Is there a connection?
My partner has so many traits of narcissist personality disorder and i have struggled for years making myself poorly trying to stand hy him. I dont no when enough is enough as im very empathic.
His moods are terrible, his anger outbursts are awful, his silent treatment and the way he just doenst care about anyone, he says such nasty things about people, im very much isolated now due to this but he wasnt this bad b4 he was diagnosed, he had traits but now hes so much worse, he doesnt love me n says he doesn’t care about anybody not even his daughter. Has anyone else experienced this with a partener or have these symptoms of ms?
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Hi lol, I have read on here how a diagnosis of MS can make some people angry, bitter, self centred etc. I somehow doubt narcism is a pre-cursor to MS. But I’m not expert in that.
Perhaps he is suffering with depression? Must be very hard to cope.
Boudsx
I totally relate to your experience. Have similar with my husband v sad. Has no empathy for anyone, is derogatory towards woman in general to the point he shouts at the Tv 
then walks out if a woman says something he disagrees with. Says awful and v inappropriate things abouts other ppls misfortunes and disabilities, saying that they are faking needing a wheelchair etc.
I’m no expert but feels like a personality disorder came first. Seems like he could mask it in the early days, but as we all know that behaviour takes a massive amount of effort and energy which just isn’t sustainable. Is charming in ithers company.
I’m sorry you are having this. If you are young and have a young child I’d carefully consider your options as it doesn’t improve, believe me.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life living like this?
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Hi @Lol
I can relate to so much of what you have said here! My partner has a different condition, I am the person with MS in our household, but I am the one who does all the ‘looking after’, and consequently my own physical and mental health suffers for it.
I would say that any personality disorder would have been there long before the diagnosis of MS. Abusive, manipulative types will use their illness/condition as a means of controlling their partners. Yes their illness might make things worse, but it is neither a cause nor an excuse for that behaviour and should not be used to justify it.
It is not as easy as some people think ‘to just leave’, especially if you have a shared home, finances, children etc… then there is the emotional cost as well.
However, at some point we have to put ourselves first (easier said than done I know), I’m still working on that myself!
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Yes, i find it extremely hard to put myself first, as I’m not the one with ms, but i have been unwell and so know how illness can affect everything! Ive been diagnosed wiyh ME, Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and now lupus, high BP and underactive thryoid. All i believed as a result of illness , stress and the demands of working and being an unpaid carer.
No empathy from my husband who hasn’t worked for 15years now, but can still do activities he chooses!
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Hello, I’m currently going through this with my narcissist, alcoholic, MS diagnosed boyfriend. It is very soul-crushing, and can seriously damage your mental health and sanity with their behavior. I have been working on not letting him get under my skin. We are not married but at first I didn’t know about his condition and when I found out I had already fallen in love with him so now I cant just live without him. Evereyday Im trying my best and fight another fight to stand by him but to also stay strong and ot giving up on myself and mental health. I am not the one to consult you on how ro handle this situation but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and be strong
(im sorry if i did any mistakes English ar enot my native language 
)
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I’m just new to this site and have hours and days looking for answers. Yours is the first one that found that I have all similarities with. 
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Unfortunately me and mine have now split up, he left us and his child. I truly believe they have alot of narcissistic qualities and it was making me so mentally poorly. He doesnt want to no his child and we are now moved on and living our lives. You cant help everyone especially if they dont want to be helped. I tried for 12 years but nothing i ever did was good enough.
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I doubt it - you had the misfortune to set up home with a narcissist who developed MS.
My brother, a narcissist if ever there was one (charming and loving in public, total ****head in private), developed MS in his mid 20’s and made his now ex-wife and kids’ lives hell until she filed for divorce, and he was gobsmacked that his blood and kin would take the side of the woman who had the nerve to divorce him.
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Yup there must be some connection. Im now so mentally and emotionally detached from him. So yea i do say to anyone who has commented to be careful. And if any of u want my phone number ill be happy to give it, if i can help anyone then im happy. 
