Feeling low
To say I’m feeling low is something of an understatement. When I married an older man (19 years older than me) I expected to look after him in his old age, not have him spend his old age looking after me. I can’t do much now. I have a carer a couple of times a week to take the pressure off him a little bit. I’ve been means tested and have to pay for everything. Although not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination at least I don’t have to cope with being poor. I have a cleaner. I can’t cook, drive, can weight bear only to transfer, but fortunately my mind is ok, so decision making etc I can cope with. My husband is now having memory problems, we’re waiting for some test results then it’ll be a referral to the memory clinic. Having lost my mum to vascular dementia I’m pretty sure I know what the future holds, and I’m scared and worried. I’m not going to be able to care for him, and he’s going to be able to do less and less for himself, I don’t often wallow in self pity, but we have no family. There’s a limit to what you can ask of, or expect from friends, and independence is important to me. I feel so alone, I haven’t told anyone yet, I will wait for a definite diagnosis. What did we do to deserve this?
If you’ve read this far, thank you for listening.