I am totally heartbroken, lost and confused by my partner with MS who ended the relationship a week before our anniversary of being together a year. Can anyone explain what may be going on in his head? He was diagnosed with PPMS a couple of years ago a short time before I met him. He is turning 37 very soon, and again, just prior to meeting me, was forced to take early retirement from a job he adored and never stopped talking about while we were together. He told me about the PPMS on our first date, as we just clicked right from the start, and after doing some research on PPMS, and falling hard for him, I assured him that I would never walk away from someone because of ill health, and I would be there through thick and thin.
He was in denial I believe our whole relationship, telling me (and beleiving it himself) that he was a bit of a mystery in that the specialist told him he would never suffer mobility issues or end up wheelchair bound. I feel sure that no healthcare professional would ever guarantee this to someone with MS, but he insisted. Until recently, his symptoms were not affecting him too badly, some memory issues, restless leg syndrome, lack of ability to smell, and twitches. What I noticed from early on, was that he was inconsistant in his treatment of me. One moment I was the love of his life, the next he was a little distant and moody. I was his first g/f in a decade and I noticed some social awkwardness, and self absorption, and started to wonder if he had mild aspergers or something similar. He assured me there was no depression, and could not understand my feelings of his behaviour with me being inconsistant. He was also a bit of a sponge financally, leaving me to pay for nearly all of our shopping when he stayed with me, and any social time out we had was paid for by me on every occassion except where it was clearly out of order for me to do so, such as my birthday, but I figured that even though he had been given a healthy pension from work, he was likely scared about his financial future so I made allowances. Even with his flaws, I adored him as he is the loveliest and most gentle man I ever met.
We had a few rough patches, as he had no idea how to be in a relationship, but with patience and understanding from me, we got over our hurdles and for a few months, we were an idilic couple. He had stopped being weird and distant and appeared absolutely committed and besotted. He became very loving and affectionate and we were happy. Nauseatingly so!! It did not last. He suddenly started withdrawing from me, all the affection was being initiated by me, he was moody and made the odd random nasty comment out of nowhere, which was not at all like him. We went on holiday and it was awful. I felt so alone watching all the other couples being loving and laughing, but I could barely get a converstaion out of him. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that he wasn’t “feeling” the holiday, but assured me that there was no problem with us, and that he had been like this on a previous holiday. He asked that I stay patient. Often when I would ask what was wrong over the year we were together, he would say that he could not explain it as he did not know himself.
I should mention that at one point my OCD started to get difficult as I was stressed, and I did start seeking re-assurance for my silly worries, but he assured me that he would never leave me because of it as he loved me and wanted only me.
When we came back from holiday, out of the blue he ended it. He gave the reason as my OCD and said that he was now having mobility issues and blames the stress my OCD put him under. I told him that was unfair as he has a degenerative condition - symptoms would occur anyway at some point. He now says that it is not the OCD, but rather his inability to cope with simple things, and his failing health. He says that he loves me, I’m as perfect as it gets, and I make him happy, but his health will not allow him to be with me. I told him that makes no sense as I am willing to stand by whatever the MS brings, and plenty of folk with MS have relationships that work. He apears to be very confused, and not know himself why he can’t get back with me, even though my OCD is under control now. I asked him should I close the door and try to move on, he said no - he may change his mind as he misses me so dearly. In the next breath he says that he suspects any relationship with anyone would cause him too much stress as he “can’t cope” so he cannot be with me.
I am so devasted without him. I feel like I lost my future and my best friend.
Anyone advise me what has happened to him? Thanks.