Hi, so I am new to this and really needed some advice, I didn’t know if this was the right place to go. I am 23 with a 1 year old boy and have recently started dating a 36 year old man. He is really sweet and I would say ticks all the boxes, but he recently told me that he has MS. I can’t really remember what type he said it was I think it was relapsing remitting? I know he said it was benign, he had an attack 10 years ago and that is when he was diagnosed as having MS, he hasn’t had an attack since but he does feel the effects of it daily (he takes pain killers every night and has a lot of tingling in his right leg, he always ‘feels’ it). Anyway, this has litterally terrified me because I know nothing of MS, everyone I have seen with it is severely disabled and in a wheel chair. My worry is that does everyone end up physically disabled? He may not have an attack for another 10 years but that could completely paralyse him. I know it is a big thing to get involved with so want to know as much about it as I can. I have asked him bits but I don’t want to harp on about it as I know that is only one aspect of his life.
Not everyone with MS ends up in a wheelchair and not everyone without MS doesn’t. I am dating someone and told him upfront about the MS. My last ex dumped me just after I was diagnosed so I found it very difficult to tell him but he was fine about it. His sister is a nurse so I’m fairly certain he spoke to her about it and found out more about it.
At the end of the day I am currently doing well and happy and fairly healthy. That could change. But so could his health. If you’re with someone they could end up getting ill further down the line, MS or no MS.
You’re right to educate yourself about his illness but as you said, it’s only one part of him. You could be with him for ten years and he might end up in a wheelchair - or he might not.
The guy I’m dating said to me that as he smokes and I don’t, I’m taking the same risk he is. I am more likely to end up disabled that an person without MS and he knows that. But he is more likely to end up with lung cancer and heart disease than a non-smoker and I know that.
True that is a good way of looking at it,I know I would hate for someone to ‘judge’ me on something that is out of my control that is why I want to find out more x
There are many lifestyle choices that can affect a person’s health - smoking, drinking, being overweight, never doing exercise. You’re right that your guy could have a nasty attack and end up being disabled but he’s more likely to be exctly the same in twenty years as he is now. The longer you go without an attack, the less likely another one becomes, I think. I’d say ‘ticking the right boxes’ is more important than having MS (I’ve had plenty of experience with men that didn’t tick any of the right boxes but I’ve now been very happily married for fifteen years - and I was diagnosed with MS a year after we tied the knot).
Ah congratulations, yeah the more I think of it the more I think it isn’t a massive deal, if something happens it happens, as he says, he could get hit by a bus tomorrow. He doesn’t drink and has stopped smoking and is trying to lose weight so should make him feel better in himself regardless. Anything could happen to either one of us and I think I would rather ten love filled (maybe slightly tricky at times) years with him then with a loser 
. Thank you for the information, I thought it soinded pretty positive that he hasn’t had an attack for so long.
Good for you for educating yourself about MS but live for the here and now Charlotte, none of us know what’s round the corner! Take care of each other and be happy.
A friend of mine is a care assistant, and she has told me that she cares for 80 and 90 yr old that have MS, and lead normal lives and you wouldn’t think they have MS.
Take care
Mel x