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Hi, I married my wife when she had been diagnosed with SPMS for 10 years so I knew what I was taking on. I should say from the outset that I don’t believe she is narcissistic as she is very friendly to everybody she meets. Her problem (in my eyes) is that she can’t let go of her controlling behaviour. She will say she is fine with me going out with friends to socialise (she doesn’t want to come along anymore as she is sensitive to sounds, lights amongst other concerns) but if I am out for longer than an hour she is bombarding me with texts asking when I’m coming home? If i come home later than she expects me she makes snide comments about leaving her on her own. She has no friends to come and sit with her while I’m out and those that could she sends them away saying she is tired. Then she texts me to see where I am. I feel like i can’t have a social life because she doesn’t. When I do go out (very rarely) I feel guilty that I’m out and she’s home alone so I can’t enjoy myself. I gave up work to care for her and we managed through the pandemic without a cross word to each other but lately it’s been little things said or done which have escalated into a full blown row! I’m as much to blame as her and I hate the fact that I can be like that as it’s not me. She was married before and said he divorced her because of her MS and I thought how heartless. Now I’m questioning my own commitment especially when she refers to her ex and comparing the quarrels we are having. I don’t want to be a failure in our relationship and it hurts.
Hi togger61
I dont think its okay for any partner to be like that with there partner and having a disability doesnt give anyone the right to talk to you like that, i understand you lost it with her but plz dont feel hurt.
Must be very hard to have a disability and ms and mental health isnt a good combo , i think she must feel very alone when your not there.
Your doing a great job.
Remember your mental health aswell.
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Hi.
I was the same for a long time after my heart attack. The smooth muscle layer started to spasm in my arteries causing a reduction in oxygenated blood going to my brain.
I eventually received a formal diagnosis and started on a treatment program. Im nowhere near as triggered as I used to be and now wonder how many others are living with the same symptom.
Very few know about Coronary Artery Spasm but its a frightening symptom that appeared after my last relapse.
What a kind caring compassionate man you are ,it really takes its toll i understand that but your own mental health important too .
Personality definitely changes with ms decline my tongue is in pieces biting it but at times i have had to explode .
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Hi all if i read this last year totally us, but this year we have been told hubby has a new inactive and active lesion on frontal lobe and ms dementia ( which no specialist ever has told us about before, even though ive been banging on about personality changes, depression ive even said said over and over its like frontal lobe dementia! All we got was oh no no) but frontal lobe damage, dementia, now it all makes sense and after being told this my hubby has opened up to me about awful thought that haunt him, behaviour that he couldn’t understand doing and has actually apologised for everything. Im not saying everyone has or will get ms dementia but its worth corolatting mri and brain damage with symptoms. Unfortunately its not something done by any specialist so you have to do it and then take your evidence to them ask for neuropsychiatry and neuropsychology appointments. Love and hugs to all
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Hello All. I’ve just come across this old thread and find it very sad and sobering but also a useful ‘marker ‘ to keep in mind . I suppose I’m just sharing although I’m not really sure who the sharing is aimed at.
Anyway: I’m aware that MS can make people very anxious and depressed- both as a result of the anxiety and depression that is, if you like , a perfectly normal response to having a condition like MS and as a result of lesions , changes to brain chemistry etc.
My experiences have been: my then girlfriend was fully aware of my MS diagnosis ( she was with me during the MRI and appointment with the neurologist). I promised her that I would do my best to keep myself healthy and anything I could to deal with the MS. We later got married in a humanist wedding and I wrote my promise to her in my vows to her. I’m mighty pleased to say we remain happily married and I love her dearly. We have much in common and share a lot of laughs.
A long time ago , being aware of the possible changes in mood etc brought on by MS I asked my wife to let me know if she notices any changes in me and I’m also very conscious of the need to monitor my self.
I now can’t remember why but a long time ago I started on Citalopram and I’ve continued with that to this day.
Last year my Dad died and both my wife and I got pretty bad Covid which took months and months to get over and made my MS symptoms quite a bit worse ( no idea whether that was a coincidence or not) . After all that I felt ‘this is too much, I need some help, I need to ‘come up for air and feel the sun and wind on my face again’ . So I took myself off for a series of counselling sessions- which made a big difference to me .
