Morning Trellis, well where to start.
First off, BEFORE I got really sick and i was working i was in my late forties, and with my present partner. I love him very much, but sadly he has COPD and is now in last stages of it at 70. Our sex life started to deminish as he found it harder to actually breath and it was him who withdrew sexually not me, because it was too much for him.
10 years ago my sex drive did a nose dive, so really we have lived a celibate life together. We have a wonderful relationship, i still find pleasure errr now when i need too for myself, but if i pushed him, he would pass away bless. I decided that in my lifetime i had enough sexual relationships to keep me going if that makes sense. I decided that just being with someone even as a companionship was worth it. If something happens to him now i would never bother with another man no thanks.
I think your partner has his own issues, and perhaps using you as an excuse. There is more then one way to skin a cat one doesnt have to lead a traditional sex life, there are other ways to enjoy each other without having to negotiate stiff legs.
I know lots of older people late fifties, early sixties who dont have sex any more with their husbands and quite a few who sleep seperate (me being one of them). My best friend is 62 and her husband a once healthy man got meningitis 2 years ago and their sex life did a nose dive, but they still happy together she just takes what she can, as she loves him.
So what to suggest. Lets not jump the gun yet and see your future without him and coping on your own, lets find a way that you can enjoy each other again without him being your carer.
There are care packages out there to help you. I have Direct Payments and before diagnosis I got 10 hours care. It doesnt sound a lot but it does cover me having a shower in the morning and doing more personal things for me.
So can you get care package? To start you ring your Adult Social services team and explain and they will send someone to do you an assessment.
IF you can afford too, can you get a carer in for a few hours a week, to take the load off him. Sometimes we do forget that we are still human and need to go out and do normal things. When was the last time you both went out to the cinema, or restaurant or even on a holiday. Its easy to get wrapped up in PPMS, and wheelchairs.
Are there times you can get out of the wheelchair, or are you permanently disabled? Have you been reassed by a specialist physio? I used to teach a lady with MS before i got sick, and she was in a wheelchair about your age i suppose, and we talked a lot but she was out learning how to use her computer, and started to google and found out about oxygen therepy and weirdly enough there is a centre not far from us, so off she went hubby in tow, and started it, and six months later she was walking again, stiffly but with aid. Sometimes we just get so used to our body we forget it can be challenged too.
So I would look first to find a way that he doesnt have to be your carer quite so much, give him a break, and also i think you two should go off somewhere and just chill together and enjoy each others company.
There are no guarantees in this life, and illness can strike any of us. I have 3 friends, who have all just lost their hubbies, one was only 38, the other 54, and the other one 62 scaringly enough by sudden death heart attacks eeek.
So what i am saying is enjoy what you have you still have a good relationship, and you could be sneeky and instigate sex but then perhaps he has gone off it anyway, and the arrangement is just suiting him anyway lol.
I love my life with my hubby, even though its celibate, we still cuddle and kiss, but we have a comfortable relationship, and sadly i suppose he is in the grand scheme of things a lot iller then I am, so i treasure every moment we have together. xxx