I am the carer for my boyfriend been together 4 years was all good at beginning but this last year it’s got worse I can’t do anything right in his eyes and the abuse I take off him is a nightmare I no he is struggling cause now he can’t walk at all which I can only imagine what he’s feeling I don’t get any time for myself and when I walk the dog he’s constantly on the phone it’s just getting to much at the minute and his ms does nothing to help I have health problems of my own and I never complain as I always put him first I don’t no where to turn for help as his anger is getting out of control and I think he needs to talk to someone about it as he’s bottling it up inside
Tough love. You need to put yourself first. Leaving aside any suggestions of selfishness (you’re absolutely not), you’d be no use to him if you’re falling apart yourself. Talk to him, get help talking with him and if he keeps dragging you down, be prepared to walk away. You’re only 4 years in.
I speak from some experience: my wife and I have been together 8 years and I was diagnosed with PPMS 3 years ago although realistically I was being misdiagnosed for perhaps 10 years. We each already had families before getting together. I have said to her she doesn’t have to stick around and she has a right to her own life etc. Actually, she’s brilliant. Some things are understandably hard for her to deal with and life is definitely not what we had in mind when we got together but she steps up. And I NEVER take her for granted.
So there’s a difference. It’s so unfair that you are in a relationship with someone who puts himself first. He will be very scared and definitely vulnerable but he needs to be considerate and respectful of you too.
Graeme
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Just to say I totally agree with @GCCK . I’ve had MS for around 18 years, can walk but not far and have a few other problems as well ( getting to the toilet in time being one of them). When I was diagnosed I told my then girlfriend that I would totally accept with absolutely no hard feelings if she wanted to end the relationship. I’m pleased to say she didn’t and we have been married for just over 10 years.
I am genuinely very grateful for everything she does to help and for e.g patiently waiting for me to do things, get ready to go out etc. I always, always ,make a point of letting her know how much I appreciate her and that I love her.
Having MS can be tough but that doesn’t mean you can take it out on others. Thousands and thousands of people have MS and worse but like say Chris Hoy, or some of my recently deceased friends, they make a point of sharing their love and affection for their partners.
Your boyfriend should do what he can and be thankful for whatever support you give him. As @GCCK says, take care of yourself and yes, give him some tough love
Sticking my neck out here, but personally I am very much of the view that as in any relationship, if he values the relationship then he must do his bit, value you and take counselling or consult a GP for possible depression/ anxiety. If he refuses then - basically is it any sort of relationship?
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