Hi everyone. As the title suggests, I’m very confused at the moment and am in desperate need of some advice. Ill try and be as brief as I can. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he was diagnosed 4 years ago. His MS has never really affected him much until recently, he’s of the ‘ignore it and carry on’ mentality.
He’s continued to smoke, drink, rarely eat and hardly bothers with his injections. He can’t stop working until his contract ends in a year. He’s worked six days a week, 12-14 hours a day for years. For the last 2 years things have been slowly progressing, but in the last 2 months things have really sped up. His hands are less responsive, he cant grip or feel his fingertips, it takes him 10 minutes to button a shirt He’s struggling to stand, let alone walk, his balance has completely gone. His vision is deteriorating quickly and he can no longer feel the soles of his feet and therefore can’t drive.
He has a very high need for ‘nookie’ but he says things are starting to go numb. He’s constantly worrying that he’s ruining my life (I’m only 25 whilst he’s 40) He’s getting really frustrated with himself, more so because I try to help and he snaps at me. We only have one year to go until we can move away and start again, but he’s worried that I’m giving up my life to look after him and insists I shouldn’t. He’s old fashioned, he believes that a man should look after his woman no matter what and be the provider and won’t accept that I’ll happily get 3 jobs if it means he doesn’t have to work.
He can’t come to terms with what’s happening to him and its hard to watch. I’m patient and don’t care how if he takes it out on me. No matter how much he insists I won’t abandon him, he’s the love of my life. I don’t know how to make his life any easier, I just know that I can’t sit and watch him struggle without helping. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
your boyfriend is lucky to have you there, you obviously love him very much.
he is really struggling to come to terms with his diagnosis.
cognitive behaviour therapy has helped a lot of people with this issue but he probably wouldn’t agree to it because he hasn’t yet come to terms with it.
the ms therapy centres are wonderful.
many couples go to ours, the person with ms and their partner who can have one of the therapies.
the main room is a meeting place where we drink coffee, eat cakes and talk about everything.
i think it would be good for you both.
your fella could come to terms with his diagnosis by talking to others who have gone through what he is going through.
it would help you because you would see that even at its worse, ms doesn’t mean it’s all over.
google “ms therapy centres near (your nearest town)”.
phone them up and explain what you have told us.
wishing both of you all the best.
I’m sorry this is happening to what could be a very good relationship.
He needs to feel secure in your love.
Keep telling him you love him, leave little notes around the house. Do things before he sees they need doing.
Ask him to marry you next year!!! How about that!
You sound a truly lovely lady!
Much love Polly xx
Thank you so much for your advice! I’ll be sure to check out therapy centres, that sounds like a brilliant idea, I think that hearing other people’s stories would really help him and like you said reassure him that nothing is over and give him a little hope.
And I’ll be sure to reassure him that’s he’s loved. Unfortunately he’s had two failed marriages and will never marry me, but maybe the fact that I’ll be by his side regardless will reassure him further.
I’m truly grateful for you advice, you’ve really helped put my mind at ease. Thank you!x
Ah, that’s a shame about previous marriages…but if they hadn’t ended, you wouldnt have got him.
Just keep reminding him that there is still a good life to be had after a diagnosis of MS.
There are lots of people here to testify to that.
It isn’t all plain sailing, but with good support and encouragement we manage it somehow!