Hey zetland, Who said that? The MS Nurse or the nurologist. Seriously people can be so insensitive, but if we were perfectly healthy, wonder how much we would care about others that we didn’t understand, if I saw a tramp going through bins, would I go and find out the reason was he found his wife I bed with his friend, and it destroyed him. No probably not, there are lots of ways of looking at things, it’s probably selfish to think our way is right? What do I know???
[quote=“zetland”]
Because of it’s unpredictability our m.s. is never far from our thoughts –
Is one of the results of this that we can become obsessed with our symptoms, become totally self-centred and introspective.
Perhaps those nearest to us who say we’re selfish, self-centred and totally unable to empathise with any problems they may have are totally right???
[/quote] I think it could be said of any life changing condition not only MS. It isn’t the condition that makes some people self centred, unable to empathise etc that’s just the way they are, their condition just gives them something concrete to focus on, something to say “look at me I have more to put up with than you therefore I need more sympathy” Also some people just talk more!! Jan x
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Also some people just talk more!! Example, it takes me two seconds to say “my arms were so bad last night I couldn’t sleep” yet it takes my friend two hours to say " I am so tired It takes me twice as long to iron these days" I am not saying she is selfish and unsympathetic just a Gob S**te! And I love her to bits. Jan x
That’s quite a difficult thing to define. Am I self centred, or am I selfish?
Husband “I’m taking S to the ferry, (two hours drive there and back) we could make a day of it, would you like to come?” He’s thinking walk, lunch, enjoy the sunshine.
I have to weigh up how I am today. Knowing I will disappoint him, in the past I would have said yes, regardless, now I don’t. I say “No thank you” knowing that the consequences will be too much for me.
From one perspective you could say I’m being selfish, but I see it as ‘looking after myself’ Is there a difference?
In that scenario I believe I’m thinking of me but am also thinking of him too. He doesn’t want to be responsible for making me ‘worse’
There are times when you do have to make reference to your condition because of the consequences if you don’t.
But the ‘woe is me, I’m the only person who really suffers’ isn’t a role I take on though I am sure we all have our ‘moments’
I believe myself to be, on the whole, an empathic person. I have been ill most of my life and acquiring the MS label hasn’t changed who ‘I’ am, or my ability to put myself in another persons shoes. On the days where my heads a bowl of soup and I can’t think straight and I’m exhausted I will say to people who perhaps need a bit of support or guidance I’m really sorry, I’m not functioning today so bear with me. People who know me accept this and know I’m not brushing them off.
Thanks
the variability of m.s. makes us pre-occupied with how we feel, how we think we can cope with daily circumstances.
We may be empathetic, kind, considerate, un-selfish but the fact is we have to assess before we do anything how any activity will affect our m.s.
And so we may well be perceived by those nearest to us as being selfish because we (have to?) think of our selves.
To ask a pertinent question - does your partner/relative think you are selfish? What I’m asking is how are you prceived not how you perceive yourself.
P.S. For Blossom – would be delighted to be a mum but not going to happen (to do with my gender!!)
“These illustrations suggest four general maxims[…]. The first is: remember that your motives are not always as altruistic as they seem to yourself. The second is: don’t over-estimate your own merits. The third is: don’t expect others to take as much interest in you as you do yourself. And the fourth is: don’t imagine that most people give enough thought to you to have any special desire to persecute you.” ― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness arrogance, narcissism, paranoia, self-centeredness “Self centered people have only one topic to talk about…THEMSELVES.” ― Stef Harder Ok you set of self centred , self obsessed introverts enough about you all, and what about me 
Michelle x
Sorry zetland, my mistake
Hello zetland I’ve asked the Oracle that is my husband, if he thinks I’m selfish. He said all species start off selfish or something like that. He said I’m not selfish He said a lot more high faluting stuff…does my head in never gives me a straight answer X
My husband spends more time away than he does at home, not because he’s working but because he chooses to. (I mean months at a time). I don’t complain nor ask him to stay here, so I don’t impact at all on ‘his life’. Therfore to ask him if I’m selfish I think is a bit of a non starter. That said, I’m very aware that I ‘manage’ myself better when I’m on my own because I have no set routines. If it’s a bad day and I don’t get up until late there’s no one to be bothered by that. I eat what I feel like eating when I feel like eating it and am not having to cook twice a day which is his preference. He doesn’t handle my illness at all, he avoids it. Oh Oh getting emotional …
Anon. We have someone on here who sends hugs, can I steal her idea and send you lots of (((( hugs )))) sometimes we are happy with our lives then something gives us a little nudge and we get emotional as you have today. I hope you are ok and are enjoying doing what you want when you want with or without him. Jan x
Thank you, much appreciated. 
Big hugs from me too (((Hugs)))
So sorry you are alone a lot of the time and your OH is not a lot of help. Ahh Well. We are always here for you!
Shazzie xx
Hugs from me too anon ((((((hugs))))))
Were always happy to listen on here
We’re damn it…please set up auto correct
Thank you, it does help knowing that people are there who understand and care! I manage really well most of the time and I’m considerably better off than many but it’s true to say that for much of the time, I feel like an abandoned housekeeper 
rather than a loved and cherished wife/friend/partner
i dont know, i end up puttin everyone else first before myself then get completely run down n disapointing everyone when i cant do what they want when they need it
It isn’t wrong or selfish to put yourself first. If you don’t look after yourself, how can you hope to be there for the people you want to help.
You can’t be there for everyone either…learn to prioratise. There is nothing wrong with the word NO!!
I enjoy helping/caring for people but I also like me time.
Take care x