
It is not our bodies that people fall in love with. Our minds, our personalities, our values and beliefs: these are the things that matter.
And from me about MS:
There is a reason that I’m always saying MS is not the end of the world. It is true!
Only a very small percentage of people with MS end up using a wheelchair all the time.
Only a tiny percentage of people with MS end up in care homes.
I promise, hand on heart, 100% honesty, life can still be good.
I think you need to start putting the TV onto the normal channels because reality is far far less scary than the thoughts going round your head at the moment.
But first, please see your GP and tell him/her everything. Don’t hold back. You cannot embarrass a GP! And it will be the first step to getting help to deal with it all, and getting better.
Huge (((((HUGS)))))
Karen x
Hugs and all best wishes from me too. Xx
All that has been said is so, so true, please do as Karen has suggested, you’ll be surprised at the result of getting help, and you obviously need some.
Sending (((((HUGS)))))
Janet
x
Poor you. I was going through exactly the same thing about four months ago (apart from he sex bit 'cos I’m a bloke 
) Not really, I didn’t really think about it. There are much more important things in life. You shouldn’t be thinking about other people’s feelings, you should be concentrating on yourself. If you don’t look after yourself, no one else will. Karen’s right, your life certainly isn’t over, it’s just going to be different. It will be challenging. I had an amazing week this week. I have been doing a meditation course as part of my treatment. It really relaxes you. I was talking to someone on the course and he was thinking of developing a mobile app. I told him that I was in IT and as a result I am going to be working with him and his partners on the product. I have been out of work since last year. I also went to see my little girl yesterday. She is absolutely amazing. She is seven and can count to fifty in Spanish. She is my joy. I also have a friend who has had MS for over ten years, she has just given birth to her second boy. She is absolutely fine.
Life will be different, sometimes, as it was before, it will be difficult and it will be challenging but then life is. So don’t give up hope. We are all going through a similar process and with a little bit of help we can all get through it.
Good luck. x
I had a friend with MS, sadly no longer with us, nothing to do with her MS.
She spend many years in a wheelchair.
She and her hubby had a fantastic sex life, they are always ‘at it’, perhaps it was the medication she was on, but the MS was certainly not playing havock with their relationship. : )
Hi Anon
My heart goes out to you, but please remember that you are still YOU regardless of what is happening with your body. My dx is very recent - and it IS hard to get your head round - but concentrate on TODAY, cause none of us know what tomorrow will bring (regardless of whether or not we’ve got MS). And regarding sex … well what is ‘normal’ ? Every relationship is different and maybe the two of you need to concentrate on being close to each other for now - cuddles, kisses, holding each other close … don’t feel you have to ‘go all the way’ at the moment but take time to talk to each other and share how you are BOTH feeling about what’s happening.
Hope that makes some sort of sense.
Hugs and best wishes,
Hazel
Ha ha! Sorry but I just love Rhony’s reponse.