Forum

MS & Relationships

Hey everyone Im single and wondering what would happen if I did meet someone else. Has anyone began new relationships after diagnosis? How did you deal with the “coming out” as it were? How long do you leave it? Do you tell them immediately or wait until they get to know you for you and not your MS? Mini x

Hiya

I told my partner I had MS when we met, we just got chatting in a shop and went for a coffee. It came up in conversation as I wasn’t working because of my MS, so it was pretty easy, no drama.

What do you do?

I don’t work cos I’ve got MS.

What’s that then?

Well it’s basically my immune systems gone funny and like to attack the covering of the nerves in my body and I’ve been having loads of attacks which are called relapses, so I’ve not been able to get a job since I was made redundant from my last one, cos it shut down.

What did you used to do then?

Bla bla bla and on it went.

He just took me as I was as I did him, we took it easy not expecting anything major from it but liked going out and having a good time and liked the same things …we’ve now been together for 7 years and living together for 5.

So MS doesn’t mean you won’t find your ideal partner. I think it’s best to mention that you have MS as early as possible, that way it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I think if you’re with someone for month then do the ‘I have something to tell you’ thing, it makes it a big deal when it doesn’t have to be.

Hope that helps

Sue

x

Tell them, I wondered this and decided to give Match ago told them nobody cared. One nice lady who I got on with we still meet up for coffee or drinks etc.

But I decided to look for someone seriously once I have a job.

Oh also I add, if you don’t tell them and leave it to later what happens when you have a relapse would they do a runner?

Better to tell them straight away then they can read up on MS and hopefully stay the course.

Thanks guys. I just expect people to be judgemental but I guess not everyone is the same huh? I was diagnosed last year and my partner if 8 years has left me. Sometimes I just worry ill be alone forever Mini x

Noooooo, like I said I thought this and erm I told people about the MS to try and get rid of them

and at the end they said ‘would you like to go out next week’ this went for teachers, Managers etc.

I also know females with MS who have met guys incase you think women are more forgiving.

Personally if the ms isn’t obvious I wouldn’t tell them before meeting them - I have a philosophy of telling someone after the third date. My ms isn’t obvious and I do the whole online dating thing and I don’t tell people straight away when chatting - I think a lot of people don’t understand ms and so it scares them. As for what Hobs said I’d have to disagree slightly - women are far more accepting of things than men are so I think being a woman and dating with ms it’s slightly harder - also think age comes into it slightly too and older people tend to accept ms more than younger people. Hope that makes sense. So in my opinion I wouldn’t tell anyone straight from the offset - I would give them a couple of dates and give them the chance to get to know you as opposed to getting to know ms!!

Hi Mini,

I have had mostly positive experienses. I did the whole internet dating thing years ago. Met two guys in a week. The first, I told when we were sitting having a drink, first date. He got up and walked out saying ‘I dont need the baggage’! What a prat. I was so upset but picked myself up and went again a few days later to meet someone else. I promised myself I would not say anything for a while again after what had happened but it just felt right, he seemed like a great guy. Told him there and then and he was just in utter awe of me, my positivity etc. We were together for 6 years but we eventually split, for lots of reasons but mainly because he didnt want children.

A while later, I had a problem with my car and a friend of mine sent to me to a car parts warehouse (Motor Factors), he said to ask for XYZ, his buddy who was the owner. I called in and he organsied to get my car sorted and offered to buy me a drink and wait for it to be fixed. We sat drinking water for hours telling each other everything about of lives. I told of the MS and how I left my ex because he didnt want children etc etc . Two years on we are together, cant wait to have children (both of us!!!) and theres lots of talk about a ring in the very near future.

I think you will know when its right to tell someone and if they cant accept it then they are not worth it. Most of it is ignorance, alot of people dont actually know that MS is.

Good luck with it, there is someone out there for you

xxx

Hi Mini,

My opinion would be that usually on a first date or the getting to know you conversation something will crop up where you can mention it. If the guy (or girl) backs off completely then he (she) is not work wasting breath over.

If you don’t make a big deal of it then I find the person won’t either. It might be either because of good manners or lack of information - I also had the experience on a first date that when I mentioned my condition the guy dropped his fork in astonishment cause he had it too!!.

Its part of who you are Mini and it ain’t going away. I’d rather know sooner than later if it was a problem.

Good luck with the ‘hunting’ - and if you find a good one see if he has a brother for me

Kelly

Aww thanks to you all feel so much better now :smiley: x

I met my wonderful partner via internet dating. I was very upfront about my ms, the wheels would give me away any how! It took a long time to find the right man. There some muppets as well as treasures out there but dont give up. The right one will see past all the ms stuff and see you. good luck! Sara x