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Self-centred and selfish?

Because of it’s unpredictability our m.s. is never far from our thoughts –

Is one of the results of this that we can become obsessed with our symptoms, become totally self-centred and introspective.

Perhaps those nearest to us who say we’re selfish, self-centred and totally unable to empathise with any problems they may have are totally right???

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I would agree that the unpredictability of MS can lead to a preoccupation with my body and mind - worrying and looking for symptoms etc … BUT…I think if anything it has made me more aware of the feelings and needs of others (as who knows what invisible things are going on in their lives).

I am not aware of anyone calling me selfish or self-centred, I have many faults but this isn’t one of them…

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Hi can’t agree either im afraid i do huge amounts of charity work and if anything its made me listen to folks and

understand if someone is tired or in pain or needs anything i do worry only that my son may get it later in life

respect sheep

Sorry don’t agree either.

I think my MS has brought out a kinder, more caring me. I am aware that my hubby, sons, family and friends worry about me and I do my very best to socialise and have fun with them as per pre d/x even if I suffer for days afterwards.

Shazzie xx

I’ve found that it’s made me appreciate the good days. I’m not totally great on energy but if I’ve got energy I do use it and totally pamper my family. It makes me feel good. I’m also more aware of , as Tay said, what other invisible things other people deal with. Xx

I’m afraid I can’t agree. I have always enjoyed caring for others. My children tease me and say it’s their turn now:-) It’s not in my nature to be selfish and self centred, it’s not the way I was brought up so why would ms change that? X

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Am not diagnosed but there are other illnesses out there,as Tay says we don’t know what ‘invisible’ things are going on in their lives. Life is for living as somebody pointed out to me on here when I was having an Aaaarrrrrrrgh moment life is far better than the other option…everyone is entitled to a little moan and self indulgence once in a while…only wish my indulgence was keeping fit instead of feeding mi fat face :slight_smile: Interesting subject matter though :wink: x

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Sorry meant to say in other peoples lives…

Interesting thought and I partially agree. I am not generally a selfish person and will do as much as possible to help those around me. I will always go out of my way to help my boyfriend and make him happy, even at the cost of my own happiness on ocassions. It has made me realise that other people may have ‘invisible’ things going on their lives that I know nothing about - not many of my friends know whats going on with me. It has also made me try to be more patient because I have to explain things out to my boyfriend - because he doesn’t know what’s going on with my body I have to tell him when something’s wrong but sometimes he has questions. Rather than getting frustrated he doesn’t understand, I am talking to him a lot more - if anything MS has helped us both greatly in our relationship as we communicate more.

On the other side, there are days when I am exhausted and cannot bear the thought of making us both dinner, for example. Before I had MS, I would have pushed myself and made dinner anyway. Now, I won’t and will ask him to do dinner, or other chores (which he does without complaining.)

I suppose it has made me slightly more selfish in that I rely on him slightly more now but I suppose I am quite lucky in that he is very understanding and doesn’t actually consider me to be selfish for sometimes needing help getting around or just wanting him to stay in because I’ve had a bad day and want a movie night with cuddles.

I think it has made me just more aware of other people and their feelings as well.

Hi gorgeous red Do you think rather than ‘selfish’ you could exchange that word as being ‘more reliant’, if our needs change out if our control then we are forced to adapt and need the help of others? x

My spelling and writing is atrocious takes the enjoyment out of writing …annoyed with ones self grrrrr!

Allo hun. Hope your replies haven`t upset you. maybe you were looking at things one way and now you are able to see them in a different light, eh?

My chronic condition is always on my mind as it changes the way I do everything.

Plus it has made me more empathetic with others and their difficuties. Becoming a member of this forum has certainly changed me…for the better!

I hope people dont see me as selfish, as I would hate that.

We need to look after ourselves, as our bodies and minds tire quicker than they used to do…I don think this is self indulgent, I think it is necessary so we can be as well as posible…even if it doesnt always work like that!

muc luv Pollyxxx

Hi Manoon

Yes definitely! I really used the wrong word there! More reliant is actually correct - my brain is not functioning properly at the moment!

thanks :slight_smile:

red

im not selfish at all,never have been i put others before myself,and always have done,my partner siad i should really start to think about ME more often,but it doesnt come easy,i would hate to think i was selfish,because i really dont like selfish people at all,never have done

i always think that even though i am housebound now with the ms,there are always people worse off than me,i count myself very lucky that i have a loving family round me, a beautiful home,no money worries,things could be a lot worse…

forgot to say…if my family told me i was self centred and obsessed,i would have to take a good look at myself…but i have never been accused of it i am pleased to say,

i have learnt to live with my ms,and i am proud of the ,way i have coped,with it over the years, and so are my close family too,

one thing i would never, ever do is let it make me bitter…no way !!!

I can see many situations where some people who have a chronic health problem, where family/friends could be thinking some of the things you mention Zetland about their loved ones.

I loved my mother but she was a difficult person to like even when she was coming to the end of her life. She was a very challenging woman, to the point that I found it quite amusing. I’d given up years ago being affected by her coldness and distance. She came from a strict upbringing…different times…she did her best with the tools she was given.

I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say. I just think, how we respond to illness or any crisis, will for the great part depend on our individual life experiences and characters. Some people let the bad things in life get them down and stay down, while others just seem to have a way of turning things round.

Noreen x

Can’t agree with that either, as soon as my breakfast and coffee has been made, I’m happy for the wife to have what ever she wants, as long as it doesn’t take to long, cos I might need her to drop me round the pub while she does the shopping then goes home and cleans the house, and gets dinner ready, MS hasn’t changed me. ( joking really joking) lol

But because you have ms don’t you find that everyone seems to want to talk to you about their health problems plus their friends and famiy’s problems!

I have always been an empathetic person and do try and stay that way but when I’m going through a bad time of it; I do feel a bit selfish and self centred when people call me up and go on and on about someone else’s problems and when I try and end the conversation they go on and on again!

Sorry but am feeling selfish and self cented this evening, tomorrow however I will probably go back to being good old reliable me.

Sort of agree with you zetland.

Take care

Wendy x

Being self-centered doesn’t preclude us from being undertanding and supportive of others. Indeed many people are more empathetic towards others, generally kinder,more underdtanding after being dx’d with m.s.

But the very nature of m.s. with it’s unpredictability makes us more self-centred.

What effect does this have on those nearest to us?

Recently I was told ‘‘you never do anything without reference to your f***** m.s.’’ and the person who said it was right.

Self-centred people, tend to ignore the needs of others and only do what’s best for them. Are you saying that you ignore the needs of others because you have MS…I know you don’t because your mum.

MS is in my head from waking up to going to bed…so what!! I still care for people. Some days I’m tired and I don’t want to be bothered and just be left alone. I don’t see that as selfish, just me taking time out, I think that’s normal.

In my opinion the person who swore at you and made the comment in that aggressive way was selfish. He/she said it knowing you’d be upset by the remark…how selfish is that?

Noreen x