My husband was diagnosed with PPMS in 2006. Our children were 4 and 6 at the time. He has gradually got worse and he had to leave employment at the end of 2008. I then increased my hours to full time. We had to move house to a bungalow and my husband is now in a wheelchair and stays on the bed for the majority of the day. He has a carer, who comes in for a hour each day. My daughter went away to university last September and I lost my mum suddenly last November. My mum was my rock and my main support. My daughter helped me with all the house work and did the tea each night.I have a son at home who is a big support for his dad. He will be going to uni next year. I am really struggling emotionally. I am on anti depressants. I spoke wIth my husband mum and told her how I felt. Then yesterday she just shouted at me down the phone. She said a lot of nasty things.she said I need to step up and get on with it. She said she knows others with MS and their partners cope and don’t moan. She said I had stop moaning and stick to my wedding vows. In sickness and in health.,My husband has cognitive problems so couldn’t think what to say to her. I’m on a all time low and don’t know where to Turn?..
I’m probably in the same condition as your husband. So, I’m not sure what to say.
What is the exact problem?
What don’t you like about your life now?
Do you feel the relationship is over, and would like a new life?
To go ‘out and about’ with someone? To have new shared interests to enjoy?
Some relationships just end - there’s no dishonour - if you are feed up - change things.
I say to my husband who is my main carer - “the door is open.”
I can cope with the physical side of each day. It’s the emotional support. I have a good laugh with my husband and we do try to go out when he’s up to it. We still have a mortgage, so unfortunately I still have to work full time. I would love to reduce my hours, so that I could be with him during the day. Since I lost my mum I don’t get that emotional support. I’m not complaining about looking after him. I struggle with the lack of support for the carer.
I would contact social services. there are carers support groups and a whole network of help. You also need respite for yourself!
http://www.carersuk.org/ this site is invaluable as a source of finding our exactly what help is out there.
“Support” - meaning more free time to do what you want or someone to talk too?
GPs can offer counselling. Or try to make new friends.
My husband used to go dog walking with a carers’ group for a while, but they seems to complain a lot - so then he took up a part- time degree restoring furniture. It gave him an outside interest and a new hobby.
He’s got a new band saw, I can hear him making a lot of noise right now. He seems happier.
Hobbies and interests are a good way to meet people and are a good distraction, but of course as you are busy working you may not have the time or energy for hobbies.
It’s difficult. Could you either:
a) get a better job to pay off the mortgage quicker or
b) give up work and pay off your mortgage if you moved to a cheaper area. Downsizing?
Many have faced the same problem. Hope you find the support you need.
Hugs, that’s what it sounds like you need