Good call Whammel
Hi Chloe, I agree with so much that’s been sai here so just wanted to say hello & welcome - you deserve so much more!
Sonia x
Fantastic words Whammel. Best wishes Chloe, onwards and upwards.
Pam x
Chloe feel for u, similar situation here. GF broke up with me around 10 weeks ago. BUT she went front loving caring etc for nearly 3 years to…just finished out of the blue etc etc…yes its not nice and maybe emotions are all over the place and yes im not happy about it…Her personality changed as from last november and has quickly got worse…; like u i was more than willing to continue being with her as her illness was diagnosed last year and I was there when she received the news and no way would I have left her no matter what she threw at me but her choice to end it. hers is denial denial denial…depression eye trouble burning headaches etc etc…wont get help etc etc…so Im in the same boat as you are…Im now stepping back as having discussed on here and spoken to those in the know and me good old mum and aunty think its best to just leave her be…some lovely people on here just dealing with whatever the illness chucks at them…good luck chloe
This is an old thread but so much misinformation, you do relaise MS can cause massive damage to frontal lobe? It can make people appear to have multiple personalities etc? I can be very horrid to my wife and the next minute very sweet. I hate posts like this. The guy clearly was suffering from ms inflicted cogntion and you alljump at him. And no I can’t just control it like that, healthy people can control themselves. MS causes damage, poor guy was suffering and just because you have ppms and don’t have these issues. Well good for you but some of us have very aggressive ppms, like me and we fight so hard to control our rotting brains and massive behaviour and emotional issues. This is a very poor thread indeed.
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I was diagnosed with relapsing remitting a MS last year. Very quickly I began losing my memory, my Mobility, and sometimes because I have a lesion on the visual nerve my eyesight. Adam I have over 20 lesions on my brain and two on my spine. Out of the blue I will lose the ability to reason or remember and it doesn’t just feel like a normal loss of memory. It comes with intense pressure that I’ve never felt as a relatively healthy person, almost as if somebody is stabbing me. I can’t speak for anyone else but it felt like I was dead and everybody kind of accepted that I already was going to die. Even if they didn’t say this out loud you can tell the non-spoken ways in which people interact with you. If they are healthy they can say that they are with you but with Ms it’s not like with cancer there is in the chance that you’ll get better and it’ll go into remission. They call it remission but it never really gets better. Medication may have stopped the progression but it also brought a lot of other complications. One moment you feel like you’re getting close to the life you’ve envisioned and the other moment you have to accept your imminent death. Anybody who doesn’t do this doesn’t understand that Ms is extremely unpredictable. I also work part-time in healthcare. I have seen people with a great prognosis slip into extreme pain and rapidly changing symptoms. That is hard for somebody to deal with. You may be there with them but they have to deal with that and if they are heading towards death or think they are you cannot go with them there’s nothing that can make that better. Somebody can support you but to go through endless ever-changing pain so that you don’t ever have the energy to process anything is not a way to live. Even the people I’ve met with ALS that have lost their function are dealing with something scary but money that I have met still have their mind and they’re able to fully comprehend and appreciate the things around them. By no means am I saying that it’s easier at all but your mind can do a lot if it is healthy to cope. With MS much like with dementia you’re continuously coming back and getting lost and exhausted. You can never keep up. A single text can be so difficult to comprehend that anyone getting upset with you can make you feel even more hopeless, because they are not going to die but you are headed toward that uncertainty and your body is reminding you of that everyday. Sometimes you can’t swallow food and you think you might die then. You’re constantly preparing for death. I understand your partner. I understand that you’re supportive but sometimes we cannot vocalize ways in which we do not feel supported. That is not necessarily anyone’s fault but no healthy person can understand what it is like on the side of the tracks. I know this because I was a healthy person who took care of people with a MS. To have it and to see it are two different things. If he has to engage in anything that he used to be able to do as a healthy person it’s going to be confusing for him. Anything even normal things that you would see is no big thing are things that probably take a lot of energy out of him to the point that he probably already feels dead. I’ve read some of these other comments and I can’t believe that the commenters have a MS because they didn’t seem to be understanding of the condition. I hope that you guys working out if you can. You deserve that. He probably needs more reassurance that he doesn’t have to be the same version of himself that he was when he was healthy. Sometimes he may not even have a conversation with you because of the way the lesions affect his brain. I know of this because I’ve experienced it. I know what is not possible for me to have a relationship or friendships because the normal things that they do take so much time for me to be able to do and now I don’t have the one thing that I need to make that happen which is time. A lot of us with MS are scared that we will not have the time to do things properly or give things the energy that is expected. If you truly love your partner, I would make it clear that he doesn’t have to be happy and that he doesn’t have to be strong and he doesn’t have to do things that he just has to be. That maybe the thing that makes him stay.
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Can echo the two posters above. Noting the age of this thread, it’s hard for us to know what the hell is going on (“why am I wreaked today/must have been faking it yesterday not that bad now”). Normally as a partner you see it day to day and have some understanding.
However, those who don’t even see it day to day are ABSOLUTLY not the people to be taking advice from. Half the time they just want to help you, you’re upset, they say leave, from a position of total ignorance.
It’s actually quite a horrible thing for them to do. Oh and they’ll always know someone/people with MS who isn’t like that. So with total confidence “just leave”.
To them you’re the only person with even the slightest idea. You might get sick of “it’s the MS” trust me if they are saying that in their confused, depressed, in pain state not able to sleep and everything changing. It’s the MS.
All the best everyone,
Andrew