So what am I sharing? I’m not totally sure . Perhaps for those with MS - keep a close eye on your feelings , keep a weekly diary if necessary, write down your feelings and get support as soon as you feel you might need it. For partners of those with MS , I guess it’s sort of the same - keep an eye out for changes in mood and personality ( but not in an obvious and intrusive way - no hovering around with a clipboard of questions about - ‘ and how are you feeling today’ 
). If at all possible try to have a discussion together about what to do if MS does begin to change the personality of the one with MS.
I’m a bit of a romantic and next year it will be a significant ( but relatively minor ) wedding anniversary . I’m going to take the opportunity to renew my vow and promise to my wife about maintaining my health etc.
As someone on another thread said, MS can put quite a heavy load onto the minds, emotions and lives of partners. The least I can do is to try and lessen that load - which I suppose gives me a win - win in all sorts of ways including, hopefully , a continuing happy marriage.
Not quite sure why I’ve written all this : a reminder to myself to make sure that both i and my wife are as healthy and happy as can be, a reminder to myself to keep a close eye on my general mood and to catch any early signs of problems as soon as possible ?? A sort of message of support and suggestions to those whose partners have MS - don’t be hard on yourself, try to discuss what to do if and when MS starts to affect not only physical abilities but mental and emotional ones as well.
A longer post than expected but my best wishes to all partners.
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Yes, there is definitely a connection. I’m going through the same thing with my husband. He was diagnosed with MS 13 years ago and his behavior has slowly gotten worse. Thankfully he was a great person before his diagnosis, but over time he has certainly developed a narcissistic personality. I am also trying to be supportive but I wonder how much more I can take. It’s so hard.
I found a study that explains this. I’ll attach the link here. I hope it helps you. For me, knowing it’s not his fault helps me be a little more patient.
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My husband, diagnosed 18 years now has so many of the personality traits as in the article. V difficult to live with, resulting in constant silent treatment a d withdrawn behaviour, frequently taking to his bed fir extended periods.
Ino longer try n coax him out of these behaviours. The harder i tried, the more he dug in. We now prettmuch live separate lives under the same roof. Hes relied on alcohol to self meditate, but that v quickly ends badly to the poont ive stopped buying and we no longer risk opportunities of social gatherings.
Just no fun. Hes currently onnself destruct and i suspect there will be a crisis to bring all attention back to hom, as we are all currently ignoring his manipulation tactics. V sad. But there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it.
I practice self care a lot.
Hello, my situation is slightly different were as, I’m the one living with SPMS and my Husband of almost 30yrs is the one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And let me tell you, living with him and trying to manage my condition is a death trap. It’s difficult enough trying to not only accept life as its new normal with this dibilitating disease, but to have a spouse whom once vowed to love you for better or worse, through sickness and health not even care and are often the main source of your health declining is rather miserable and incomprehensible to say the least! I find myself praying more for Peace and for God to remove him or I from each other’s lives than I do for any kind of reconciliation between us as he’s becoming increasingly unbearable to even be around/associate with. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have often placed myself in his shoes/tried to view things from his perspective. However, I cannot comprehend how he must be feeling as he not only ever shows any emotion, but has completely disregarded any acknowledgment of my disease since my original diagnosis in 2018. So much so, that he refuses to even go into any of my appointments with me (even when the doctor suggests/invites him into the room), he will not look or review any literature provided to him for research purposes, nor does he wish to even talk about it. He has completely blocked it out of sight, out of mind. That is, until there’s a potential financial gain, such as assistance from support organizations or fee reductions on certain products & services, and/or discounts of some sort that are all beneficial to me. He even grabs my Handicap Placecard and keeps it in his vehicle (even when he’s not transporting me). It’s so visible, the magnitude of his selfishness and lack of care & concern and it’s beyond embarrassing, but lonely and sad as well. It’s become rather obvious that he’s truly becoming a hazard to my health; especially my mental state. Any thoughts or suggestions?
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No. Not at all.
My Dad had MS for 57 years.
He experienced anger, frustration, and bouts of depression over the years. But he was one of the nicest people you could meet, and everyone loved him.