Feeling so down :(

Everyday living
1

Hi All,

I am so desperate that i thought i better post something! I am so alone and i cant stop crying. My partner left me 5 months ago because he needed to find himself but instead he found a new, healthy, young girl thats a friend of his family. They didnt like me at all and often spoke negatively about me in terms of my MS and how it was too much for their son to have to deal with (i am 32 and he is 43). Since i found out he has met someone else, i cant stop crying and i mean ALL DAY ! I have had a kidney infection and my fatigue is so bad and i just feel so ill. I keep trying and trying to feel positive but its so hard. I am on benefits and barely survive, i dont see anybody because my mum and dad live far away and my mum cares for my disabled dad and i dont really have any friends (they all dissapeared the more ill i got). I am very very lonely and i just dont know what to do. I also cant bare the thought of him starting a new life with a someone else who is healthy and they can do all the things in life that i wanted to do but couldnt.

Before i had MS i was very thin and popular and attractive and successful, now i am fat and alone and i really want to get out of this hole but i physically cant.

I am so sorry to moan. I am whinging away as i type this and feel like such a failure. I just want to be the way i was .

Sorry again x x x needed to get it out before i burst x x x

2

A 43 year old man who wants to “find himself”??? You are DEFINITELY better off without him!

The kidney infection will be adding to your fatigue and feeling awful. Once that’s under control, then maybe you’ll feel well enough to have a really good look at this bloke - and realise that you might have had a narrow escape!

Being thin and not having MS does not make someone attractive and successful. Your personality, skills and other strengths did that for you. They are still in there! Sure, the MS might get in the way of being able to work in the same way, but I bet there are other things you can do. And I bet that once you get out there, there will be good, decent (and hopefully drop dead gorgeous and filthy rich) men who will find you very attractive and won’t go running off to “find themselves” at the first sign of a bad day.

The fact that you’ve been feeling down for quite a long time now might mean that some counselling and/or anti-depressants might help maybe? Could you go and see your GP and ask for help? Once you’re ready, you could look at joining a dating agency or three, going to some evening classes or something, the local MSS “young people’s” outings, etc? Don’t measure yourself by your stupid boyfriend’s behaviour. You are worth more.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Karen x

3

Hi Linzi.

Seems to me you had a lucky escape from him and his family.

There is not a lot i can say,but talk to sombody,Doc,MS nurse [if you have one]or call the MS helpline as they have lots of information to help you.You are not alone as this is a good site to make new friends.

Hope sombody has more input to help.

Take Care.

Chris

4

Hello Linzi

You are not alone, because I am here and I am sure lots of other people are reading this post at the same time as me and thinking the same! We can imagine how you are feeling because we know the illness and can understand your despair at where you are.

You have have more than enough problems to cope with at any one time so don’t feel bad about having a moan. As we all know, MS on its own is more than enough to cope with. And you are going through so much more.

I am not sure what helpful things I can say … I wonder if you could find a helpful, listening ear at your local MS Branch? I am not involved with one myself, but I think that’s what they are there for. Or your MS Nurse might be able to suggest counselling.

Please don’t feel alone. If you let us know whereabouts you live, perhaps someone living in your area will pick this up and can suggest something locally …

thinking of you

Gill

5

Thanks everyone. I have lit some nice candles and put the fire on and am calming down a wee bit. I will give the MS society a ring and see what i have locally that can help x x x Thanks again x x

6

Thanks everyone. I have lit some nice candles and put the fire on and am calming down a wee bit. I will give the MS society a ring and see what i have locally that can help x x x Thanks again x x

7

hi

im sorry you’re having a bad time at the moment but you’re in the right place for support.

whenever i feel really down i keep telling myself that at some point there will be light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes that helps.

i tell myself, ive been here before and come out the other side ok so there’s no reason why i shouldn’t this time.

i really hope you’re feeling a lot brighter soon and as long as you keep looking on here for support and friendship im sure you’ll manage to get through it.

try and take it easy on yourself and remember that we are here if you need us.

best wishes

mandy xx

8

I am so very sorry my dear friend , and we are all here for you.

I am alone too and i do so understand.

I think we are lucky to have support here but it would be so much nicer to meet people in person.

I do think that a friendship finding and/or dating site on here would be so useful.

Where do you live? Can you join an MS network and or go out to socialise with likeminded kind people, not like the loser who left you.

After a time you WILL be able to see him as he is , you are just not there at the moment and so it is hard to believe.

You are special and important , much better than him and his family. Someone will truly love you in time

I was a size 12, today my doctor described me as overwieight in a letter. Now size 16 and it hit me hard! I know the tablets are in part to blame but the lack of mobility does not help, does it!

Take care my friend , we are here

xx

9

This guy is living proof that being healthy does not make you a nice person.

