Not MS I just wanted to tell someone

This is not Ms related but I wanted to share this with someone and there’s no one around to tell.

ive just seen on Facebook my very first boyfriend. He dumped me and said some pretty unkind things at the time. My mum was overweight, and he feared I’d get fat! It took me a long time for the 18 year old me to get over him.

it was forty years ago, and he moved away from the area many years ago and our paths never crossed again.

I know no one who is in touch with him, but today on Facebook up pops this person as one of the “people you may know”. I find that bizarre.

i wouldn’t have recognised him if I’d fallen over him in the street. He’s not worn well, he’s bald with a fat face and grey beard. Boy did I have a lucky escape!

I’m glad you didn’t have pangs of regret! But if you haven’t moved in the same circles for decades, it’s pretty sinister how Facebook thinks there may be a connection!

Exactly what algorithms FB uses to suggest who you may know is a secret, but my bet is they do include people who have searched for you. So I wonder if you are “the one that got away” for him, but not the reverse, and he’s been having a sly peek?

Otherwise, perhaps it really is random, based on where you said your birth town was, or where you went to school - assuming you did give those details, and his are similar.




l hope it made you feel really good about yourself - seeing what he now looks like. My OH - makes such rude comments about any woman he sees who he thinks is overweight. l get so cross - and tell him to look in a mirror. He is bald / wears dentures and has the biggest beer belly. But he still thinks he can make such disparaging remarks about women. He never comments about overweight men.

l am on facebook - but l have never put my old school or where l used to live- or my maiden name- on my page. So hopefully no surprises for me. When l think back on my old boyfriends - l like to remember them as they looked 50yrs ago. l expect they do as well!

Thanks ladies. I’m here with my husband who truly is the love of my life.

Ive not put anything like schools etc on my fb profile, so I was surprised to see him. He’s not messaged me or anything and I’ve no intention of contacting him.

I’ve never wished him any ill, I’m much too nice for that, but he treated me very badly in the last few weeks were together, and I’ve been reminded of it, so I don’t wish him any good either!

Hopefully he’s grown up and has left that jerkish young guy behaviour now, though I know they don’t all manage it. FB’s definitely creepy though, isn’t it!

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I reckon he has searched for you, in that case! Facebook has never either confirmed or denied that other people’s searches play a part in the suggestions of who you may know, but if it doesn’t know your childhood origins, and you and he have no mutual acquaintances from way back, how could it possibly deduce there is any association? I’m very wary of looking up old flames (or foes!) on Facebook, because although they cannot directly see who has viewed their profile, I think it does register at some level that there’s some kind of interest or possible connection there, and may make it more likely you’ll pop up on their “suggested” list.

Of course if it’s two people that want to find each other again, that could be a good thing - if one is searching, and the result of their search is the other sees them, it might be happy endings all round.

But I don’t think your searches are completely incognito, and although they’ll never be told directly that you looked for/at their profile, they might have a pretty good inkling, if you start showing up on their list of suggested buddies.

I’m not saying it’s you that’s done it here - I think he has. I’m definitely not suggesting you follow it up in any way (though if you were single and had really liked him, I might). But I’d lay money on it he’s had a recent breakup, or is going through a midlife crisis, and is reminiscing about what might have been.



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Forget the loser!


How are yer ? Speaking from a male p o v… Love it… I wouldn’t imagine any ex’s have lost sleep over me, but I know what you mean. I’m not on Fb, but use my wife’s account to keep upto date with cousins (I do the ancestry thing). But I often see ex school bods, and it amazes me that they look so old/fat/bald, especially as I still have my hair… always sweeter when it was those who used to throw their weight about. Bit of a confidence boost when I’m on a down curve… Take care

Assuming the ratbag did search for me I wonder how he got my surname. Creepy!

That’s why I’m not on fb… it is the root of some evil. Having said that, I am delighted that your old bf is a Munster- poetic justice is a lovely thing! x

Finding out an old girlfriend’s married name is (within date limits) rather easy.

You do a search on the website, and take a guess that she married in her locality. You take another guess at the dates between which she may have married. It’s a pretty standard approach in genealogy.
When you have both names, you can look for children. The only thing that you cannot find are divorces.
If you get really curious, you can do an electoral roll search

The Facebook thing is one of the reasons why I do not trust them.
If you sign up for Facebook, their software will go through your e-mail address list, ignore anyone who is already a FB member and invite everyone else - in your name - to join. An algorithm to match members searches to members names would be very easy to implement - and they can present it as a service to members.
What they will not do is dispose of your data if you leave - it is still there, but not readily accessible to other members.


Alternatively, who someone married is hardly a state secret, and tongues do wag back home about what you are up to, however much you think not. It wouldn’t be hard from him to have heard at the time that an ex had married, and to whom - and to have remembered it - especially if it was someone he’d harboured regrets over.

The last bit about FB isn’t true, or wasn’t when I signed up - or certainly not without your permission. Of course I wouldn’t want FB invitations to go to everyone in my address book, including the utility companies, and people I’ve once dated, and people I’ve only ever corresponded with to complain about something. Neither would most people. It would alienate the user base hugely if they used such a blunt instrument, and people you were in dispute with were getting invitations in your name.

I can’t remember how it works, exactly, but it does ask if you want to look to see if people in your address book are already on FB (I think I said no to that), and if not, you have the option of inviting them. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t just spambomb everyone you’ve ever e-mailed, even if it was only to say: “I hate you, get lost!”


Hey Geoff, How are yer? BMD stops around early/mid seventies, but (other sites available) will go upto 2005 ish. will give you a location (county) and bt residential may provide an address… Not a stalker, just track my tree from 1800’s through to modern day. Have made contact with a couple of distant cousins. One in Australia, but no Nigerian generals as yet. Another source if you know the area, is family notices. Births give partner details, deaths list children of deceased, maybe grand kids. A woman i used to work with wondered about a woman who looked after her when her parents split. I found out her details in ten minutes… …Take care of yourself, Andy

If you want to know what someone can find out about you on line, then google yourself. Try the websites mentioned above by Geoff and Andy. And then there are local newspapers on-line, and more. You may be surprised.

Hey Ben. How are yer ? Just googled myself. First thing up - an obituary !!! Great. Take care Andy

Don’t worry until you start getting letters from your bank or creditcard company, saying: “Dear Mr. Carraboy, we are sorry you have died.” :wink:


Andy, I wish you a speedy recovery.

Tina, beyond a joke, I am quite ready to believe that has happened to someone somewhere.

Hahaha, you guys xD You’re silly, but you got a laugh out of me when I was feeling a bit glum, so thanks! :smiley:

Hey yourself Andy

FreeBMD is now getting into the 80’s. I find Ancestry to be a complete wunch of bankers.
Got my fathers line back to the late 1500’s, but hit a brickwall on my grandmother’s line around 1800.
When I have time, I reckon FindMyPast to be very useful.

If you want to swap hints and tips, throw me a PM.


It has indeed, that’s what made me think of it. Was reading a money column recently - readers’ problems and questions. Somebody wrote to the building society (or wherever) to inform them his father - an account holder - had died. Got a letter back to his late father, at his father’s address, saying: “We’re sorry you have died”.