Just after some advice really, and hoping you guys will be able to help.
Long story short…have been chatting to an absolutely great guy on a dating website and have hit it off straight away. He is lovely, and told me first off that he had MS, and I quote, “In case I wanted to do a runner”. Why oh why on earth would I want to do that?!
What he didn’t know was that one of very good friends and godmother to my boys also has MS! She has been my friend for well over 20 years now so I have some understanding of the condition.
His is the relapsing MS, so a bit different to my friends. I have spoken to her about it, but would appreciate the advice of others too.
Is there anything I can say to reassure him? I’d love to meet him eventually of course, but I can tell that he is nervous about asking because of the MS. He says women in the past have heard about his health issues and not wanted to become involved so I can see why he is anxious.
I am so not going to judge him or make a snap decision. In fact, all credit to him for being honest and coping so well and with such optimism. I don’t have MS, but (without going into details here) have had huge battles in my personal life I’ve had to fight over the last four years or so. He could have judged me for those but he didn’t; he deserves that I treat him with exactly the same sort of respect.
Thanks all. Just really don’t want to mess up my chances because, as I say, he’s lush!
I would never dream of offering advice regarding dating or relationships. We are all so different with massively different experiences. I will offer an observation (based on your post) You seem to have your head screwed on right (complement) You also seem to have the basis for trust (a bedrock in any relationship) You are able to have open & honest communication so I reckon you have as good a chance as anyone of a good relationship.
Whilst any condition can affect a couple it is a secondary issue - get the relationship right and the MS will just be a sideline.
I am sure that not everyone would cope with the extra issues related to specific health conditions but this is fine too because we are all so different.
My only advice is stay honest to both yourself and your partner.
Dear L, you already know more about this chap than we can ever do because we only know about our own MS and you know him. There are no special words to open the door to the heart of a person with MS or win his confidence because people with MS are just … well, people. In other words, there are no secrets that we could choose to divulge and that would help you here.
You sound kind and thoughtful and lovely and so does he. Have fun and good luck.
Aw thanks so, so much everybody-I am so very grateful that so many of you have taken the time and effort to reply. Thank you. The more I am chatting to him and getting to know him, the more lovely he sounds. He has an incredibly optimistic approach to life which I admire considerably, and he just deals with things. Like I said, I’ve had big battles of my own of late, and I respect anybody (MS or no MS) that keeps calm and carries on. I’ve been honest and open with him too, and told him about some of what’s happened in my life, and I think we’ve formed a connection because although our demons are different, we’ve faced up to them in similar ways. Like someone said, don’t define him by his MS. I don’t. I see guts, determination, bravery, acceptance of who I am/he is and kindness; qualities that have so far not been found in the other men I have dated. I also pick up shyness and lack of self-confidence too but again, we have that in common for different reasons. I think we both share a fear of being rejected as I’m sure many of us do. And yes, I have Welsh family, very well spotted! Again, thanks so much. Just rather excited that I have at last met somebody rather fabulous x
It takes a little while to figure out how to use the forum. What you’ve done is add your post onto the end of an old thread.
Usually you are best off starting a New Thread (see the box above the current list of topics). Give your thread a relevant title and the post whatever you want to say, whether it’s a question, a comment or just want to say hello.
People will then reply to your topic. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get lots of replies, sometimes that happens - it can just slip by and people don’t see your post. Just try again.
Again, thanks so much. Just rather excited that I have at last met somebody rather fabulous x