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Porn, is it acceptable?

Hi. Feeling really flat this morning.

This horrible horrible disease has left me with hardly any sensation down below, if you know what I mean. I have tried to work hard at making this ok between me and my hubby, but it’s really hard. I know things are going wrong between us. I know he has been looking at the men’s mags, and although I hate them, it’s been a means to an end. But yesterday I discovered that he has been logging into live porn sessions. I feel awful like he has had an affair. I can’t accept this as part of the deal. We have been married for 15 years with three lovely children.

Do I confront him, or let it into my life like everything else

Hi Caz,

Sorry to hear you are feeling flat today and that things arn’t great.

I wouldn’t use the word confront but you should probably bring it up and talk about it if it is making you feel bad.

Hear him out and then tell him how it makes you feel knowing what he has done.

It is hard to give support or advise when it is relationships as i always say to friends “you are the one in the relationship, no one knows better than yourself what the right thing to do is, all i can do is put another spin on things”

I am a firm believer in communication…it has worked well in my own relationship and my hubby was no angel, although he is getting there.

Hope this kind of helps and sorry if it doesn’t.

Sending you hugs

Boo xx

Hi Caz As boo says no one knows your relationship as you. Boos right about the word confront, bit strong. I suggest talking, get the kids baby sat and Spend some time with each other find out each others aspirations now, the goal posts have been moved you both need to find which pitch they are on. Sorry I couldn’t help more Take care Mike

I think that this shows you how he is feeling.For what it is worth 'praps you should suggest watching some together and try not to accuse him of anything…If you find something you both like, go with the flow and see where it takes you.If you feel uncomfortable about that,you are still going to have to find out what his feelings are,otherwise this will form a rift between you.

Is it possible he wanted you find out what he was up to?

Wb

ps watching porn together is not that strange, and when there was a WE it was just another part of the intimacy

Try to be as open minded as possible. Things have changed for you but not your hubby. He may feel it is his fault that he cannot satisfy you in this way - he may be looking at these sites to see if he can find any way to help the situation.

Your hubby has not had an affair but he is obviously missing this side of your relationship.

I have been with my hubby for 25 years and with all aspects of marriage - you need to be able to compromise.

I don’t have problems with sensation like yourself but have probs with mood/fatigue and libido. It was causing a massive rift between us. We had a long talk and came to a compromise that suited us both.

I would think you have tried sex toys to help with the sensation probs. Experiment by yourself first to see if you can find something that you can feel.

Talk to your hubby about the sites - do not be confrontational but explain how you feel about it. Be open to watching porn together and see if you can compromise. Your hubby has not lost sensation and therefore his needs are the same as always.

If i was in this situation i would be glad my hubby had turned to porn and not another woman but you need to find new ways of being intimate with eachother.

Good luck

Its hard for you both.

I havent been intimate with my husband for about 8 years now, NOT my fault he went off sex completely said its his age he is 67 now.

I think when you have a partner that is unable to perform then there is nothing wrong with getting relief via other means like using something i.e. reading naughty mags, equipment and yes porn. He is obviously frustrated sexually.

Is there no reason why you can pleasure him? You might find if you both watch a bit of porn together, have a glass of wine or two or three lol, and then have a really good cuddle you might find some senstation coming back for yourself. You never know as with MS it can move about. One day nothing the next its back.

I think you should chat to him about it, as otherwise this will just tear you apart and put a barrier between yourselves.

It can be sorted hun, its up to you now to make the first move if you love him then you can support him through his needs as well. x