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Feeling alone - and by that single !!!

Hi all,
I need a little rant tonight or even encouraging words. I Have been reading post over the last few days of how lucky some of you are to have a that other half that understands and support what may be going on with you, and how it may affect you.
I was in a relationship when the ball starting rolling as to what was wrong (??) with me and my partner at the time went back to the mother of his child … So that was a kick in the teeth , i had started to have tests done but he waited till the day after my 5 lumber puncture as to not stress me out ( thanks w*****) My question would be how do and when do people that have ms say they have it , I was seeing someone for a little bit and I told him early on!, needless to say he was a D***… But more and more I feel,very alone , I have so many male friends that tell me that I’m mad and that " any guy would be lucky to have me" . But I feel I shouldn’t tell them in case it scares them off to soon. But if i am not honest am I in the wrong… .?? I don’t think my fatigue would be as bad if there was someone I could curl up with? It would make staying in bed that more exciting xAnna x

Hello Anna,

Even if you did curl up with someone your fatigue would still be the same. There is a saying just because you found one bad apple doesn't mean the rest are! There are men out there who will look at you and not just see MS, they will love you and cherish you, it's a matter of time just waiting for him to pop his head up.

You are not alone we are all here for you.

Take care

Janet

x

 

Hmmm, difficult one.  What sort of stage are you at, is it obvious that something's not right?  I would say that if it's not obvious, then it's none of their business until you have got to know each other well enough to be discussing personal things.  If it is obvious, then you need to say early on - I'd rather they knew I had MS than they thought I was drunk.  I walk with a stick and it is obvious that there is something wrong with me.  I was widowed 2 years ago, and I'd love to find someone to be close to - I too have those "helpful" male friends who say any bloke would be lucky to have me - shame none of these lucky blokes think that way too.  But I think I'd rather be alone than be with an idiot.

Luisa x

Hi Anna (and others reading this!)

Difficult to answer as we all deal with life so differently so theres no universal answer.

I dated somene from this board for 2 years-in theory both having MS may have helped us to understand each others difficulties better-but it didnt cos everyone's MS is theirs-there may be similarities but another human cannot fully understand exactly what your body is doing/feeling. Sometimes we dont even know ourselves (you just have to look at the posts/questions on here!) and so I think we are our own worst enemy sometimes-expecting others (espec without MS) to understand.

Sometimes MS becomes the focus of our life (whilst this is understandable to some extent as it affects us daily) but it does not define who we are. Imagine it the other way round-would you want to listen to every detail of anothers issues?! Whilst I appreciate you would want to be helpful and supportive I think its one sure way to destroy any relationship-focussing on your troubles instead of rejoicing in what you can do (on own or together)

When to tell? Again-that depends on your attitude towards your MS. Personally-I dont fight it. Why fight something thats a part of me? Albeit an unwanted bit. Better to accept and find solutions to the challenges my body throws at me. My theory is that if you see MS as part of 'your normal' then theres no need to make it an issue.

I have recently been on a few dates with someone that I have known for 3 years-I had mentioned MS in 'chitchat' from the beginning so there was no dilema of when to tell. For me it was no different to telling I have 4 kids-they (kids and MS) are now all part of my life.

I admit to being an open and frank person-I believe in keeping life simple. Am sure that you will find your own way of dealing with both your MS and future relationships.

Take care of you, be honest with self (thats often the hard bit!) and others.

Ellie x

 

I have been divorced for 5 years, my ex husband did not cope very well with my diagnosis although he never had to provide any care for me. I think he was worried he would have to in the future. Since divorce I have dated a few guys, all of them lovely. In each case I did tell them about the illness very early on. I am not with any of these guys now because they were not right for me in other ways. I do think my MS is preventing me from dating though because of fatigue and limited walking ability. It is hard for other peop,e to understand your limitations, and I have got into the habit of thinking its not worth the hassle of trying to explain.

After 6 months on a dating site and meeting many men…some of whom I have stayed in contact with…I have found what appears to be a truly special man :slight_smile:
I always told them early on as the conversation led naturally to it. Nobody would have guessed and I always told them in person after meeting. It does not define who I am but does throw a few questions up.
Often it depends on the other persons knowledge and personal experience.

Nobody knows what’s round the corner…just some of us like to be a little more unpredictable!

Keep looking there are some good ones out there…and it’s lots of fun looking :wink:

Hi y’all, thanks for the comments . Guess there is hope for prince charming to one sweep me off my feet??? Although the way my luck goes he will knock me down and knock me out 1st? Lol lol lol