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am i selfish?

I’m helpin to look after mum and dad, I feel really guilty bout not being able to help out as much as I used to, I think about what me having ms is doing to mum n dad everyday and how it affects them. Last night mum told me that I’m being really selfish because I started thinking about myself, I should be thinking about how bad my ms affects them instead and that basically its not fair on them n that they need more help now, mum gets a carer that comes down twice a week for 4 hrs each time to give dad a break, they tried getting more hours but was told they can’t, I’m always worrying and thinking about everyone else all the time and doing everything for everyone when they need it, I tried to tell mum that I’m not being selfish by thinking about myself just this once and all I got was welcome to the real world, you don’t slways get what you want. I had a acident yesterday and I’m hurting and sore but yet she wants me there tomorow and Friday to help do her shoppin. Now I can’t say no as I’ll be classed as selfish, I’m running myself ragged as it is doing everything, shoppin, cleanin, goin to the hospital for hrs at a time with her, I feel like I can no longer say I need help or that I cant help out when she demands it, am I bein selfish?

Hi, no I don’t think you are being selfish at all, does your mum realise how MS affects you ? You need time to rest and look after your own health as well as everybody else’s . Take care and I hope things get easier for you. Karen x

Short answer- no.

Sounds like you’re lacking support of any kind. Have you made any connection with any local MS Society branches?

If you need somebody to talk to- and it sounds like you do, please don’t hesitate to call our helpline

Free MS Helpline Phone: 0808 800 8000

Kind regards Stewart (admin)

Murphy (hope it’s OK if I call you that?)

I also don’t think you’re being at all selfish!

Perhaps your Mum should try considering YOU first for a change?

(…ahhh, you can’t beat parents for making you feel guilty about anything and everything!!)

…And, of course, you specifically chose to have MS purely to be as much nuisance as possible to others!

Sheeesh!!!

Dom

Not everybody has a daughter/son at their beck and call. And if they do - most likely the daughter/son would be physically fit and well and working fulltime - so not able to run about doing shopping and cleaning and hospital visits.

Unfortunately, you are not fit and well - and you need caring for - or at least not put upon - blackmailed- because that is what they are doing - trying to make you feel selfish - when it is them that are selfish.

lf you were not there - they would have to manage - and l am sure that they would get help from other sources. They would qualify for more care - their shopping can be done online and delivered. And voluntary drivers can be arranged via GP/Hospital for appointments. Their problems can be solved - but alas you with MS have to get on with it. You are not responsible for them.

You could be fit and well, working full time, with a family of your own to look after, and you could be living miles away from them. How would they manage? - l am sure they would find a way.

Are you selfish - certainly not.

Look after yourself.

Thanks everyone, been on a pretty big guilt trip today with it goin round my head that I’m letting her down, dad understands completely and is nice with me bout it, I’ve put so much on hold like kids n relationships coz I’m being selfish as it means they won’t get as much help from me as they need, now with mum sayin all this to me I don’t think it will ever happen, id just feel to guilty incase they suffer by not having me there to help more, mums said in the past that they would be really stuck and don’t know what they would do if they didn’t have me there to help out all the time. I wanted to move away to where I used to live when I was younger, its only 14 miles away, but with them needing more help now its impossible to move any further than half hr away, its sad how a adult can’t even live her life, having kids or relationships. Its been drummed in me for years that especially mum needs more n more help n that she relies on me so much

[quote=“Stewart Cumiskey”]

Short answer- no.

Sounds like you’re lacking support of any kind. Have you made any connection with any local MS Society branches?

If you need somebody to talk to- and it sounds like you do, please don’t hesitate to call our helpline

Free MS Helpline Phone: 0808 800 8000

Kind regards Stewart (admin)

[/quote] I don't know what support I could get? I try to do as much for myself as I can but even I know I'm struggling and have been for the last few months, I always put myself last and ignore things till I get close to either craccking up or being Ill thrru bein run down

Give them a call and find out - nothing to loose and potentialy lots to gain! Good luck