I know there’s been a few posts on dating lately Basically things have been tough lately since first attack. Single mum with 2 kids. Youngest sleeps at mums she’s at a hard age Anyway a local guy had been chatting and offered to walk my dog but I said he can’t as he’s injured at the moment. Then he was shopping and had bought choc cake bars and he said you can have them. My reply oh I don’t like cake. He was like well give them to your son then. I was like it’s ok thanks very kind of you but there’s no need My friends informed me I’m dense and he was trying to get an invite round. He’s a lovely guy Apparantly he’s liked me from afar for years. He seems a really nice guy and always was nice to chat too. I’ve been doing my best to put him off telling him how horrendous ms is. He’s got no kids and I’m trying to say to him I won’t have anymore kids and it would be a shame to even try dating as I won’t change my mind so why start something you can’t finish To cut a long story short he still seems keen. I think he’s off his head. Ironically his job is to get disabled people back to work I’ve been separated coming up for a year. The agreements not signed as I wasn’t planning on getting ill but I couldn’t go back to the job I did. And I still live in the marital home which I need to sell not practical with ms. He has a new house etc but I don’t want to rock the boat. I know he’s joined a dating site. I’m pretty naive I thought I was looking a site perving (excuse the expression) hot or not I thought u just rated guys till they started chatting with me. I’d guys offering to fly up to see me. So I deleted my profile turns out it was linked Any advice on anything dating or ex husbands X
hi
i think the local guy sounds great.
next time you see him try not to be so reserved.
you have told him about your ms and if he’s still interested, go for it.
enjoy yourself!
carole x
Hi anon, Whichever way you look at new relationships,mid there are ex husbands, kids, basically you have a bit of extra baggage. I thought, when I too was in that position, that it would put guys off, but it didn’t. If they really like you, they will accept what comes along with you. In this case, you have a little extra bag called ms. You have been open and up front with him from the start, you haven’t dressed it up to make it sound better than it is, and he is still as keen. I am guessing because he works helping disabled people, then disabilities don’t bother him. So don’t let it bother you. Get in there girl! It’d be rude not to. J x
some guys don’t want kids of their own, but have no problem dating a women with kids so dont let that stop you. he sounds like an all right guy, you told him about the MS, he doesn’t seem to care (probably due to his job), so maybe even worth a lunch date if you can, or even just a talk. but i can understand the reluctance with everything else going on. i think he is just trying to be nice and wants to get to know you better. maybe just tell him you are not ready to date yet, and maybe just be friends first and see what happens?
Hi,
People do date for reasons other than wanting to have kids, you know! Maybe he doesn’t want kids? My brother doesn’t - he never has. Luckily he’s with a partner who feels the same. So don’t assume every man you meet would feel let down by the fact you don’t want his babies (now - or ever). Maybe that’s not what he wants, either?
But on the other hand - I know I’m a terrible one for overthinking - I’m not so keen on the unrequested presents and offers of favours as a way of getting to know you. If he’s interested, and you always get on well when you talk, I wonder why he doesn’t suggest you go for coffee? I think, like you, I would feel slightly awkward if someone was trying to give me cakes as a hint. I know it’s kind, and perhaps we (I?) shouldn’t be so wary of kindness, but I would feel uncomfortable accepting things from someone I only really know to say hello to, because of the feeling I should now do something back. I would feel easier if he was more direct, and just said: “I wonder if you’d like to go for coffee?”, rather than trying to create a sense of gratitude.
As for telling him how horrendous MS is, what makes you think he doesn’t already know? If he already works with disabled people, then I wouldn’t call that “ironic” - I would think he probably has more clue than most people. Besides, although I think it’s important to be honest, I wouldn’t think telling an admirer “how horrendous it is” is necessarily the right way to go. You know you’re ill, HE knows you’re ill (at least, I think he does?) - he will expect that to cause certain problems for you. But I don’t think he needs an itemised list, up-front, of just how horrible it can be. The same way you wouldn’t spell out a list of your character flaws on a first date. They will find out the good AND not so good things if they take the trouble to get to know you - including how your illness affects you.
Tina
x
Thanks all. He’s really easy to chat to. Update being he’s like I’ve been hinting to meet for coffee but I’m quite shy so would you like to meet for coffee. He said I don’t want you to think im over confident etc: and even if nothing happens ur the kind of person I can be friends with if you felt the same. Small towns everyone knows everything and everyone and im quite a private person so maybe will meet for coffee in private. He’s actually working opposite my house today He says he always wanted to have kids but it’s not a deal breaker he has 2 wonderful nephews and he’d rather have good company. He’s the kind of guy who seems very sensible and would be a good influence Oh I don’t know.
you could alwyas call over and say if he has a break to come over for a coffee?
He’s a big boy - you can leave the worrying about what he wants to him. It’s what you want that matters.
He likes you, and he is hoping that you like him back. That’s something nice that’s happening, and hurrah for something nice: we have plenty of the other sort of thing to put up with. Just enjoy and go with the flow - no need to plan your shared old age just yet. If there is one thing that having MS teaches us, it is the futility of over-planning!
Alison
You seem to like one another, surely you can enjoy each other’s company and friendship, if something develops, fine, if not then that’s fine too. I don’t know the rules for dating these days, maybe there aren’t any. Good luck. Keep us posted! X
Yeah I don’t the rules either. Esp since we kind of know each other a little too. If nothing else we know lots of people in common and he likes animals so can just yap about pets lol if nothing else
right anon
i expect you to be seeing him soon!
dont forget to let us nosy folk know how it went.
enjoy it cos you deserve it!
carole x