i haven’t posted anything for a while, but feel like I need to get this out. I’m usually a positive person and very much into positive mental attitude but lately I feel like I’m just going down hill both physically and mentally, and I feel the impact of this is very negative on my family as well. Yes I’m probably depressed but I shout at the kids all the time and I don’t do anything. My poor husband is becoming much more of a carer than a husband and is deeply frustrated with my total lack of interest in anything sexual etc. No he doesn’t get mean or horrible, he just plods on but I just know he misses it and normality of able bodied people, and I just feel dreadful. I sometimes have very dark thoughts and feel guilty all the time that I am not able to be more of a woman and a better mum.
so is this it? I’m not happy, he’s not happy, kids should have something a little more in life. What is the fuc@@@g point?
Oh love! I’m so saddened for you. I know this chuffin condition has a helluva lot to answer for!!!
So now, how can I try to help you? As you’ve said, you are probably depressed. Have you seen your gp about it, how you actually feel and the effect it is having on your family ?
There could be something he or she can offer to improve the way you are feeling.
That could be medication, CBT, or counselling. Trouble is these things take time to work effectively. You could always call the Samaritans. They are good listeners.
Are your children young and need lots of attention? Do you have any friends or family who could take them for a night or two? Maybe this would give you and hubby an evening to talk about stuff.
What about ringing your ms nurse, if you have one that is .
Please hang in there, life even without a chronic illness has its ups and downs.
It will get better, once you find the right help.
By the way, my hubby was my sole carer for 11 years, until we got direct payments and now have paid help. It has made a world of difference for both of us!
Do you think it would help you too? If you’d like to know more, do ask me.
You know sometimes there is a huge need to just shout “what the flying f*ck happened? What did I do that’s so wrong that I have to suffer this crap?” “It’s not bloody well fair!”
To feel that once in a while it’s alright to be a bit self pitying and depressed.
There’s enough time tomorrow to pick yourself up and be positive again.
Your husband and kids love you enough I’m sure, to give you the space to indulge in a little pity party.
Yes it would be lovely to go back to having energy, to having health and let’s face it, a decent sex life (or any kind of sex life at all, I wouldn’t be fussy!), to be the wife and mother that you were and you expected to be.
If you find you go on feeling morbid and depressed, then do think about getting some counselling, maybe CBT, or pharmaceutical help.
But if you find within a few days that it’s just same old usual, not massively happy but not moribund either, normality, then you can perhaps think about what you do have rather than what you don’t.
Meanwhile, carry on talking to us, we get it. Life is sh*t a lot of the time. So we have to get through it and celebrate the little things in our lives.
I am a man responding to this, yes because I empathise with you on these things you talk about.
These is nothing easy about the situations we can find ourselves in but what I do have to say and please don’t feel that it’s said in any selfish way, we have to put ourselves first-- we have to try keep strong for ourselves first. I felt the same way that you are describing of yourself for a great many years when I was married. I felt that I was bringing negativity to the lives of the people around me and I know how draining that can be on ourselves too. Yes even on sexual matters I felt I was a failure because I felt the way you do too and I was letting my wife down.
Slug we can only do our very best , as I know you will be. It’s not any of our faults we have MS and honestly first and foremost we have to try keep strong for ourselves first because that’s all we can do is our best .
What I can say is that no matter how grey we might feel things around us may seem, it can get better but it has to start from within ourselves first. It’s something go keep in mind Slug and in answer to your question “what is the fu@@king point?” …you are the point slug because you are important.
one of the problems we have is that there is pressure on us to behave in a way which is totally at odds with the way we really feel.
why do we have to be positive?
why should we seek treatment if we are at times depressed?
why put on a ‘happy face’?
Who benefits from this ‘false’ cheerfulness we are supposed to display.
You didn’t asked to get dumped on by having m.s. – my guess is you’re probably a much better parent than you give your self credit for - so you shout at the kids occasionally - so what!
Allow yourself to be yourself - if you’re feeling depressed then accept it - if you feel like shouting at the kids then shout at them.
Hello there, I am so sorry you feel so down but not surprised as others have said is it any wonder we get fed up sometimes.
You have already had great advice from the others so I will just add my hopes that you can get through the dark and find a way forward. We can’t take away how you feel but we do care and we do understand.
Slug, your situation sounds very much like mine, lately I have been so low and worried/anxious about everything. I’ve had a couple of relapses and think I’m in the middle of another. Also told I now have arthritis as I can’t move my big toes and walking is no longer enjoyable as it’s bloody painful. Fingers and thumbs are seizing up and it appears to all happened so quickly.
I have no interest in sex whatsoever but my husband does keep having little digs about it by calling me his sister. I don’t know what will happen, he may start seeing someone else though he says he wouldn’t. I feel so unattractive as I have put on some weight but I also have bladder problems which is not exactly sexy is it?
I don’t know if you feel like this Slug but I keep wanting to cry and scream and if I could, I would just open my door and run and keep on running to get away from everything. I wake up in the early hours and think of everything bad and just start crying. Yesterday i just wanted to stay in bed all day as I didn’t see the point of getting up which was completely irrational and not like me at all.
I think and hope these feelings may go in time but I just don’t know and at the moment I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel but I feel there has to be and that’s what keeps me going.
I just really wanted to say that you’re not alone and yes maybe we’re getting a bit depressed and I do wonder if it’s these bloomin dark nights and mornings that add to the low feelings. I don’t mind the winter weather but I wish the nights were light.
I don’t know if you’re on any medications which might not be working for you anymore.
It may help to talk to a professional, Polls idea of the samaritans is one for thought as I think it must be easier to vent off to someone neutral who’s trained to listen and offer advice. I can’t talk to my husband about things as he’s very inconsistent about his feelings. One day he says he understands what I’m going through and promises to stick by me then the next day he berates me for feeling low and negative and keeps hinting that we may split up. He just doesn’t know how to deal wth me I suppose.
I don’t have children but I think children would be easier to talk to ( depending on how old they are ) than husbands.
Anyhow I do hope that you can find some way of finding everything easier to cope with and keep talking to people on here. Nobody here minds how much we express our feelings
You sound like you’re in a very dark place at the moment.
It is a very sad situation when our relationships suffer to the extent yours has. Many of us, male as well as female, have little or no interest in sex. Perhaps due to lack of feeling, maybe to weight gain and subsequent changes to our bodies, perhaps just because of the depression. It could also be due to natural changes as we age and go through the menopause. (I have no idea of your age so this may not be relevant to you at all.)
As you have recognised, talking to someone (who is not your OH) would perhaps be a very good idea as you sound so depressed.
Do you have a sympathetic GP who you could talk to about how you’re feeling? Maybe s/he could refer you for some counselling?
Many people have also found CBT to be very helpful as others have suggested in this thread.
Or have you any close friends who you could talk to about the way you’re feeling and see if there is any benefit to just being able to talk openly about yourself, your physical problems and your relationship?
I do hope you get to find some light at the end of your tunnel, however it comes about.
Thanks Poll - I deleted that thread as my grammar was terrible on it - making love to my life (I meant wife) and as I head near 50 making love may be a distant memory but we all have dark times and hopefully prozac will see me through and remove the darkness - the why me thing, is totally understandable - I always think that, but at the end of the day, it is not ours to choose.