Forum

non-m.s. question

Whilst a student I had a long term relationship with another student. After finishing college we went our own ways.  I am now married.

He (also married) has got in touch wanting to meet up again.  Yes, I would like to see him but is it a good idea? 

Oh that's a difficult one. Are you happily married? Would you be willing to meet up with him with his partner and bring yours along?

Which one of you finished the relationship?  Are you over him or is there unfinished business?

Personally I'm a great believer in leaving the past in the past and living in the present.

But I'm not you and you or he may need to do this to move on. But if you are happy with your life now then it might be wise to leave this request well alone.

Think long and hard as you wouldn't want to risk damaging your present relationship for an old one that didn't work would you?

I'm not sure this is what you want to hear but it should give you food for thought.

BW, Mary

Short answer.. No.. Life has moved on hopefully for both of you.. I think all people go through this phase of thinking someone they met 10 years ago will be just the same as now.. I know I do despite being very happily married and never likely to stray.. The happy thoughts should be left in your sub-concious.. That way no one gets hurt or disappointed.. Think how you would feel if your husband came in one day and said.. I knew this girl 10 years ago.. and now she wants to get in touch again.. Quite rightly you would be hurt.. People cheapen marriage these days.. One day married the next divorced.. My view.. you get married.. you stay married.. Do not get involved.. It will only end in tears.. As Mary says.. the past is the past and should be left there..

Completely agree with the previous posts.

You have a lot to contend with in your life right now, without rocking the boat relationship-wise.

If you and he were still single, I'd probably be saying: "Why not?  Go for it!  It might have a happy ending."

But as neither of you is, I can't really see where this proposed meeting would be leading - except, perhaps, to heartache and confusion for all.

I'm always a bit sceptical, anyway, of people who try to rekindle an old flame years later (I'm assuming it's years?  Or maybe not?)

If the relationship was so great, how come it didn't work out, and you both married other people?  If he's now looking back with regret, what took him so long?    My bet is something's not going right in his own life right now, and he's feeling a wee bit sorry for himself.

Sorry, but it's not a huge compliment to be someone's reserve, when their first choice isn't working out.  And it's not very considerate of him to present you with this dilemma, when he presumably knows you're married too?

So my instinct is no.  I think it would still be no, even without the MS, but with it, do you need any extra stress?

Tina

 

I think you should leave the past fully in the past.  Life moves on and hes surely after starting something up again, cant see it just being curiosity.  The temptation may be there however why create problems where there are none.  Thinking about what could have been is just that, what could have been.  Live for the now and future with your loved one and file away all thoughts of a different future.  You have enough to deal with dealing with ms.

 

bren

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After studying we just drifted apart and got jobs in different parts of the country.

(I should have said this was a same-sex relationship.)

You are right to say that the past is best left in the past and my brain says not to make contact but my heart says otherwise.

Thanks

Michael

Ah, that clears something up; I’d always thought of you as male. :wink:

But in that case, double no! Trying not to sound prejudiced here, but thinking of your wife. Coping with “the other woman” is hard enough, but what if she found out she had a male rival? You may have been completely open and honest with her about your orientation, and past relationships. But that doesn’t mean she’s going to be OK about it, if they resurfaced now.

Do you think part of the temptation is because you’re now ill? Sometimes an MS diagnosis can make it feel very much as if the clock is against us, and we need to seize every opportunity, or perhaps even revisit opportunities we think we messed up last time.

But would you even be thinking of risking your current relationship, if you didn’t have the MS sword of Damocles hanging over you?

Tina

Michael,

I am a little confused by your post.

Are you in a same sex marriage now? is your ex in the same position?

Or have you married women? (therefore bi-sexual)

If you could clarify please.

If you are married to another man - i agree with the other posts (leave the past in the past).  If not - this changes things a lot!

Best wishes

Teresa. x

 

Michael,

More and more people are citing facebook as reasons for divorce. People getting in contact after years apart. Then the roof caves in for both people and their current families.

Leave what's in the past in the past. Enjoy  your life today. If you need some new interest - get a new hobby.

You did ask!! 

Jen x

 

This happened to me and I did make contact, I was curious.  We didn't meet, but we did exchange emails for a while.  He was single again.  I never did get to know why he chose to contact me, it had been a long time, and back then he had dumped me for someone else!

I wish I hadn't.  Nothing happened, nothing was ever going to happen, I love my husband and we are very happy, but it felt like I was being unfaithful.  I felt very guilty and found myself looking forward to the emails, so I put a stop to it.

The past is best left in the past.

What would you want your spouse to do if the tables were turned? How would you want your spouse to react? If your spouse decided to meet the old flame, would you expect to be told about it? If they met, and you were not told about it, how might you feel about that? Thinking about it that way around might give you a steer (but you know the answer already, I think!)

Alison

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