Forum

opinions please

I have been married for 21 years it has been going wrong for the last 12 months argueing constantly my husband slept on the floor in living room since xmas until he moved out 7 weeks ago.Since this happening i have  been in contact with a boy ( now man obviously ) through friends reunited who i used to go out with from school when is was 14 we have met up a few times and i feel so comfortable with him he is so nice and caring he has said he has  strong feelings for  me and i must admit my feelings are getting stronger for him he makes me so happy, but am i wrong to be doing this is it too quick for me to feel this happy again.

advice please confused

Only you can know if its rebound,a fear of being on your own or happy release from a failed marriage.

If kids are involved that adds to the considerations about when to introduce a new man and does he know your dx---might he run for the hills?

If you are in your gut happy with what you are doing, I work on the belief that the little ms friend on your shoulder gives you so much hassle in life you deserve to be happy with how you are feeling with this man and go for it.

Life for an mser is so uncertain anyway why not go with the flow and enjoy it while you can.

Pip

   The time to be happy is now-

F.

There’s a saying that I came across in management training
“Don’t make any decisions when you have one leg in the air” Recent marriage break up is definitely a leg in the air. You need to have two feet on the ground make good decisions.
That is not to say don’t explore a relationship with this man but don’t make any life changing decisions just yet. You will know when the time is right. The very fact that you  felt the need to seek the opinions of others probably shows that your instincts are  telling you to slow down a little.

That said - I do believe that you should grab at happiness if it presents itself, it’s not too soon for you to feel happy probably just to soon to make life-changing decisions.

Good Luck

 

Jane

Hi,

I do not think what you're doing is "wrong", as such.  However, beware of false feelings, or "rebound" reaction.

At the moment, this figure from your past appears to offer everything your husband did not.  Of course it's tempting; of course it's exciting!

But how well do you really know him?  Are you the same people you were in your teens?  Are you seeing him as he really is now, or through a rosy tint of nostalgia?

I know exactly the hope you are investing in this, as I am shortly to meet a childhood crush I last saw in primary school!  It's not quite the same, as I have not recently left (or possibly still in) another relationship.

But I do understand how much hope it's tempting to place in someone known since childhood - when we were young and innocent, before all the cr*p happened.  I am having to try very hard not to have unrealistic expectations of my friend.  To realise he's going to be a real man, with weaknesses and failings - not some shining angel come to rescue me.  Yes, I'd love him to be that, but it's not fair, is it?  How can a mere mortal live up to it?

And I wonder if you're doing the same with your chap?  Wanting, and hoping, that he should be eveything, and overlooking that he's a real person - like you, like your husband - and he's not going to wave a magic wand and make everything perfect!

Tina

 

Thank you, Jane - I’ll try to remember that one! So true.

Alison

x

Not wishing to make light but I would love to see the outcome of any of us trying to have one leg in the air!!!!

Well, at least I would not have much time to make a bad decision before hitting the deck!

A

x

Sorry, anon - getting off topic there.  But I do agree with others who counsel caution.  You don't say what age you are, but you have been married for 21 years, so it is a little while since you and your friend were 14, and a lot of water has run under the bridge since then.  Please do be careful not to keep your nostalgia goggles on.   

Alison

x

hello

 

I would say be very careful,you cant just come out of a 21 year marriage with a clear head,you need time to adjust to being on your own, i lost my husband  he died when i was 37, but i was on my own for 4 years after his death, i knew after 2 years of life on my own i was  ready to meet someone else, it felt ok to move on,i know divorce isnt the same as death,but i do think you need some time to yourself,theres nothing wrong with having male friends, just dont rush into anything.