You have made the first step of getting on with your life by reaching out to the peeps on here. Keep going and best of luck,

10

Linzi, I met a most wonderful person at the age of 31 (in 1994…), she was from England… and that’s why this Dutchman is now on this website! What I am trying to say is, ‘Time heals all wounds’ (is that a correct translation of the saying?..) and you will find out at some point that you are better off WITHOUT him… Believe me, it would have gone wrong at some point, WITH or WITHOUT the MS.

What I am trying to say is, if he is not prepared to take on board what is going on with you now, then what would the future have been like?

Therefore, it WILL take time, talk to us when you feel ‘weak’ but there are a lot of wonderful people out there who will take over when you let them…

Do make your move when you feel you are ready for it, which is not right now I’m afraid…, good luck!

11

Thanks everyone! I already feel better, you are all so kind. Wishing you all the best of health and happyness x x x x

12

Thanks everyone! I already feel better, you are all so kind. Wishing you all the best of health and happyness x x x x

13

Hello Linzi. Hope you are feeling a bit better after the posts of support that you have had? people on here really do come to the rescue dont they.

I know you have to get a person out of your system after a break up and to some extent it has got to be a healthy therapy to go through. it is when the grieving goes on to long and gets to intense that it can start to become harmful (easier said than done though).

When my husband of 30 yrs went off with a girl 16 yrs younger I was devastated…Then one day…he died…I was so shocked by this event that it cured me of my self distruct…I am sure that if he was still here with us I would be on that self destruct path trying to work out “If only” and “why”. I sound quite cruel in my statement, I dont mean to but his death taught me that life has to go on and we have to move with it (again…easier said than done)…and his death also made me realise that although i think he had been a verry silly man it didnt make him a bad person. He just needed different things at that time in life that what we had been sharing. Since our parting I have done so many different things that I would never have done if he had not have ran away (a mile down the road as it happens) haha and I am a very different person to the one he left…and I thank him for that…bless him… I hope you will be able to do the same when the time is right. You are in for a treat and have so much to look forward to xx Maria.

14

Hello Linzi,

Let’s face it, it’s his loss, and his family sound like a really shallow lot. I have found that with me developing MS, it really sorted out the wheat from the chaff. Before I was ill, I genuinely thought that I had some great friends: WRONG! Now, several years down the line I have more genuine friends who like me for who I am and not what they can get out of me. It’s just very painful when these shallow people hurt us like they do. Best Wishes.

15

Just wanted to send you a big hug and you are never alone, we are all here for you.

S

16

Hi Linzi,

if I was his new girlfriend, I’d be worried in case I got ill, I don’t fancy anyone’s chances being happy with this callous, shallow fool!

What on earth is he going to do in the future when his partner gets older and is maybe in ill health?

I’m a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around eventually!

Keep your chin up, you won’t always feel this way about him, you will eventually feel better - he’ll always be an idiot!

xx

17

Hi Linz, oh I am so sorry to hear how bad you`re felling. I looked at your profile and see you were a nurse…so you will have had a very busy life, eh? And knew a lot of people…some of them must be wondering how you are, eh?

, I had a great job, drove, brought up our girls and was never afraid to do anything by myself.

All that has changed for me now and I mourn for the old me. I`ve had this monster for 14 years and although it has been an absolute pig at times, I have somehow got through the darker days.

but just these past few weeks, i`ve become weaker and more dependent on hubby and 2 other carers.

I say to myself What has become of the old me? Where is she?

But you know what love? You and I are still there…but deeper inside and it can take some real digging to find the person we once were.

Truth us even though our bodies have changed with this damned uninvited gatecrasher, we are still us, with additives, eh?

Sounds like maybe a chat with your GP would help…maybe something to calm you, until you feel strong enough to start again.

This ex of your`s is not worth your tears…he is a heel…a coward…and so is he family.

Maybe he`ll get his one day…or maybe his new woman will…will he abandon her too, I wonder?

As I said, he aint worth another thought.

You`ll find someone new one day…but first…find yourself.

lots of luv, Pollyxxx

18

Just want to add my ((((hugs)))) to everyone elses.

You never need be alone here, right bunch of happy wanderers we are!

Have you thought of making contact with your local MSS group? I joined a MS keep fit group and as I too had lost a load of so called ‘friends’ it was lovely to find so many real people who are happy to share a laugh or lend a shoulder as needed.

Clarexxx

19

You have all been so kind. Thanks so much x x x x

20

Hi Linzi

I am newish to this forum and when I read your post my heart went out to you. I’m sure that feeling will get most if not all of us at some point and I’m sure we will all be there to help each other as we are for you now. You are definitely better or without your man and it must be a relief to be rid of his family. Dealing with a kidney infection too will make you feel worse the good thing is you will get over that . Do you ever ring your mum just for a catch up and a natter? The candles sound good but how about some music to go with them. But that’s me, if I feel down music always blasts out, maybe not for everyone. Funny how friends disappear when you are ill but it’s their loss.

Take care (((((((hugs)))))))

Yvonne